Book of Songs

The best of my dark poetry

By

Roland Michel Tremblay

www.themarginal.com

rm@themarginal.com

44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx, London, TW7 4JF, UK

Tel: +44 (0)20 8847 5586

Preface

This is the best of my dark poetry, six books in all, written during the last 15 years. This book of songs was put together at the request of a musician friend of mine who was looking for songs. I thought, I may as well put it online and see if others are interested.

There are two sections, the normal songs which could be adapted into any style, and the rap/heavy metal section. That last section does not mean that the songs really need to be rap or heavy metal songs, however they appear to be better spoken than sang, or they are a bit more extreme, in the spirit of rap/heavy metal songs.

If you are interested in turning these into songs, even modify them for your needs, and perhaps recycle many good lines from different songs to make new ones, please contact me and we will come to an arrangement.

Though this is copyrighted work, you can distribute them around for free with my name and contact details on them, and even put them online elsewhere as long as you link them to my website. If you turn them into songs, I will then have to be recognized as the author, or co-author if you wish to modify or add to them.

Summary

Part 1 – Any Style Songs

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Reaching an L.A. Crisis

My new big venture will destroy everything

My Imaginary Girlfriend

Are You Still My Friend?

Ready to Explode

Freedom

Poetry to Galvanise a Whole Generation

Our Terrible Sentence

Genesis

They all killed in your name

Living in Infinity

Life Isn’t Life

I Don’t Remember

Make a Difference

God my darling

I am out of this world

Presque vu (Almost Seen)

The well of wishful thinking

I am Saint Karen from New York

Stuck in a Time Loop

God forbid

There is no Point

That’s it, I had enough

Never been so low

Towards the Green Fields

I am going to heaven

Death Valley

Inner Peace

The New Age

To Hell with Conformism

I want to cry

Sold to Other People’s Ideas

A Swamp Full of Tadpoles

Go ahead with your dreaming

Being stopped by love

I'm Useless

No Way Out

When I was a little boy

Remaining true to oneself

Get inspired, if you can

I’m not proud

In Between Days

I don’t want to fall in love again!

Permanent Summer with Palm Trees and Canyons

Whatever it is you couldn’t stand about me

My Island

Los Angeles does not really exist

The extinction of humanity

Hail to the bugs, the true leaders of this world

My attempt to find happiness

Beyond that Californian Mountain

Where am I?

I thought you were dead

Tomorrow will be such a great day all over L.A.!

Sweet Chinese Girl

I’m Unstoppable!

Power is nothing

I cannot be trusted, I will fail every time

Completely screwed up

There’s no end to it

Tonight I am alive!

I Shall be Free!

There is still hope for me

I have lived! And now I can die…

Being Nothing

My Mea Culpa

Throw Me Away After Use

Step Into My Hell

Flee, Flee, Flee!

I’m Going to Shoot Myself

I Go from One Extreme to the Other

From the Moment When . . .

Love is Sweet

Something Philosophical

There’s Nothing Worse Than People With Principles

You Lied

If I Were God

The British Dream

The American Dream

I’m Ugly

The Power of Words

Oh Gloria, If You Hadn’t Loved Cider So Much . . .

Virtual Sheep, My Only Love!

Letter From Prison

Death

Illumination

Madness

Alone in the World

Craziness

Head in the Clouds?

I Should be Dead

I’m Your Slave

Life and I are Incompatible

To Die in Peace

Dear God, Let Me Be Done With It

Come On, Damn It, I’ve Got a Life to Live

Life

Part 2 – Rap/Heavy Metal Songs (more extreme)

We may still save humanity in America

Awareness in San Francisco

My Rough Edges

This is a Declaration of War

You can rape me all you want

The World is filled with Backstabbers

They’ve been testing me, like a rat!

You’re not so cool after all

What’s Your First Name Again?

A Gun at Your Head

Have you lost Faith in Destiny?

Drowning in my sorrows

Oh please let me be happy again!

I never felt so powerful!

Everyone needs to start somewhere

History has got nothing to do with you

Guilty!

Dear God

Child Suicide

Study your symbolism, for god’s sake!

Desperate for a gun in America

Let me buy you out just to shut you up

The Mormon’s Disney Land in Utah

Notice of Resignation, The Perfect Sample Letter

Propaganda

Frontline Terrorism

A Serious Problem with Authority

I’m Going to Find Myself a Whore

I’m Your Inflatable Virgin Mary

Alien Nation

I Know the Name of God

Part 1 – Any Style Songs

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

(chorus:)

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin’

I always do

What is it this time?

What is this big secret which will again

Devastate me?

Irretrievably change my life

To keep me exactly where I am now

Where we’ve always been?

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin’

I always do

Oh please!

Can we live this life without anymore downfalls?

Is it not possible to live a life

Of total inaction?

All you need is one day

To destroy it all

When all we have ever been able to reach

Is the bottom of the ocean

Deeper and deeper

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin’

I always do

No matter how hard you try

To reach some sort of happiness

Just for a while

It can never last

You get right back to square one

Always

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin’

I always do

Another disaster

Another crisis

Some suffering

A lot of crying

Once again completely lost

Alone in the world

With great unexplored vastness in front of our eyes

Wishing we could fly and reach it all

Discover a new horizon

Less horrible than the precedent

As a law of nature

We can only find

Worse

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Oh yes it does

Dear me

I’ve seen it comin’

I always do

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Yes, it always comes back to that

It always comes back to that, isn’t it?

Yes, it always comes back to that

There’s no way out for people like us…

There’s no way out for people like us…

There’s no way out for people like us.

Summary

Reaching an L.A. Crisis

Los Angeles

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

Here we are

The End of Days

Just like in the movies

It was all true after all

I can’t think anymore!

I can’t breathe anymore!

I’ve reached another

L.A. Crisis

California

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

Right here on Hollywood Boulevard

Dying on the street in Burbank

How was that a surprise?

They were all born here

They all died here

The legends

Drunk to full capacity

Drugged to full capacity

This is where

Hollywood drove them all

Over the cliff

Hollywood

Crisis Mode

Panic Attack

The End of Days

For me to discover now

To understand

To assimilate

To digest

The enormity of it

The enormity of it all

I will accept my destiny

I will go through it all

I will live through hell

But

I will survive

My L.A. Crisis

Summary

My new big venture will destroy everything

(chorus 1:)

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

Another big crazy idea

Just have to pursue it

Until it drains all my energy

And destroy just about

Everything else that is still standing in my life

My new big venture!

It will revolutionize everything

Once again

Never mind that none of my other big ventures

Never went anywhere

(chorus 2:)

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

It will be huge

It will change everything

By destroying

Just about

Everything else

Still standing

In my life…

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

I won’t stop now!

I have another big venture idea

That will change everyone’s life

For the worst

It is in the nature

Of every new big venture

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

Just have to be crazy enough

To sacrifice everything

Once again

For just any

New great big venture

Maybe

Just Maybe

One day

It will revolutionize everything

This time I will hit it big

Yes I will

I know it

Yes I do

Yes I will

I know it

Yes I do

Yes I will

I will

Will

My Imaginary Girlfriend

She is legendary

She is powerful

Intelligent

My imaginary girlfriend

She wants it all the time

She begs for more

She wants to please me all the way

My imaginary girlfriend

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

She’s filthy rich

More successful than Madonna

And pure of heart

My imaginary girlfriend

I can depend on her

I love her and she truly loves me

She even knows how to shut up

My imaginary girlfriend

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

She does not smoke

She does not drink

She’s certainly not a drug addict

My imaginary girlfriend

She’s not a bitch

She’s not killing me

She does not need to be shot in the head

My imaginary girlfriend

Just as well

Being so unremarkable

That my imaginary girlfriend

Is just imaginary

Summary

Are You Still My Friend?

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

I offended you

I stole everything from you

I understood the whole of your miserable life

I took pity on you

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

You’re my best friend, my only friend

I love you more than you could imagine

I thought that you were mine and no one else’s

But you have a life I know nothing about

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

I did not mean to

I’ve destroyed everything

In less time than it took to establish this impossible friendship

At least you know me, I was wild from the beginning

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

Could this be the end of that friendship?

Is it impossible to forgive whatever it was?

Are we going to be strangers even in the promised land?

It depends entirely on you

Oh dear, oh dear

What have I done?

Summary

Ready to Explode

I’ve got a headache

No problem

Just all my energy

Ready to explode

I’ve got this urge in me

To make another world from this world

Look, it’s there, it’s here . . .

A real world!

I’m not mad

I’m not dead

I’ve got all this for you

And it’s ready to explode

You won’t have time to see

Won’t have time to hear

Even though it’s all around you

I’m ready to explode

I’m going to inspire the masses

I’m inspiring the masses

With whispers

As powerful as guns

Come on, come on!

I’m alive!

I cry out to life!

We’re going to create this world!

We’re motivated enough to get somewhere

To build a new world

Recreate an earthly paradise

You’ve heard me!

Get going!

There are still things to inspire you in this world

Things to save lost souls

We can’t forget that hell is waiting to explode

Can’t forget who we are

Our humble origins can become great

Be proud of what we represent

And fulfil a great destiny

Enough of self-absorption

Self-pity

We are as huge as the universe

We are the universe!

Ready to explode!

Summary

Freedom

There’s a life after life

An existence after what they’ve made us see

It’s strong and powerful!

It’s all the energy necessary to be born

It’s the sum of all the good songs

Of all the marginal personalities

It’s what inspires people to achieve the impossible

It’s what makes a people a great people

This infinite urge will be born in all nations of the universe

An enormous structure free from the shackles of the past

An extraordinary new inspiration

We’ll march all over the surface of the universe!

Understand the infinite capacity of everything

Understand the infinite definition of the world

Assimilating the whole world

Assimilating universal knowledge

Nothing will stop our progress through civilisations

No law, no ambitious wretch

No civil duty

We’ll live and live and live in total freedom!

The freedom to breathe

The freedom to act

The freedom to be

Freedom!

Summary

Poetry to Galvanise a Whole Generation

There was a time when poetry saved lives

A time when a young man would travel the roads of France

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole world of the imagination

And rejecting all convention

That was poetry to galvanise a whole generation

Now is the time when poetry saves lives

A time when the young travel the roads of the world

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole world of the imagination

And rejecting all convention

That’s poetry to galvanise a whole generation

There will be a time when poetry saves lives

A time when the young will travel the roads of the world

To look for adventure on the open sea

Calling up a whole other world

And rejecting all convention

That will be poetry to galvanise a whole generation

Summary

Our Terrible Sentence

Forgive me God for I have sinned

I thought in my madness that I could save the world

I thought I could make a difference

I thought I had the power to change things

They deported me

They put me in prison

They stripped me of all the rights I’d been granted

They stripped me of all the hope I’d built up for myself

I deserve it

I was deaf

I was blind

I wasn’t up to it

Now I’m silent

Now I’m invisible

Now I’m dead

Is that what you want?

Now there can be no pardon

No possible understanding

No magic vision

In my mind you’re dead

Oh God, how your logic puts us in the wrong

How your will fails to move us

How your wisdom is unknown to us

My sentence is that of humanity

We’ve all sinned

We’ve all thought we could save the world

We’ve all thought we could make a difference

We’ve all thought we had the power to change things

We all failed

Our terrible sentence

Summary

Genesis

Have they even got any hope in life?

Any joy in seeing daylight fill space?

Are they still thinking about science, philosophy and politics?

Do they think they’ll discover psychology one day, late in the evening?

And has the wonderful world of money yet been born?

It’s called the world of marketing and sales

With project managers and managing directors

God must have created these things as irony or as vengeance

Once I saw a garden

Radishes, carrots, tomatoes

Earth and flowers

I didn’t see the advent of the business world written in the stars

Nor that of political wretchedness

I see the joy of someone who knows and can do nothing

Who walks free from every plague, every thought

Going out with no pressure, no qualifications

And walking all day without thinking about anything at all

A world that’s forgotten his existence

A world that doesn’t think any more

But lives and breathes

I walk in the wind

Learn to unlearn

To forget whatever we’ve tried to understand

Free myself from these machines and this noise

Flee from people running in all directions

I’m in quest of inaction

I want total emptiness

I want to live

Summary

They all killed in your name

Oh God!

They were all born in their own little world

They all interpreted your existence according to their own ideas

They all wrote their own bible and believed in it

They all thought they knew everything

They all thought they were right

They all waged war to impose their own ideas

They all killed in your name

Oh God!

Did you want so many nations and such wretchedness?

So many births and deaths?

Can pardon, absolution, ever come from all this hell?

We’re born, we die, just where we are

Freedom of thought has never motivated us

We all have our own laws, our own ways of doing things

They all waged war for their own ends

They all killed in your name

Oh God!

Didn’t you want us to convert our enemy?

Didn’t you want us to understand our enemy?

Didn’t you want us to help our enemy?

Didn’t you want us to love our enemy even if he kills us?

They all waged war

They all killed in your name

They’re all guilty

You probably wanted anarchy on earth?

Summary

Living in Infinity

I wanted to achieve great things

And I achieved them

I wanted to love the world

And I loved it

I wanted to travel over the oceans of the universe

And I travelled there

I wanted to understand the universe

And I understood it

I wanted to create wonderful things

And I created them

You don’t understand!

I’ve done everything

Loved everything

Understood everything

Created everything

But God’s work is never done

It’s always ongoing

And all the more majestic for that

It’s infinite

And I lack the energy

I lack the energy to achieve great things

To love infinitely

Understand infinitely

Create infinitely

I lack the energy to live in infinity

Summary

Life Isn’t Life

Who’s looking for life?

Is there life in this world?

I’ve been searching for it all my life

Late at night in the streets of the world

And I can now say

Death is the whole world

Death is in everything

Death is everywhere

So I can’t speak this language

So I’m here in this world without the right to life

And I still find a way of expressing myself

On all the oceans of this planet

There’s no land which can support life

Only hell

Words have no meaning

No way of expressing what I feel

The result of so many years of ordeal

Has only brought despair

In a world where I’ve got everything

It’s still not enough

I’m dying

Summary

I Don’t Remember

I wrote some twenty-five volumes on the subject

You didn’t listen to a word

You produced a work on inspiring politicians

I didn’t listen to a word

You wanted to revolutionise everything, thought your nation great and glorious

Nobody listened

I wanted to study something interesting in your universities

You didn’t listen to a word

You wanted my support and hard work

I didn’t listen to a word

You wanted to tear my country apart to be born among the nations of the universe

Nobody listened

I wanted to play my part, I wanted to be what I am

You didn’t listen to a word

You scolded me for my way of life, for not being part of my nation

I didn’t listen to a word

Now you’ve got need of new blood because you’re dying

Nobody will listen to you again

Summary

Make a Difference

It’s always possible to leave those you love

It’s always possible to follow other paths

It’s always possible to challenge everything from morning to night

It’s always possible to begin to live again

Be happy and free!

Create your own universe, even if you have to rewrite all the dictionaries

You’ll be surprised at the results you can achieve

A personal success going well beyond what anyone else has hoped

It’s possible to make your life over again!

It’s possible to build a new world!

It’s possible to succeed according to your own principles!

It’s possible to be happy!

Being marginal has never been forbidden

Losing the respect of others has never been a problem

Saying that others are wrong is acceptable

Making a difference is something to be wished for

The only thing that counts is the final reckoning at the end of our lives

The only results that count are those we’ve wanted to achieve ourselves

We must free ourselves from everyone else

Be marginal and make a difference

Summary

God my darling

Oh God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

To continue in this world

Cos' it is to us to build it

Oh God, don't let me down

How nice it is to be on top of the world again

Knowing everything there is to know about everything

Did you know you could know beyond the horizon

All the things you used to know

All thrown out the window

Oh dear

There is always another way to see things

To interpret reality

Oh god knows if without it I would not be alive

To talk about it without talking about it

God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

So many songs could motivate you tonight

So many people that could electrify you

And you are thinking of death

Smoking cigarettes until you spit blood

Drinking until you cannot see anymore

Did you have dreams?

Did you think you could change the world?

I do

I have the most wonderful dreams

I am changing the world

I am

Though I do not think anymore

Of wonders and peace and infinities

The horse has spoken

Destroyed my ideals

No matter

What good are ideals when you have the dream?

I won't sleep tonight

I will be awake and talking about what matters most

To drive you crazy

I will open your eyes

I will open your eyes to the real world

Being the driving force behind a nation

Thinking of new ways to be immortal

Deepest sights and glories

I'll show you, make you understand

That you do not see and do not understand

My deepest thoughts

Frightening views of the underworld

What is happening to this world without your knowledge

Isn't that great

Oh God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

To continue in this world

Cos' it is to us to build it

Oh God, don't let me down

God my darling

You will see tonight what motivates a man

Summary

I am out of this world

Wasteland

Vast wasteland in front of you all

All you were ever able to produce and protect till death

It contains your life story

Your information in the making

DNA lost and lost and lost in and around

Like a slinky going through the heavens

The snakes walking in the spiral of your downfall

3D world for 2D people in a 1D thinking process

Oh shit, have I said too much for your poor mind?

You don't see

You don't understand

Because I don't want you to

I am killing myself over you

I am killing myself for you

I am the person who will injure you for what you represent

I am the rebel of your destiny

Your useless destiny

I don't need my 15 minutes of fame

To communicate that to you in a way that will never reach you

It is exploding in your face

You have never tried

To see beyond matter

Foolish destiny

You do not have the freedom of decision

You never had

Where you are now and where you are going was not written

It is happening and will happen without your consent, without your decisions

It had to be, there is no other way

Where you are going now is computable

It obeys mathematical equations and there is no freedom of thought

Even I cannot free myself from it

Why bother then? God only knows

How sad must it be to know that we had no other choice than be stupid

Obeying some sort of laws of irrationality beyond comprehension

Cannot commit suicide because there is no other way

Cannot be intelligent because there is no other way

You follow your own course, you cannot deviate

You do not choose

You do not really think

It was predetermined by nobody

That nobody that has the last laugh though it serves no purpose

Philosophy was going to happen one day

It was nice to think it meant something

Obviously it never meant anything

How else would you know exactly what will happen tomorrow?

There is no free will in this world

It is a pointless world

Can't commit suicide, it was not written in the stars

Unfortunately

Summary

Presque vu (Almost Seen)

I feel like I could almost feel it

I feel like I could almost reach it

Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand

And yet it is out of my reach!

Sometimes I understand

I can see beyond everything

I can surmise how the universe works

I can change destiny

Must be because I am totally disconnected

Must be because I am mad

I am certainly crazy

Visions or dreams?

Have I told you my brain is not working properly?

I am schizophrenic

I am suffering from epileptic seizures

Hallucinations of all sorts

That is how I finally connect the dots

That is how finally everything makes sense

That is why I understand the universe

That is why I understand that reality does not make any sense

I feel like I could almost feel it

I feel like I could almost reach it

Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand

And yet it is out of my reach!

Summary

The well of wishful thinking

I see a well on the horizon

Quickly I go there and throw some money in it

I am so empty

I make a wish

Will all my dreams come true?

All the changes in my life that I wish for?

Will I suddenly be rich and famous?

No need to do anything anymore till the day I die?

Oh you, well of my destiny

Make all my desires come true

The world coming to a stop

To see what it is they live for

I am so simple minded

So stupid that spiders creeping on the wall don’t realize

How worthless I have become

Still I have this complex of superiority

Does not make much sense

Oh, well of my destiny

Help me understand what my purpose in life is

I have lost any kind of motivation

As incomprehensible as these old expressions are

Perhaps you do not mean anything after all

Wishing well of my destiny

I am empty

As empty as you

Summary

I am Saint Karen from New York

(Co-written with Saint Karen)

I am Saint Karen from New York

The isolation is intense

That's why it is so refreshing to think

Why is everyone so afraid of confrontational honesty?

I even encounter it in the angst subcultures

It seems like fake angst is accepted because it is a packaging marketing gimmick

But real raw existential panic is hard for people to digest

I certainly see it in the local music scene

Sometimes it's easy for me to feel insecure about myself

But then I just have to plow forward and realize that I must keep agitating the sleepy masses

I like to think of myself as Joan of Arc

Who knows maybe she was in touch with her nothingness

I noticed I mention God a lot

God has always been an influence

Did he eventually ever fall in love?

Did he have a 9 to 5 job anywhere in this world?

Then he would understand what I am going through

Well I thought a lot about spirituality

Got me nowhere, as expected

I guess I will never see the light

Condemned to walk this earth till the end of time

Causing trouble in the mist of New York

Forever and ever

My vision

That is my destiny

Summary

Stuck in a Time Loop

Oh God

I am back where I was

Where I have always been

What is it I have to learn here that I have not learnt before?

Are you not worried that I will get bored out of my mind?

That suddenly suicide will become very attractive to me?

Seeing the end of this life means everything to me

Nothing new on the horizon

Nothing new

I have tasted something else you know

I am getting somewhere, or so I thought

But I am not

I am still here

Stuck in this time loop forever

I can’t bear it anymore

I do not want that

I want my freedom

I want to live!

To explode on the universe

Have an impact beyond comprehension

I want to dictate!

I want to change the world!

I don’t want to be stuck here

I don’t want to get back to square one

Every damn minute of my existence

Where’s the way out?

What can I do to change my life?

I don’t care if you don’t think like I do

I don’t care if you don’t agree with what I am

I won’t be stuck in this time loop any longer

I will change everything for the better

No more authority

No more hierarchy

No more daily routine till death

No more anything you have ever known

I do not accept this way of life

I will break this loop

I will be free

Summary

God forbid

If I were to dictate around here

God forbid

Things would work

If I were to control your destiny

God forbid

You would meet the biggest wall of all

If I were to decide to act

God forbid

The end of the world would be near

If I were to shoot you

God forbid

You would be dead

If I could control the elements

God forbid

I would be halfway across the galaxy by now

If I could devise the plans

God forbid

We would be a higher form of life right now

If I could invent life

God forbid

Life would mean something

If I could live

God forbid

I would live to the maximum

If I could cry

God forbid

I would cry

If I could just be aware for one long second

God forbid

I would see and understand everything there is to understand in this meaningless existence

But there is no chance of that since

God forbid!

Summary

There is no Point

There is no point in anything

I am out of this world

I don’t exist here

What do you expect?

Richness and wonders?

La huitième merveille du monde?

La fin du monde?

I have been expecting it

Takes too long to happen

Nothing contents me

Nothing makes me happy

Distractions, well…

They don’t last

Happy world

Everything is nice and expected

I need more

I need much more

More than you could ever provide

I need to get out of here

Out of this universe

To understand everything

But I already do

I am out of here

I live somewhere else

I understand everything

There is nothing to understand

I am a program

That cannot see beyond the programming

And when I catch a glimpse

I see that there is no point in going any further

Being out of ones mind

Out of this world

And see what is out there

And it is the same

The same shit

At another level

Big deal

Is there a point to all this?

Perhaps if I die tonight I might find out

Summary

That’s it, I had enough

I had enough

Of these dreams

Of this unexpected breakthrough

Of these infinite possibilities

How I got myself in such a situation

That I have five days left to live

Before it is all over once again

Until I find the next idea

The next solution that will get me going for another five days

I can no longer live like that

I had enough

I refuse to continue

To hope for a better life

To hope for all my dreams to come true

I have made my decision

Gone!

Gone this life I dreamt of

Never have I been so close

I don’t care

That’s it

I had enough

One more drink is all that I need to finally connect the dots

I won’t dream anymore that someone will come and save me

This only happens in films and maybe not

I’m as good as dead

I cannot pay anymore for all my faults

I cannot live anymore for all my dreams

It is all beyond me now

I am as good as dead

Summary

Never been so low

I have finally reached rock bottom

I never thought I would reach it

I always hoped for something, anything

Now I know it was all useless

I am not expecting anything from God

I am not expecting anything from anyone

Because even a miracle would not save me now

Something has changed in me

I don’t want any savior anymore

I don’t want to be saved

I am beyond hope

I have known it for a while

I did not want to admit it

I have tried so hard!

To get out of my misery

And now I don’t want to

Fight anymore

Survive anymore

Hope anymore

This is my will

Delete me

Delete my life

Delete everything!

I do not want to have existed

I was never meant to be!

I am a mistake

Why was I ever born?

I did not want to!

I don’t want this life

I never wanted it!

Let me go!

Let me die!

Please, I’ll do anything!

Anything to have never existed!

I was not meant to be

I was not meant to exist

I need to correct this mistake

I need to be deleted

I need to die

Summary

Towards the Green Fields

Every night I dream of green fields

Wherever they are

That is what I need to fall asleep

I always get back to that

Green fields

Peace of mind, peace

From you, your existence, your babblings

I always need a break

Dream is my escape

There I don’t really exist

There are no consequences

No memories

I don’t know where I come from

I cannot remember anything superfluous

Nothing that can be linked to a useless name

To a life of some sort

I am out of here!

Nothing will ever save me!

I’ve always known that

Sad I never did anything concrete about it

Except walk around endlessly

In what I thought was my little universe

It is way too small!

Look at the stars!

It is infinite!

What am I doing here then?

God knows…

I was not meant to be human

I was meant to be the Universe

I am supposed to create the world

In seven seconds

Every day

As many worlds as is necessary

To get lost everywhere every second of the day

One day I am here, the next I am there

I am all over the place!

I am everywhere!

As many places as I can think of

As many universes that I can create

An infinite amount of me in as many universes as there are

I do not know of any reality

I’ve never known of anyone’s existence

This is the beginning of a new destiny!

Splashed over the stars and galaxies

This is where I belong!

There are green fields everywhere

Even in the darkest spots in the universe

Where no one ever went and will ever go

Let’s face it, you do not need to exist

I see you every day walking everywhere for no reason

There are billions of you and you are not bothered by that

How useless you are in this mass of the same thing

Countless human beings with no brain

Not one of them wondering why they are here or alive

Should not deserve to be here or alive

There is place for only one soul in my green fields, mine

And mine alone

I don’t see billions of faces

That all look the same to me

With the same story to tell

Ahhh! Emotions, feelings, love, conflicts, a desire to assert oneself

You’re all the same

You are but one person!

But not with me

I am the Marginal

I am out of your identical and meaningless identity

I am the one apart from the masses

I do not understand you

I do not want to be part of you

I do not walk like one in between you when I walk brainless around you

I look at you all and I wonder

I am not part of this

I am not like them

I’m not sure why

I just know

I don’t belong here

Just because I understand that all this is meaningless

That I am only one in billions

I know I am not the same somehow

I know I am different

And I know you despise me for being different

I know you do not want me in your society

You know I don’t belong there

You hate it when someone is not like you

You hate it when someone stops to think some more about the world

You hate it when someone is different, you don’t want them there

They could question you, judge you

They could question why you exist

They could understand how small you are

You know

And I know too

You think there are billions of different personalities

You secretly know there is only one and the same personality

And you share that same identity with everyone on this planet

I am different, I am unique

And thank God for that!

Otherwise there would certainly be no point in living

With a useless job title to justify some sort of meaning to one’s existence

I have my corner of the universe

I possess one little house somewhere

Let’s locate it by satellite

Here it is

That dot lost in between countless dots

That’s you!

Proud achievement!

Useless achievement

I live in my green fields

And they are nowhere to be found, for you that is

Summary

I am going to heaven

(Descent Into Hell)

How many times have I found myself here?

Hundreds of times

Did I see light on the horizon?

Never

But I’m never alone here

I see familiar faces

I meet famous people

Will we all be here?

My descent into hell is infernal

It burns me completely

It eats me away inside until there’s nothing left

That’s my destiny

A zombie in the caverns of this world

Seeing dimly at the summits of this life

We’ve all been going round in circles since the beginning of time

How could we have been happy?

With this guilt that eats us

This regret that burns us up

This remorse that kills us

It’s a descent into hell

Well, I’m not going to moulder away here

I’m not going to die here

I’m going to get my things together and go up to the surface again

For having suffered so much here on earth, I too am going to heaven

Summary

Death Valley

An endless desert

An endless road

The feeling that you’ll never see civilisation again

Running out of water or petrol, that’s all it needs

On this road which is badly in need of repair

And without a single tourist

This was the moment you chose to make your latest outburst

I panicked, went into the ditch

We hit each other with our fists

I went off into the mountains, or whatever you call those canyons, with my face all bloody

I didn’t want you to find me

I didn’t want anyone to find me ever again

I walked for a long time and I never felt I was in any danger

Rage made me forget I had no way of getting back to Los Angeles or London

You had all my meagre possessions

It wasn’t the first time I’d left everything behind

Your bad temper had become my bad temper

Your problems had become my problems

Your moaning had become my moaning

Your hell had become my hell

And suddenly, lost there alone in the desert

I looked at the sky, the sun and the white moon you see in daytime

And I felt good

I felt happy

Your bad temper, your problems, your moaning, your hell

Were no longer mine

You had already gone on towards Nevada

I was about to die there alone in Death Valley

And I felt wonderful

I had no more problems

No more moaning on the horizon, just some strange trees

In Death Valley, condemned to die

I was in paradise!

Summary

Inner Peace

Purity of mind

Innate clarity

The brain breathes

Oops!  It’s fallen

Get up!  It’s fallen

Aaargh!

What a lovely day

Such a nice breeze

Let’s walk in the park

Ah, the trees are in blossom!

I need that now

I’d like to doze off here

Sleep for hundreds and hundreds of years

Wake up again when the world has disappeared

I’m not thinking about anything any more

I’m creating a void

Filling myself with this view

It’s starting to rain

I’m on earth

I see the blue sky

And the birds

What lovely day?

I didn’t even dare get out of bed this morning

I took a good look at the prospect of living

And went back to sleep

Summary

The New Age

We’re getting to the end of an era

To a world where all the laws will be different

Where frontiers won’t exist any more

The freedom necessary for the survival of the species

Wars don’t matter, nor religions, nor existing political systems

A huge revolution is coming

Nothing can stop it because it will happen automatically

Almost naturally

And everyone will welcome the results

Rejoicing in the consequences

Discovering a new universe

We’ll go where it seems good to us to go

Time will no longer limit us

At the dawn of civilisation

A new age will begin

Summary

To Hell with Conformism

I never wanted to be different

I always wanted to be part of the group

It was never amusing to be pointed out

To have to fight

And all the rest of it

I’ve always been seen as a danger

A danger to the conformism necessary to society

So am I a danger?

Am I such a threat that I must be eliminated?

I’ve never understood why we don’t have the right to go against the rules

Don’t have the right to say that what we learned wasn’t true

Don’t have the right to think differently from the rest

But I’m not going to apologise

I am different

I think differently from the rest

They call me weird

They class me as dangerous

All right then, I’ll be weird

I’ll be dangerous

I’m going right to the bottom of your neurosis

I’m going to challenge everything

I’m going to challenge you

I’ll play out my true role as a marginal

I’ll rally all the marginals on the planet

And become too strong for anyone to fight me again

I am different

And I’ll act accordingly

To hell with conformism

Summary

I want to cry

I want to cry

That’s what you’ve achieved

That’s the feeling I get when I look at your achievements

It’s not enough, it’ll never be enough for me

So what are you doing about it?

Don’t you want the world to be better?

A world where we can all be happy?

What’s stopping you?

What are your thoughts?

It’s not a matter of law

It’s not a matter of politics

It’s a love story

Love your neighbour, live and let live

Can’t you find it in your heart to want to save the species?

Open everything up, even your own guts?

What are you afraid of?

That a monster under your bed will come and bite your toes?

Forget your devilish religion

Forget your devilish laws

Forget overprotecting the brains of your wonderful children

Just for a moment forget about defending your little bit of territory

Forget your flag!

We’re more than that

We’re in the process of disappearing

We’re going to disappear from the face of the earth

We must leave

Leave this world

Far, far, far away

Begin again elsewhere

Begin everything all over again elsewhere

Only, will we have the chance?

Summary

Sold to Other People’s Ideas

That’s me every day

In the street, at work, in my flat

Selling myself for no reason

But a crust of bread

Great plans for the future of humanity!

Revolutionary ideas to bring a whole country to its knees!

Ideas and ideas raining down from the sky!

Everything in my way crushed and wiped out

That’s me spat out

On the surface of this table

A reflection in the mirror

Oh, I’m handsome inside

Violence!

Killings!

The dead piling up!

Being sold for the ideas of others!

I’m selling myself for you

You’re selling yourselves to me

The results are horrifying

Thirty million dead sent to Coventry

I’m rich now

Prostitution pays well

You’re alienated now

It’s time to make everything add up

That’s me every day

In the street, at work, in my flat

Selling myself for no reason

But a crust of bread

Summary

A Swamp Full of Tadpoles

I’m the prisoner of something too big for me

I try to rise to the surface but I only get lost

To die drowned by the waves closing over me

I suppose I was looking for it

I wanted to die among the masses

Pass by unnoticed in a world too big for me

To be insignificant in this swamp full of tadpoles

Was I aiming for something, really?

Did I really want to get out of this swamp and become God Almighty?

Have a life being heard and being listened to?

Having my turn at dictating what should be and will be?

Useless to deny it, I wanted to make something enormous

A monstrous centipede capable of yelling in every place at once

A monster with a thousand heads and a thousand voices

The voice of truth, a subjective truth which I could manipulate at a whim

How could I have lost courage

How could I have lapsed into silence among the masses

How could I accept all that?

Impossible

I mingle with the whole so that I can be heard as a whole

To be stronger and more credible

How could I have lost the true north?

Easy, I never lost it

I could be stronger than I’ve been

I could be the tadpole that rises out of the swamp

Who’ll become a powerful frog who can reach the lake

And then I’ll be happy

I’ll be liberated

I’m going to be able to breathe at last

And if I’m mistaken?

If I have to accept my status of tadpole in this swamp?

Let’s be realistic, I’ve failed at everything

Everyone managed to get out of the swamp

But I’m here for all eternity

And I can’t accept it

I still have dreams of glory

How to get out and become larger than everyone else

But I could be mistaken

I could die here without ever having been heard

Without having made a difference

Please help me to accept this failure

But I could be born again from my ashes

I’m not dead yet

We must keep hoping for a better world

We must stay motivated

We must be hopeful

We must get out of the swamp and make ourselves heard

I have to succeed

There’s no choice

It’s bigger than I am

We must challenge everything, we must challenge the universe

We must question everything, question our conditions,

our position in the universe

It’s stronger than I am

It must change!

Summary

Go ahead with your dreaming

For what it is worth

To hope for so much

Can only be deceived the day it becomes reality

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

How I wish I never had any dream

Never succeeded in making them come true

What is there left for me now?

No more dream worth pursuing

No hope that one day everything will fall into place

That I'll be free to do as I wish

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

If I were to go back in time and decide to pursue my dreams

I would not do anything

Better continue to hope in a better world than be disappointed

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

Go ahead with your dreaming, for what it is worth

Hope in a better world is all there is left

Cos' there'll never be a better world

You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try

Summary

Being stopped by love

Love is a prison

Love is the biggest obstacle to conquered

Love is everything between you and success

Love is not worth it

Love is no reason to stop you living

Love is no reason to stop you from having friends

Love is no reason to stop you from smoking and drinking

Love is no reason to stop you from living the way you should

Love is a prison

Love is the biggest obstacle to conquered

Love is everything between you and success

Love is not worth it

How much more whinging must one suffer?

Complaints going on and on and on?

Bitching and blaming and accusations…

It’s a living hell!

Love is a prison

Love is the biggest obstacle to conquered

Love is everything between you and success

Love is not worth it

Love, is not really love

It stops life

No way

Just get rid of it

Oh, how I wish I could!

Summary

I'm Useless

I wanted to be at the top of the world

I wanted to be a billionaire

I had dreams of controlling the planet

I thought I would wipe out everyone on my way to success

I am at the bottom of the world

I have more debts than England

I am not even controlling my five cats

People wipe me out on their way to success

I was going to be the best Prime Minister there ever was

I wanted to be a business man with a conscience

I was going to help people get out of their misery

I was different and I was going to make a difference

Politics make me sick

Capitalism is killing me

I am the most miserable sod there is

I'm different all right, but nowhere near making any difference

I wanted to be a rock star

I saw myself as the best author ever

I would have made movies worthy of the Oscars

I was on my way to revolutionise everything

I can't even play a note

I can't write anything worthy of any attention

I held an Oscar once, and that's about it for that

My revolution has yet to come

I'm hopeless at everything

I'm worthless at even living a normal life

I have failed in all my jobs

I'm useless

Summary

No Way Out

Why, oh why!

Why am I so miserable?

Why am I so depressed all the time?

Why can't I have fun like everyone else?

Why is happiness just an impossible goal?

What an injustice that I was born like that

Worrying about just everything

Incapable of appreciating one single thing

Sinking lower every day

No way out

Why, oh why?

Why can't I see beauty?

Why can't I appreciate the simple things of life?

Why is it that I was expecting so much?

Why is it that it is never good enough?

Such high expectations

Standards so high that they could never be reached

It has all gone wrong

A living hell I've made of my existence

No way out

Why, oh why?

Why was I born like this?

Filled with an emptiness larger than an ocean

Dreaming of the infinities while watching the night sky

Hoping I was anywhere else in the universe but here

It's not fair!

To be born different

Unable to live a normal life

Unable to accept reality for what it is

No way out

Why, oh why?

Summary

When I was a little boy

I remember when I was a little boy

I was filled with wonder

I looked at the night sky

I asked questions

I could not understand this universe

When I grew up

I stopped wondering

I looked at the night sky

I am asking no more questions

I still can't understand this universe

When I was a little boy

I watched silently the world around me

I watched TV

I asked questions

I could not understand this world

When I grew up

I stopped watching the world around me

I watched even more TV

I can't even think of a question to ask

I still can't understand the world around me

When I was a little boy

I did not know what to do with my time

I was as empty as the universe

I was waiting for something to happen

Nothing ever happened

When I grew up

I did not have the time to do anything

I was filled with all this surrounding me

I am waiting for some peace of mind

Too many things happen at once

When I was a little boy

I was innocent

I was ignorant

I was nothing

I was indifferent

When I grew up

I was no longer innocent

No longer ignorant

No longer nothing

But gosh I wish I was indifferent

Summary

Remaining true to oneself

No more lies, ever

Can be plastic for a while

If it serves my purpose

But ultimately, there is only one truth

There is only one destiny

I am following it

It does not involve anyone else

And these people

Does not matter

They are all so insignificant

This is not what I want

This is not my life

Shining, being successful, making millions

These things are not important to me

This is not me

I have created a whole new universe

I am living in there

Whenever I can, that is

However, this is all there is

Nothing else

Life, success

I’m flirting with them, no doubt

When I can get inspired from it

I should not forget that they mean nothing

They should not take me over

I should not stress over them

I am my only master

Only my freedom counts in the end

Only my happiness means something

And I won’t find that anywhere

It is a state of mind

To not depend on anything, or any place, or anyone

To get there

And I will get there

If I can recognise this, right here and right now

If I can stop and think

I may lose my way here and there

Forget who I am and what I can do

As long as I can remember my nature

As long as I can disconnect from all of this

And remember what it is that I am and doing

Then there is hope

I won’t play their game

I won’t be part of it

Nothing and no one is important enough

I don’t belong to them

I don’t belong here

There is another world out there

The dream world

The virtual world

My own creation

At the end of the day

This is all there is

And nothing else

If nothing else

I will remain true to myself

Summary

Get inspired, if you can

Not too many things

Not too many people

Not too many can inspire

Energise you

Break the mould

Break out of this reality

Break out!

Why waste time

Why waste a life

Why waste everything

For what is not worth it?

Who cares?

Who gives a damn?

No one

Unless they forgot what was important

And God, there are so many of them

With no life anymore

You wish you could take them in your hands

Shake them

Until they wake up

But they won’t, they could not

They are too far gone

Not important

You is important

I am important

I need to free myself

That is all that matters

I need to get inspired!

I need to revolutionise everything!

Even if it was all and only for myself

In my own little puny mind

I need to feel strong

I need to feel I am over everything else

I need to feel free!

To do whatever I want, whenever I want

That I could still be successful

That I could still be appreciated

That I could still be desired

That I could still be right there in the middle of it all

Are you blind?

Are you completely out of your mind?

Are you that desperate?

Or am I still worth something despite my convictions that I am not?

I am ugly

I am old

I am worthless

I don’t give a toss about anything

I am the last person you would like to hire

And yet, I’m still there playing your mind games

And suffering from it

There is nothing else I need to do here

There is nothing else I need to say here

There is nothing else I can do that will make any difference whatsoever

There is nothing I can say that is worthwhile

I can’t get inspired anymore

You have killed any sort of original idea I could have

Nothing is worth it anymore

Not that it ever was

I won’t reinvent the wheel, I know that now

I have accepted it

Get inspired while you can

While you feel you can still be inspired

I certainly can’t

I don’t remember a time when I was

You have made a miserable human being out of me

Summary

I’m not proud

I’m not proud

Of being a human being now

I don’t think I ever was anyway

But now I have a damn good reason

While all my fellow citizens are losing their mind

I’m not proud!

I’m not proud of any of you

You have given up

You have given everything you had

You are asking for less

Standards have gone out the window

You deserve what is coming

And you let it happen

I’m not proud

Of the human race

Of what we have achieved

Of where we are going

Nowhere

Who could be proud?

No one

I’m not proud

I’m not proud of you

You cannot see beyond the next hill

You cannot see what is coming

You are doom

And yet you don’t care

I’m not proud

Of being who I am

Because I cannot make a difference

I cannot tell you

I cannot change anything

I witness it

And that’s it

That is why I can only say

We deserve what we have

I’m not proud of what we have become

And neither should you

Summary

In Between Days

Unfortunately

I have the time to see it happen

I have the time to think about what is to come

I don’t like it

I wish it was there right now

Before I had the time to doubt myself

To doubt the universe

And its mechanisms

Oh, how I am wasting time!

Oh, will it still be there for me?

Will I be able to accomplish anything once I’m there?

Do I need proof that I am following my destiny?

Can I leave all doubts out the door?

Oh, I wish I could

Oh, I’m not so sure it will all happen

Am I still in control?

Am I building up this huge work of art?

Or am I just as lost as I always thought I was?

Am I just a useless piece of crap?

Living within other lost ones

With no ambition whatsoever

Who can only complain

And complain

And complain

Until there is nothing left

That resembles life?

I am so tired to hear this planet whinge

That I’m considering wild solutions

To stop this whinging

I’m gonna turn myself into a weapon of mass destruction

I’ve been pretty successful so far

As I am myself a first class whinger

However I can’t stand it anymore

On the verge of such a radical change

There is no more time to whinge

Only time to think

Only time to plan

Only time to dream

I have no more time

For the problems of the humanity

I am in between days

Before the misery ends

Before the dream starts

And I won’t let anything stop me

Even for a second

Get lost!

Yes! All of you

Get out of my way!

I am on the path to my destiny

The past no longer exists

You no longer exist

Only I count for something now

Only I exist

I have to figure out

Everything

I have to figure out

What it is that I’m supposed to do now

Where it is that I am really going

What I am really going to achieve

I have work to do

And I will do it

Even if it kills me

Even if it kills you

Oh, how I wish I was no longer

Oh, I wish I was no longer

In between days

Summary

I don’t want to fall in love again!

I am guilty!

I have betrayed everything that I loved!

I secretly wanted it so badly

And now that it has happened

I can’t stand it!

It is tearing me apart!

I don’t want to fall in love again!

God please help me

Make sense of it all

What is it that I fell in love with?

Is it just an idea, a concept?

Is it more profound than that?

This history of places, of people, of deaths?

Somewhere in Maryland, in New Mexico, in the Nevada Desert?

Having Death Valley around the corner?

Losing myself in the dunes, the sun, the infinite…

Is this what I fell in love with? Tell me

Is there a cure?

Was I allowed to see too much?

Was it too soon?

Was I ready to fall in love again?

I don’t think so

Now it has happened

I have to deal with it

I have to

Somehow

I was already in love with the greatest cutest little thing

It was called England

It was my playing field

And believe me I played hard there

I am crying again, and again, and again

Everything there is to cry

The most beautiful thing ever

So sweet and so much in love with me

How could I ever trade you for anything else?

I could never

I would prefer to die

The floodgate is opened

The tornadoes are raging

The earthquakes are comin’

I am at the dawn of a new life

I can see it emerging in front of my eyes

It is huge

It is powerful

It is far reaching

It is all I have ever hoped for

The price to pay might just be too much

It is too late now

I’m already in love

Again

Summary

Permanent Summer with Palm Trees and Canyons

What is there not to love in the San Fernando Valley?

It is always sunny

From whatever direction you look at

Sure enough you will see

Palm Trees

Mountains

Clean sidewalks

Little white houses

Purity to infinity

Innocence of a world

That has nothing to do with Hollywood

My universe is of a bright white

Immaculate

Puts all your thoughts in order

Of a tranquility not found in London

Suburbs of Los Angeles

With canyons in every directions

Topanga Canyon is the closest

Huge rock face with weird flowers and cacti

After it is Malibu Beach

Miles of sand with blue water

The Californian coast a few miles away

The heat of the sun keeps my balcony floor warm at night

And when it rains, it is a nice little rain

My simple little life

Without any worry whatsoever

It could easily be

If I would let it be

I can tell the time by where the sun or the moon is in the sky

Right over my head, it is noon or midnight

The shadow of the trees can also tell me

Where I am

What I am thinking

Inspiration for a lifetime

The kind of surge I get only years later

Once I have lost it all

I could never come back

It would never be the same anyway

These magical moments only exist at that very second

After that it is gone forever

And you have to go for the adventure

To find new inspirations

If ever you can find such moments again

I am about to lose it all

I can feel it

Got to cherish those moments while they last

They won’t last much longer

It could never be the same

It’s great when you don’t have to wait

Until you have lost it

To understand

That peaceful existence

Of a perfect moment in time

Summary

Whatever it is you couldn’t stand about me

Is it the packaging?

I know, pretty cheap, got no money

But you are rich I hear?

The sell by date?

I’ve long passed my sell by date

But never mind

You are rotten to the core

My frontal bar code?

Well, I’m sure it would not work with your mind reader

Is it my third eye?

My big mouth?

My bad teeth?

Do I have bad breath?

Oh, must be my brain

I was born deformed, I know

Compared to your perfection, that is

Is it my personality?

When I did not laugh at your boring jokes?

They put me to sleep, dear

Sorry

Is it because I’m always drunk?

Well, feel yourself lucky

To do what you ask of me

I would need to be drugged to full capacity at all time

What is it?

Tell me! Tell me!

My lack of enthusiasm when you wanted to enslave me?

Cos’ I have an excuse for that one

I was sick that day

You make me sick, dear

Just for being you

Maybe this is what you could not stand about me

That I could not stand you in the first place

Summary

My Island

I am disconnected

I don’t live here anymore

I live somewhere else

A perfect world

An island

A perfect one

How can I describe it?

A palace

Heights

Flying machines

A Sun

A Moon

Symbols

Problems

Which are not mine

Only beauty for me to see

To enjoy

To live through

Seeing trees

Landscapes

Other islands

The rain through the forest

An imagined history

Pure creation

Beyond any dreams

I feel it so deeply

I live there all the time

I cannot leave this place

I love this place

Such perfection

That I could never reach

In the real world

My virtual world

It has become so important

So central to my life

To my survival

How can it be?

It is virtual

It is just a dream

And yet it is so powerful

I don’t live here anymore

I guess I never did

I was always more there

Than I have ever been here

I am so confused

Did I ever exist?

Has this reality ever existed?

I’m not sure

I think I imagined it all

The real world is that island

Which I always come back to

I don’t know where I would be right now

If I never went there

I would not be where I am now

I’m sure of it

I’m so lost

I’m not sure if I really exist

I feel I can almost understand

That this is not real

My life

It cannot be

I am now on my island

In real life

It makes no sense to me

I am even rejecting it

It seems

It is only good in my dreams

Only acceptable as long as it is unreachable

It makes no sense

Tonight I’m not here

I’m out there

I’m on my island

I feel so good

I feel warm

I feel beauty passing through myself

I am that universe

It is all me

I am one with my world

With the world

And for once

It makes sense to me

I don’t exist here

I only exist there

That’s where I have always been

More there than here

It has become my reality

The only place I can really exist

Where I can feel good about being alive

At least I have that

Not sure if anyone else has that chance

I don’t care

I realized tonight

That I have always been living

In another world

And I am pleased that I finally accepted it

Reality is something of the past

Something that never really existed

For me

There is only one place to evolve in

To contemplate

To enjoy life

My island

Summary

Los Angeles does not really exist

For the first time in my life

I am convinced that my life is not real

I can feel it

It is a joke

And I’m wondering

Why it made me suffer so much

When really it was never there in the first place

You would think that after suffering so much

I decided to create myself a dream world

Freud would destroy my argument in a second

But I think he missed the point

I have reached another understanding

One that he could never reach

I understand that the world is not real

It is an invention

A creation of some sort

A testing ground perhaps

But no more than that

It is no more real than my dreams

My dreams are more real now

I stand somewhere over all of this

Los Angeles made me understand

No matter all the problems it sent my way

I just cannot believe it

I don’t buy it

It is all fake

Life is much simpler

Life is simple

And it is not what it seems

It is something else

I can see it so clearly now

Every tree, every bush

Have been placed there

For some reason

But it is a desert

It should be a desert

It should be emptiness

It is emptiness

It does not belong there

Nothing belongs anywhere

It was placed there for us

To act like if it was a real world

It is obvious to me

That it never was

And only here can I see it so clearly

It is all an illusion!

An elaborate scam!

The world does not exist!

Why do you still suffer?

There is no reason to

It was created for you to pretend

To be alive and kicking

When really

You cannot be

Nothing belongs here

You do not belong here

I don’t belong here

It is all someone else’s creation

And I refuse to be part of it

It is not mine

I have nothing to do with that obvious fake creation

This virtual world

I want to live in the real world

The world I have not been told about

Which oversees all of this so-called reality

I am now aware

I can feel it

I will reach the real world

I will

Summary

The extinction of humanity

What you qualify as my twisted mind

Is only a reflection of what you taught me

It is only the true and only consequence

Of what you truly tried to brainwash me about

It was leading there

I don’t understand why you feel this is not true

What did you expect?

Was it not what you wanted me to do?

To truly really do?

Is competition not the extermination of any threat to my being?

Is succeeding not preventing others from taking my place?

Is becoming rich and powerful

Not mean everyone else being a slave to my own desires?

If I am to control everything

Surely it means that no one else should have any freedom

If I am to lead the life I am expecting to lead

Then no one else can live in this world

What you qualify now as my twisted mind

Is your own twisted mind you did not realize you had

You were just too blind to see it

It is too late now

I will make all your dreams come true

And I will not get the blame

You will get just what you deserve

I assure you

What you taught me

It was leading there

To the extinction of humanity

Summary

Hail to the bugs, the true leaders of this world

By bugs

You probably thought I was referring to our politicians

But I was in fact talking about the true leaders of this world

Something much more powerful than any of us

Real bugs

We are at war

And we are losing it

It’s time we acknowledge our defeat

And consider them as our true leaders

Bugs have taken over the world

They inhabit us

We are still unable to kill them

They spread from one host to the other

We have become their home

It kills us

And then they move on to someone else

Until none of us will remain

To even support their existence

They don’t seem to mind

Not hard to understand

We have been following the same pattern

Multiplying until the Earth can no longer sustain any of us

But that was not the real worry

We will all be dead by the time the earth becomes unlivable

The bugs are winning the war

And we have not even declared that we were at war

Because we feel they are not really threatening

Until they actually reach either us directly

Or someone we personally love

Won’t be too long now

Soon we will all be infected

They’re winning the war

They mutate much faster than we could hope to mutate ourselves

And they don’t even need to practice DNA re-sequencing

They move at a much higher time rate than us

They’ve gone through millions of generations

Of permutations

Of mutations

While we were still debating what should be legal or illegal

Hail to the bugs

The next and only humanity

Perhaps they will find a way not to kill each other

And finally get out of the solar system

Something it seems we were never going to achieve anyway

What a pity

There is no greatness to speak of here

About humanity

After all

Perhaps we were not really worth it

It took so long anyway to understand anything

We only produced two geniuses

Newton and Einstein

And it took us hundreds of years

To finally understand

That they were completely wrong

Ultimately we produced no geniuses at all

It was all an illusion

The history of humanity is a sad one indeed

Plagued with stupidity

While we were praising our intelligence and greatness

Perhaps the bugs

In their own time frame

Will go further than we could ever achieve

The bugs, our only true legacy

May they be the ones finally getting out of the solar system

To continue humanity’s legacy to the stars

The only species with any real future

The only species capable of surviving any Life Extinction Event

Hail to the bugs!

The true leaders of this world!

Summary

My attempt to find happiness

What am I complaining about?

Don’t I remember that kid?

Living desperately alone when he was 18?

In a black hole in the North Pole?

I had dreams to see the world

To live everywhere

It started with Ottawa

Then Paris

Then London

Then Toronto

Then New York

Then Brussels

Then Los Angeles

I’ve seen the world

I lived everywhere of any consequence

I’ve achieved those dreams

Why was it not enough?

What more could I want?

I did not find happiness

I did not even find peace

I found no answer to all my questions

I guess I was not going to find them in Los Angeles

Under a palm tree

Or under a rock in the desert

I should have jumped into hard drugs with my two hands

Perhaps I would then have found some answers

Some happiness

I only found alcohol

I think it did not help much

I might as well have remained in the North Pole

Perhaps I would have found happiness there after all

Under a rock under the snow

After digging for a few miles

Nothing exists from before I reached London

And now that I am no longer in London

It seems that my life has ended

I am lost somewhere outside the fabric of space

Need to find a way back to my life

Need to find a wormhole leading back to London

Surely there is one between Los Angeles and London?

Or else

Bring me a Big Bang

If everything explodes

I might be able to rebuild or create something bearable

With all the pieces of my reality

Lost everywhere in the world

The universe is obviously too small for me

Happiness must lie outside of it

Great

Now I have dreams of getting out of the universe

I’ll find a way

To tell you if I have found happiness

Once I get there

Cos believe you me

I will get there!

And I better find happiness

Summary

Beyond that Californian Mountain

Get ready, we’re leaving!

I don’t know where

Don’t ask

We’re just leaving

There are some new horizons to explore

I’ve been told there was something there

To make it all worthwhile

Of course I don’t believe it

I don’t care

I need to get out of here!

I need to believe there is something

Beyond these Californian mountains

I see them every day on my way to work

And yet I am stuck in the Valley

Every day on my way to work

I cannot reach those mountains

I’m not even sure if they’re real

Who cares?

Get ready!

We’re leaving

I don’t know

Who cares?

I need to get out of here

I cannot be stuck like this

Anywhere!

I cannot just stop living

Anywhere

I need to feel alive!

I need to get going

I need to listen

To my sense of adventure

My need of exploration

What’s behind that mountain?

I don’t know

I don’t care

I need to go there

I need to find out

Don’t you understand?

I need to get out of here!

Get ready!

Summary

Where am I?

I don’t know where I am anymore

I’ve been everywhere

Time is no longer linear in my case

I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time

I don’t know what it is that I am supposed to do

I just know that I don’t want to do it

Where am I?

I don’t know where I am

I just know that I don’t want to be anywhere

Anywhere has never made me happy

Whatever I ever did

Never made me happy

So

How could I care where I am

What I am doing?

And especially

What I should be doing next

And where?

Where am I?

What is it that I’m supposed to do here?

Should it not be where I actually want to be?

Doing what I actually want to do?

It is not the case

So I could not care less

That is why I have the strangest ideas

The weirdest desires

Of changing everything

Nothing ever could make me happy

Nowhere in this world could I ever be happy

You could not make me happy

I don’t need you

I don’t need everything that you want me to do

I don’t need that shite

Just get out and disappear!

So I can get lost too

And never

Ever

Have

To give it

A second thought

Where am I?

Lost, that’s for sure

What am I doing?

Nothing, that’s for sure

Where should I be?

Nowhere

What should I be doing?

Nothing

Then

Perhaps

I might

Find

Happiness

Summary

I thought you were dead

I thought I succeeded

In killing all of you

In my own thoughts

My own dreams

And then

To my astonishment

You all came back from the dead

What is it now?

What do you want from me?

Don’t you understand

That you’re supposed to be dead?

Not existing

Being nothing?

I succeeded

In forgetting you

Accepting your death

Why do you come back now?

What are all those questions?

I don’t need to answer any of them

I’m in deep shit, as usual

I know you could help me tremendously

I know you don’t want to

I know you won’t

I know I would not accept it anyway

So why come back from the dead?

Especially now?

When I am so down at the bottom?

Do you enjoy seeing me down there?

Does it make you feel better

How low I am

And how normal you are?

Well, I never cared for normality

I prefer to be sinking really

Yes I do!

Don’t question me

I don’t know why

I don’t want to know

I am marginal

I am not like you

I don’t want to be like you

Let me sink!

I don’t care for zombies

Contacting me once in a while

To find out if I am finally getting somewhere

I am not

And I won’t be

For many more decades

Are you happy now?

Are you ready to go back

To the world of the dead?

Summary

Tomorrow will be such a great day all over L.A.!

I’ve got to be on lots of amphetamines

To even entertain the idea

That tomorrow

In Los Angeles

Will be a great day

All this town has been able

To bring me

Is a death wish

And yet

I am here tonight

Suddenly believing in miracles

That days are not passing by

Just to bring the worst in humanity

Every single day has been

Worse and worse

Even when you could not think

It could get any worse

Life always finds a way

To make it worse the next day

It is excruciating

Wondering what I’m doing here

That’s it

I can feel life leaving me forever

I might just die here

Unless I do something

Unless I get out of here before it happens

Is it not too late?

Just when you think

That you are due for a great day

Any kind of good news

That suddenly will change your life

Forever

You discover

That this town has played a trick on you

It is exasperating

You want to die

It is always worse the next day!

Surely

At some point

I’ll wake up in L.A.

And feel great?

At least once?

Oh God…

It just won’t happen

What a disaster

Summary

Sweet Chinese Girl

I know you’re a girl

And I’m a boy

And that by some sort

Of law of nature

We’re incompatible

I feel deeply for you

We’re in the same boat

A sinking boat

You’re left there alone

Looking at all this

Experiencing it for the first time

Totally desperate

Not knowing what to do

What’s coming next

I feel so bad for you

I feel so sorry for you

I’ve been through it dozens of times

It is second nature to me

That hell you’re just discovering

I would love to squeeze you in my arms tonight

Make you discover what it is

That you are actually missing

Everywhere I have been

Everything I have seen

Connected for eternity

To something larger than you have ever experienced

Forget what it is that they are doing to you

Come with me

We’ll go and explore this world

We’ll forget for a while

We’ll be happy for a while

You’re so sweet

For you I’ll make an exception

I will stop

I will take you under my wings

Until you can fly away

Far away from here

Understand that there is something else

Beyond the horizon

I’ve seen it

And yet

It is more of the same

Only together could we ever built ourselves

A fortress in which

None of them will ever have access

Come with me

I’ll make you discover

This world

Before they turn you into a monster

Sweet Chinese Girl

Summary

I’m Unstoppable!

Why do I always doubt myself?

I always succeed anyway in the end

I feel so powerful right now

I could take a whole army by myself

Get out of my way!

Nothing

No one

Will ever stop my in the pursuit of my destiny

I will accomplish every single thing I want

I will succeed at everything I put my mind to

And all of you

Trying to stop me

Will be wiped out of my path

I’m indestructible!

Whatever I want to achieve

I achieve it

Whatever obstacles you can see

I am blind to it

Nothing will stop me

No one will stop me

There is always a solution

The important thing

Is to not stop before it even begins

I need to go for it

Aware of the impossibility of it

Somehow

I always find a way

To make it come true

Money is the least of my worry

I never had any

And yet

It never stopped me

So believe me

When I’m telling you

That I am going to build this empire

I will!

I’m following my great destiny

I’m unstoppable!

Summary

Power is nothing

Real power in this world

Is nothing

It does not give me any buzz

I don’t care

For deciding the destiny of millions

Their fate

Their faith

It is insignificant

The real power is in the head

It is psychological

When you really feel powerful

Ready to create a new universe

Motivated like never

This is significant

This is real power

Creating something huge

When you’re off your mind

Alone

For that I might skip ending my life

For that power I sense in me

That never ending potential

To change everything

Without any real power in the physical world

It is worth living for

Power is nothing

No good ever came of it

But being powerful in your own mind

Can change the world

On a massive scale

Summary

I cannot be trusted, I will fail every time

You would think I was

The trustable type

Yeah!

Leave it to me!

I’ll take care of everything

Why not?

What are you worried about?

I’ve got a brain

So at least I thought

I’ll deal with it

Get out! Get out…

I can be trusted

I’ll take care of everything

Oh dear

I guess I was wrong

I cannot be trusted

You should never have left

You should never have

Trusted everything to me

I’ve destroyed everything

Just as I thought

Just as expected

It was so easy to reach that point

You would never believe

I cannot be trusted

I destroyed it all

Faster than thinking

About the fact that I had to be doubly careful about it

I failed

Miserably

Now you’re free to think

Whatever you want about me

I’ll fail you every time

I’m just

Not perfect

I could never be

I never wanted to be

I destroyed everything

And it was to be expected

I knew it

You should have seen it as well

I am not like the others

I am not perfect

I will never be

I’ve always known it

They have told you already

That I was not it

And yet

You did not believe them

You thought I had some sort of potential

How ridiculous

Well

Now you know

There was no hope for me

It took me less than a week

To destroy it all

Now

The only gracious thing to do

Is to announce

My resignation

Something I wanted to ask

For a long time now

One more argument

To justify it

To justify my utter failure

Thank you!

Thank you

For whatever

I’m not sure why

What

Who cares?

I’m gone

Summary

Completely screwed up

How can it be otherwise?

This world is trying its hardest

To screw us up completely

Until

No humanity can remain

I am!

Completely screwed up

Years of therapy will be necessary

To make sense of anything

I have ever said

I’m out of my mind

I do not know what I am doing

I am like a machine

Accomplishing the same tasks

Over and over and over

Again and again and again

I do not know where I am!

I don’t understand

What it is that I do!

I’m so lost…

I need saving

As I have lost everything

I do not possess anything anymore

I never possessed anything

I barely acknowledge

That I might

Have existed

Somewhere, for a while

And then somewhere else

For a while

I have the weirdest accent

From all those countries I am from

I can be from anywhere

Nobody knows

Nobody needs to know

That I am from nowhere

Completely screwed up

That’s what I am

Don’t try to make sense of anything

It does not make sense

Or else, I’d be happy

Happy go lucky

Lucky as hell

Maybe I am

Who knows

I’m confused

I’m screwed up

Your greatest achievement

For sure

I’ve seen it!

I’ve seen it all!

I’m from everywhere!

I have witnessed everything

There is on this Earth

You will not teach me tricks

I know them all

I thought I was screwed up

I understand now

That you are

Screwed up

Completely screwed up

And I am just plain normal

Summary

There’s no end to it

(I died that night…)

I died that night…

On the longest road ever

Going all the way to the North

Where there are no more cities

No more people

I’m listening to the most

Provocative music ever

Meaningful music

Going at an astonishing 150 miles an hour

On ice

While the snow is raging

God

This is happiness

This is the ultimate moment

Running along so fast

Trees passing by

Snow not slowing anyone

Just pure craziness

Seeing ghosts

Making weird decisions

Putting one’s life

Back into question

Right there

I made the most spectacular accident

I died for sure

Many times over

In all these parallel universes

I felt it deep

I am the only one left alive

Living to tell the tale

Of how crazy I was that night

Being alive for a change

Listening to the darkest music there is

I was already gone

I was already dead

I was asking for it

I was desperate

On this lone road going up North

Forever

Might as well have been

The only road to the North Pole

I was so alive!

I was alone

And I died

Many times over

I felt it

We all died that night

Now I am the only survivor

I should have just died

Like all the others

I feel

So

Alone!

I’m telling you

I know

I died that night…

Summary

Tonight I am alive!

Where have you been?

Don’t tell me

It does not matter

You could not have gone

Anywhere of any significance

It’s nothing

Compared with where I am

I’m out of this world

I’ve always been

My brain does not register

So many nights

Of being out of my mind

Does not matter

I tell you

It’s nothing

Don’t worry

I don’t care

You can’t understand

I’m out of here!

Tonight I am alive!

It is all in my mind

Full of deception

My own imagination

I can be so powerful you know

You do not matter

You never did

I’m out of it

I live in a different universe

Sometimes I’m dead

Sometimes I just don’t realize I’m alive

But

Tonight, I am alive

I am filled with all the power there is

I am electrified!

I have been living much more

In my mind than

In this reality

I discovered that a long time ago

I knew

I have always known that I was different

I am just incompatible with life

I never found myself

Anywhere

I never liked to be with people

I have always loved

To be alone

Then, and only then

Can I be myself

And so powerful

More alive than anyone has ever been

You will never know

What it means

To be alive

For a change

It’s all in the mind

When you’re far gone

And have always been

Tonight, I am alive!

Summary

I Shall be Free!

Written everywhere

In every book

Here is the lone line

Most wanted

Forever and ever

I shall be free!

And yet

No one is

We have not been saved

We have not been liberated

From religion

From politics

From social hierarchy

We are not free!

And shall never be!

You can die here tonight

You can eat your words

Your commands

Your powers

Because

I shall be free!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Shut up!

This just won’t do

You do not understand

Get out of my way!

Listen!

I shall be free!

I’ll make it happen

I’ll obliterate you

From space if necessary

I’ll find a way

To make you disappear forever

I shall be free!

You’ll never understand

Cos’ you’re blind

You do not know the meaning

You are lost

Brainwashed

I am not

I shall be free!

Who are you?

To decide for me?

To tell me what to do?

To stop me in my tracks

To condemn me

To a life of misery?

If no one is capable

Of telling you

How insignificant you are

I’ll prove it to you

I’ll erase you from history

I shall be free!

This is beyond anything anyone has ever known

This is greater than the universe

It is the ultimate pursuit of existence

Beyond anything there ever was

Beyond

There is no other way

No one can stop it

Mark my word

Forever and ever

I shall be free!

Summary

There is still hope for me

That’s my life!

This is my purpose

This is what defines me

I’m still capable

Of disconnecting myself

Completely

From this world

There is still hope for me

As long as I can

Move away

Place myself outside of it

Comprehend

The pettiness of this world

And understand

That I am not part of it

That I live way beyond it

There is still hope for me

I can replace myself

In the right context

Where I am

On my course towards

My real destiny

And see everything else

As meaningless

Not really existing

Cannot be affected by anything

Really

I’m just an observer

Reporting

This is my duty

And yet I’m just a spy

I do not suffer

I learn and I report

That’s my real job

And then I am removed from it all

I move on

I go and learn somewhere else

And report something else

I do not suffer

I don’t have the time for that

I am disconnected

I am never really there

Never there for long anyway

Just the time to take the pulse

Of the nation

And I’m gone

That’s just perfect for me

Never less than six months

Never more than a year

Just enough to never suffer

Just enough to feel

Disconnected from it all

Just enough for it all

To feel like it is a game

That I play for a while

Before disappearing forever

Towards new horizons

What a life!

Of suffering

But never for too long

I’m beyond that

As long as I understand this

As long as I can integrate that

There is still hope for me

Summary

I have lived! And now I can die…

Have you lived?

Have you got out of where you were born?

Have seen the world as I saw it?

Have you lived everywhere

Your heart was telling you to go?

Have you broke free

From just about everything

Ready to stop you to achieve your dreams?

No

Then you do not deserve to die

You have not seen the world

You know nothing about what’s out there

Get up!

Get out!

Explore the world

Listen to your sense of adventure

Forget everyone standing up in your way

Push them away!

You will see that world for yourself

You will live there for years

It will mean everything to you

You will achieve your dreams!

No one can stand in your way

The world won’t listen

Why should you?

Change country

Find out for yourself

That it is the just the same

But until you find out for yourself

You just don’t know

You cannot just die yet

You have not seen anything

You have not lived

How sad would it be

To die

Without having at least lost your illusions?

Your dreams!

Find out first that there’s no hope

To ever make you happy in this world

Before abandoning it

Who knows

You might get lucky

You might actually find what you’re looking for

I thought I did

In Paris, in London, in New York, in Los Angeles

Now I know I was wrong

I have lived!

Now I can die…

Summary

Being Nothing

I’m an explosion of places

A multitude of times

There are several versions of me

I follow this path or that while believing I’m following my destiny

But it makes me suffer so much

To know I’m following a beaten track and living too intensely

I try to accept, to experience, everything

Although I could easily spare myself

I’m an explosion of places

A multitude of times

I chase all sorts of possibilities

I follow this path or that, I’m my own destiny

It makes me suffer so much

But I’m learning to get acquainted with life

Acquainted with the lives of others

They’re just like mine

I’m an explosion of places

A multitude of times

But I still feel I’m nothing

Grubby and ugly, empty and worthless

How can such a heap of meat follow a destiny?

Summary

My Mea Culpa

Must we pay for our mistakes?

Can we be forgiven a life of misery?

Where do I go for a refund?

I want to take back this life

which I don’t remember asking for

I’ve lost it in trying as best I could

to make it liveable

Nothing works, I promise you

Always and everywhere unlucky

I pay all the time for the least of my actions

Will you forgive me the hell I’ve made of my life?

Will you understand it’s better

than the hell you’ve prepared for me?

I was born sick, seriously so

I’m in no way responsible for my destiny

Couldn’t sit happily in my own skin

Nothing could have kept me alive

if I’d had to work a nine to five day

Hear my will, while there’s still time

I leave you the guilt of my existence

Summary

Throw Me Away After Use

I’m non-returnable, even if it’s against the law

Can’t be recycled, the machine wouldn’t know what to do with me

All I’m fit for is burial in some remote spot

Where I’ll be forgotten far from any organized society

I only knew how to lose myself every which way in its dregs

I thought I could reach the heights by going in by the back door

But I despised those heights too much

I’m worthless, I’m nothing

I reject as a matter of course whatever could make me valuable

Whatever could make something of me

My mind can’t accept any sort of label

I do talk, but no one ever listens to me

No one has ever listened to me

Because no one ever listens to anyone

All they’ve done is to watch me, interpret me from afar

My life is only just beginning but already I’ve drawn up a balance sheet

Have I lived too much in so short a time?

And what use is living too much, I’ve had nothing out of it

Sometimes someone takes me,

appreciates me for a fraction of a second

Then they’ve had enough, spit me out again

Life isn’t worth the effort of living

Summary

Step Into My Hell

Come on, come in and share my hell

I’m at home here in the warm

It’s comforting when it’s cold outside and in

Sorry there’s nothing left to eat, that’s one of the joys of my hell

It keeps me alert, seeing human misery quite clearly

There’s plenty to drink, though, a bottle of French wine tonight:

La Vieille Ferme, Côtes du Ventoux

My survival depends on drink more than on food

I’m going out tonight, come with me

We’ll listen to a rhythm wild enough to wake up your heart

Make it beat at the right speed to lift you outside the walls of your life

I’m going to meet someone who’ll show me a new universe

You too can share it

Hear life being discussed, people existing

Revealing all their secrets to complete strangers

Because I’m a complete stranger,

more to my family than to all those unknowns that I meet

Step into my hell

Once you come to understand it, perhaps it won’t be hell any more

But you won’t come to understand it

Just as I won’t come to understand you

Must we for that reason try to wipe out one another?

There never was a war without loss of life

I’ve got nothing to lose, you’ve got nothing to gain

If there must be a fight, I’ll fight

If you want war, I’ll wage it

If I have to kill you, I’ll kill you

I’ve got nothing to lose, you’ve got nothing to gain

Step into my hell…

Summary

Flee, Flee, Flee!

Leave and go anywhere else

London, Paris, New York, Toronto

When everything’s going wrong

When people don’t understand each other

When you don’t look straight at me but glance to right or left

When your parents try to convince me I’ve got the wrong number

so that I can’t reach you

When my social life is truly bankrupt

because my studies take precedence

When shame, guilt and even nostalgia are killing me

Let’s sprinkle it all with whisky,

and make our sign of the cross

Flee, flee, flee!

As soon as anyone criticises me, no matter what for

Looking on me as less than nothing (which is entirely true)

Taking me for an idiot to be exploited all the way and back

Abusing me as much as they can and may, even within the law

You can trample all over me, spit in my face and finish me off altogether

I’ve still got the option of flight

Flee, flee, flee!

When the brain stops responding to the body

When my IQ goes up (against nature) by a notch

When I start to act like an idiot, talking to myself or crying in the dark

My only solution, utter forgetfulness, complete renewal, rebirth

Flee, flee, flee!

Summary

I’m Going to Shoot Myself

I want to do it without causing trouble or sorrow

My family have long since forgotten me,

how could they feel the impact of the shot?

I want to make sure that no one ever finds me

Spare myself a funeral, the fire and the urn

Leap into the ether and never come down again

Bury myself in the earth and never come up for air

Sink to the bottom of the sea and never resurface

Travel through infinite space without arriving anywhere

Become utter nothingness, with no remains in refrigerators or elsewhere

Burn up everything I’ve touched, even my own ashes

Be sublimated into energy which will lose itself among the stars

I’ve got to stop myself from thinking, finish myself off for good, not half-heartedly

Stop all the torment and wild fantasies

Blow all the circuits of memory capable of retaining

any token of my presence on earth

I have no pity for anyone, least of all for myself

Forgive me! I wanted nothing more than to live!

But living is impossible...

Summary

I Go from One Extreme to the Other

As with everything in this world, there’s no happy medium

Everything goes right or everything goes wrong

And my reactions are extreme

Either I’m having such a good time that I could die of happiness

(Sometimes just watching the movement of a snail)

Or I want to die drowned in drink

(sometimes just seeing a snail crushed at the side of the road)

I’ll draw down the moon for you or I’ll cut off your head and bury you

I’m on a strict diet or eating to bursting point like a pig

I’ll dance at the edge of the cliff

but sometimes I need a darkened room, hermetically sealed

I insult people and lose all my friends

or I shower them with more flowers than they can bear

I get through a task by working on it twenty-four hours a day

or I do nothing at all

I’m an extremist

As with everything in this world, there’s no happy medium

Everything goes right or everything goes wrong

Summary

From the Moment When . . .

From the moment when . . .

You’re worth nothing any more and it’s written in the stars

That you’ve failed at everything and have no future

That everyone’s rejected you, parents and the love of your life

That you’ve got no more food and it’s only by a miracle that you’ve survived this long

That you’re lost at five o’clock in the morning in the middle of some strange town with nowhere to sleep

Then real life begins

The life where you have no more hang-ups, no more shame

No morality, no outmoded values

Not answerable to anyone

Then I indulge myself to death

I make my base in London

I go out, drink, smoke, and rave the night away

And when I’m lost in the Underground on my way to the centre of town, I’m ecstatic!

I revel in my total freedom

I’m so far away from all those people who say things should be this way and not that

I’m far away from the ones who live in the past and have no hope in the future, without even taking a look at the present

Ah well, as for me, I’ve never lived as much as I do in the present

From the moment when everything you’ve ever known no longer exists, life begins

Summary

Love is Sweet

We’ve been head over heels in love for four years

We don’t understand each other any more but try to be faithful

We cook ourselves nice little dinners

Broccoli soup with cream, charlottes with maple syrup

We sleep together in a queen-size bed, hardly ever snore

We go together to the cinema, go shopping together

Everyone knows about our relationship and accepts it gladly

Life couldn’t be sweeter

But . . . where did we meet?

What no one knows is that we met in the bog at a bar in town

There’s nothing more romantic

A dark room filled with smoke at about two o’clock in the morning

I’d just arrived, was already drunk

I’d been smoking something dodgy, couldn’t see very well

You gave me a lift home saying perhaps we’d see each other again at the end of term

I gave you the wrong phone number

And now today that love is dead

All that’s left in my head are the worst moments

For a long time I wished you dead

Every year you left me in the lurch to look around elsewhere

The little friends you slept with would come and ring our doorbell

You’re a complete slut

Today I feel free beyond description

Love is sweet . . .

Summary

Something Philosophical

When my life makes no sense

When I’m a wretched as can be

And only want one thing – suicide

Quick, quick

Something philosophical . . .

The stars, the sky, the moon

The universe, the galaxies

The question of our existence

Quick, quick

Something philosophical . . . .

I’m dying

I weep

No reason to exist

Quick, quick

Something philosophical . . .

To bring me to something essential

Something not real

Something other than this reality

Quick, quick

Something philosophical . . .

Doesn’t matter what

Don’t know what

To make me forget

Quick, quick

Something philosophical . . .

Summary

There’s Nothing Worse Than People With Principles

There’s nothing worse than people with principles

Because their principles only ever apply to themselves

Because of course no one can live entirely

according to the best principles in the world

And so they don’t live up to their ideal life

And suffer enormously

Then they try to regulate our lives instead

According to principles they don’t respect themselves

And so my life is fettered by these principles

Principles which change from one person to another

And I ask to see how all this may be justified

Where is the source of what should and should not be

Life could be much simpler

Without all these futile principles

Summary

You Lied

How could you?

How could you lie to us all these years?

How could you manipulate events like that?

Why have so little faith in your children?

Did you think we couldn’t take things as they were?

Couldn’t adapt ourselves to new realities?

That we’d give one last cry and die?

No

We’re not fools

We’re not crazy

We’re capable of seeing, hearing, acting for ourselves

Taking control of our lives and being aware of what’s going on

Challenging everything from morning to night

And living in this new age of which we’ve been robbed

How could you?

How could you carry on like that?

How did you manage to hide so many things from us?

Everyone knew

Everyone understood

Everyone kept quiet

Everyone thought you were right

That these things must be hidden

Fear

Fear of talking

Fear of looking ridiculous

Of being destroyed

Of dying

How could you?

How could you lie to us all these years?

How could you manipulate events like that?

Some opinion you must have of your children

When you think it important they must live in ignorance!

And what would that change anyway?

Nothing

Summary

If I Were God

If I were a woman

I’d be beautiful

I’d be slim

I’d be clever

I’d be an engineer

I’d build a tower reaching up into space

I’d have 16 children who’d all be engineers

I’d understand everything happening around me

I’d embrace human rights, the poor, the orphaned

I’d be president of the company

I’d be Joan of Arc

I’d be secretary-general of the United Nations

But since I’m not a woman

I’m going to fall asleep in front of the telly with my beer

If I were President of the United States

I’d speak in the name of God

I’d be a diehard Christian

I’d speak in the name of family values

I’d be heedful of my duty and good

I’d be firm and ruthless

I’d joyfully love everyone

I’d kill the terrorist enemy

I’d be old and wise

I’d be rich as Croesus

I’d build up a strong army

I’d develop an infallible defence system

I’d rule the world

I’d be pure

I’d be perfect

I’d be the most powerful man ever

But since I’m not President of the United States,

I’m going to the bog to wipe my bum

If I were God

I’d have created you, you miserable human

I’d know what was going on in your puny brain

I’d laugh at your petty power of authority

Your shortcomings would make me laugh

It wouldn’t interest me how pure you were

If you were a delinquent in the making, I’d take an interest in you

All your laws and social niceties would be meaningless to me

I’d delight in watching you destroy yourself

I wouldn’t listen to your self-serving prayers

I’d know just how wretched you were in all your apparent greatness

Your life would be futile

Your death would be futile

Only my overall plan would count for anything

Only what I’d foreseen for humanity would count

Only the final reckoning after the death of humanity would count

And since I am not God

I’m going back to sleep

Summary

The British Dream

The phone rings, it’s my drinking buddy from Manchester

He asks me to go with him again to Camden Palace and get rat-arsed

One pint, two pints

New Order are playing

And suddenly the world belongs to us

We dream about being rich, leaving for Los Angeles

To forget that we’re poor and looking for work

Again we talk about starting our own business

It’ll make millions and be quoted on the stock exchange

Three pints, four pints

We’re doing justice to English pubs

Our capitalist side never really disappears

What we’re looking for above all is our independence

We’ll succeed at something, though we don’t know what

And at once we’re the brightest and most brilliant people of our generation

Five pints, six pints

Reality suddenly hits us

We’re nothing and we’ll never be anything

We can’t take risks and throw ourselves into crazy enterprises

You have to be mad to set up a business, only lunatics succeed

Seven pints, eight pints

We’re well into a coma

The whole world is mad, lunatics all of them!

What are we doing in this world?

Nine pints, ten pints

We vomit all over the toilets of Camden Palace

The two of us fall asleep at the bar

All our dreams wiped out by our natural functions

Compared to the American Dream, the British Dream is lovely!

Summary

The American Dream

I‘m nineteen

Just arrived in Los Angeles

Ready for anything

Queuing up at the Zombie Bar

To meet anyone there worth meeting

I’m not fussy, sleep with influential men and women

In a world of poverty you take advantage of what’s on offer

Me, me, me!

Now you’ll see I’m someone of little brain, great

With a good body, great

And an endless will to get all your plans going, great

We’re not in Paris, here you make millions, millions, millions

And spend it all in as long is it takes to say so

We’re not here for the millions

We’re here to meet the right person

I won’t wipe tables any more

I’ve done too much of that in all the capital cities of the world

Me, I’m going to be part of the world of the rich and famous

The fearsome world of Hollywood

I’ll have one hit, two hits, three hits, a flop

Drown my sorrows in alcohol, then drugs

I’ll be forgotten for years

Then resurface one day when someone gives me a break

But I’ll screw up again

Later go into detox

I’ll babble about the Teletubbies

Time for me to hold a gun to my head

But I’ll have succeeded, for just one moment

To live on another planet

Summary

I’m Ugly

You thought I was good-looking

That I was pure

That my standards were the same as yours

That I was a reflection of your true worth

A surprise and a lie

You’ve seen how ugly I am

What a tearaway I am

What an alcoholic

What a junkie

A surprise and a lie

Oh, I was a hypocrite

I lied

I let people believe I was something I wasn’t

I’m an actor

A surprise and a lie

I’m ugly

I’m a tearaway

I’m an alcoholic

I’m a junkie

Reality and truth

And who are you to ask me for a reckoning?

Who are you to accuse me?

Who are you to denounce me for fraud?

Who are you to wipe out my existence?

You’re as ugly as I am

Summary

The Power of Words

A woman wrinkled with age

When you look at her she shrinks

Away from the pain of this world

I bring her a rose

Sometimes you’re totally disillusioned with life

Sometimes nothing but dead flesh

Away from the pain of this world

I bring you roses

Sometimes it’s the rest of the world that seems disillusioned

Wanting to remove life

Away from the pain of the world

I bring it roses

I’ve read about it, heard about it, seen it

A universe closed in on itself

Away from the pain of the world

There are no more roses

Summary

Oh Gloria, If You Hadn’t Loved Cider So Much . . .

Oh Gloria, you were beautiful with your blonde hair

Your passions, your desires and love of fantasy

Oh Gloria, if you hadn’t loved cider so much

You’d have seen your three children grow up

You’d still be driving through the streets of Isleworth

You’d be cooking a turkey for Christmas Day

Oh Gloria, you were fascinating, a true libertine

You invented reasons for going back to your ex-husband because you still loved him

You fought to save your children from poverty

You kept hens and ducks in your garden

You were typical of your generation

And had a huge impact on anyone who knew you

Oh Gloria, were you as beautiful as they say?

I’ve never seen you, even in a photograph

But everyone talks about you all the time

So who were you to have made such an impression on me?

I’ll never know

Oh Gloria, if you hadn’t loved cider so much . . .

Summary

Virtual Sheep, My Only Love!

Three minutes have gone by

The world begins to wonder

Where is he now?

Then my heart beats wildly

I turn on my computer and click on my electronic sheep

It looks at me, hums, walks around and produces strange noises

This really cheers me up

My little sheep . . .

Then I begin to cry, for everything there is to cry about

Then it sneezes and I’m happy again for a moment

It jumps higher and higher

Leaps up on to the words in these lines

And this really cheers me up

And I cry more than ever

And I realise that I really love this virtual sheep

That it’s the only thing in the whole world that can stop me crying

But then I realise just how sad I’ve become

When a virtual animal is all that I have

And I really don’t know what I’d do without it

How could I have become so sad?

Summary

Letter From Prison

At night I look through the bars

I see the full moon

My gaze then falls on the cement floor

You’d believe I was thinking about remorse

Or about vengeance

But I’m not thinking about anything

My heart is empty

My gaze absent

I’ve stopped living

I’ve always held my breath

I look at the moon in the sky

I’m far away, far, far away in space

I can’t remember being born

I can’t remember having lived

A vague memory comes back to me

Only to be forgotten between the toilet and the stool

Human suffering

I despair of ever seeing a better day

When life becomes bearable

I hear stories through the bars

You’d believe they’d make me think

Or make my condition worse

But I don’t hear anything

My soul is deaf

My life is total silence

I’ve stopped living

I’ve always turned a deaf ear

I hear the stars in the sky

I’m far away, far, far away in space

I don’t remember hearing tears at my birth

I don’t remember hearing anything at all

A vague snatch of speech comes back to me

Only to be forgotten between the candle and my bed

Human wretchedness

I despair of ever hearing a better day

When the cacophony of civilisation becomes bearable

Summary

Death

I lay there in silence

Blood dripping on the ground

I didn’t see your gun

I’m dying for you

You’ve never understood anything

Unknown in the big city

Lost for days on end without seeing you

Waiting for you in Ottawa or in Paris

Where were you then when I was still alive?

I’m lying here in silence

Listening to myself die

My gun in the bracken

I’m dying for you

I’ve never understood anything

Unknown in the big city

Lost for days on end seeing you in my dreams

Waiting for you in Prague or in Texas

So where are you now that I’m dead?

I’m lying here in silence

Listening to you die

Whose gun was it?

You’re dying for me

We’ve never understood anything

Unknown in big cities

Lost for days on end without seeing each other

Waiting for each other in Toronto or in London

Where are we now that we’re dead?

Summary

Illumination

I saw light on the horizon

Got out of my boat to hear more clearly

Flew as far as the mountain

A wave filled the sky

Seductive music charmed me

In that light I saw

Sound travel over the fields

Flying with bats over the canal

Waves filled the sky

And I understood

All the answers were there on the horizon

In the smallest details in front of my eyes

Light, sound, waves

I flew all over the sky

With the eagle eyes of the illuminated

Summary

Madness

A tortured soul like mine

That has lost its direction

On the right road to happiness

That’s complete madness

I take all souls with me in my torment

In an endless madness at the brink of day

All the outmoded constructions

Which existed only in my imagination

Oh God . . .

I see things

I hear things

Beyond my understanding

Save me!

I’m at the beginning of time

I’m at the end of time

I’m infinite

Madness has got hold of my poor soul

I’ve gone crazy

Hear my prayer!

It’s as infinite as space

But in this universe I’m all-powerful

I control the capabilities of everything

I see beyond the horizon

The nightmare of my existence

I’m no longer myself

I never was myself

I’ll never be myself

Complete madness

Summary

Alone in the World

Oh yes, some nights I turn around

And realise I’m alone in this space

That there’s no way in or out that can lead me to anyone else

I’m alone in the world

I think about what’s going on in the starry sky

I’m trying to understand the reality around me

I work on my own ideas, my own ideals

I know that the rest of the world exists only in my imagination

This is my life, what’s in my mind

With trees and the camp fire

Nothing else exists

Nothing to poison my existence

I manage to forget you

I manage to forget that somewhere office blocks exist

Towns and their inhabitants

Duties and responsibilities

I find myself alone with my ideas

My theory of the universe

My home-made philosophy

My fate and my happiness

I’m leaving alone for space on my asteroid

I’m going out of the solar system

I’m exploring other galaxies

I’m alone in the world

Summary

Craziness

One day I woke up crazy

The way you are now

My only solution is this anarchy

They tried to lock me up for some time

Time for me to recover my spirits

Time for me to understand that life is a game

Time to understand we must always throw the dice

Time to understand we must accept hell

Pretend to enjoy it and smile at life

One day you’ll all be crazy

The way I am now

Your only solution will be medical help

They’ll lock you up for some time

Time for you to recover your spirits

Time for you to understand that life is a game

Time to understand we must always throw the dice

Time to understand we must accept hell

Pretend to enjoy it and smile at life.

Summary

Head in the Clouds?

You’re looking at me

I’m not listening

You attract my attention

Your head’s in the clouds!

I reply

No, no, my head’s not in the clouds

You watch me

I’m somewhere else

You panic

You’re head’s in the clouds!

I reply

No, no, my head’s not in the clouds

You spy on me

You’re infuriated

You yell

You’re head’s in the clouds!

I reply

No, no, my head’s not in the clouds

I’m much further away than the clouds

Summary

I Should be Dead

I can’t begin to understand

Why I’m still alive

When I’ve tried so hard

To leave this world

To rid myself of you

In ridding myself of myself

Flee from this old country

Go to new places to escape from other people in old countries

And isolate myself on a desert island

to be sure of finding the inner peace I deserve

I swallowed pills, hundreds of pills

Drank 13 bottles of whisky one after another

Threw up 13 bottles of whisky probably because I was full of pills

I bought myself all The Smiths’ records

Fired a bullet into my head but it went straight through my brain and I’m still alive

Good Lord, what’s a man got to do to die in this world?

Take down his trousers, and jump off a bridge

Blah blah blah blah, hic!

So go to hell

I don’t give a toss about you

What I’d like is to get rid of you forever

But that doesn’t work

That’s why I threw myself on to those electric cables

50,000 volts and I’m still alive

The only explanation

Is God, he’s the one who’s stopping me from dying

So He can screw himself!

Summary

I’m Your Slave

I’ve stopped living

I’ve abandoned all my plans

I’ve thrown my promising future out of window

I can tell the whole world of my misery and suffering

The hell you’ve made for me

There’s no place for joy in your universe

Happiness was never part of the equation

I’ve stopped thinking for myself

I obey your commands

I break the law and work all the overtime I can

I work like a dog to forward your useless projects

I’m your slave

Forever, yours for eternity

I give you my life, my talents, my skills

All that for your personal advantage

I don’t say a word

I listen to your sermons on my faults

I ask pity for myself

I’ll get to heaven

The heaven of slaves

Amen

Summary

Life and I are Incompatible

I’m a contradiction of nature in every sense of the term

I think differently from the rest of the world from A to Z

I’m totally sure there’s no justice in this world

And go further in believing that there’s nothing to justify justice

I’m moved when I see how we let people die of hunger

Very surprised to find that the hungry don’t rise up

against those who have too much to eat

Order has been imposed on the world through fear

A social contract ignoring the fact that we’re in a jungle

That, in the jungle, the law of the strongest prevails and the rest must die

But the ruling principles of these societies flirt with anarchy

There again the law of the strongest prevails but on a different level

You have to fight against life, fight against death

Impose yourself, your ideas, desires, needs, laws and rights

But everything in this world is only convention

There are no rights, no freedoms,

no need of anyone else we should gratify

Nothing is good, nothing is evil

It’s up to us to adapt ourselves to life

There are no noble feelings

There’s only hidden self-interest

Even in aiming for heaven and going to paradise

Summary

To Die in Peace

I would so like to die in peace

Far from all thought-systems and any systems at all

Far away from everyone

Sufficient unto myself for my own survival

In conditions I know how to manage

There’s nothing more you can bring me,

I’m full, look, I’m throwing up in your face

There’s nothing I can bring you,

I’ve seen nothing but rejects everywhere

So, if I can’t expect anything from you

and you can’t expect anything from me,

why force all these duties, responsibilities and bureaucracy on me?

I’m not asking to drink the whole sea,

I’m not asking for all these rules and regulations

I’m not even asking for any sort of enjoyment

Even less that my needs are satisfied

I’m asking to be able to stay sitting here on the ground

until death catches up with me

But you never grant me this right

Sad world!

Summary

Dear God, Let Me Be Done With It

I’ve looked at your planet

Your creatures

I can’t identify with them

They’ve rejected me

I’ve admired creation

In every place

I can’t identify with it

I want to stop existing

What a wonderful possibility!

Cancer, pneumonia, some incurable illness

Why haven’t you picked me?

But I was born dead

Oh why?

Why have you let me suffer so much?

Why force me to act?

Why force me to exist?

No goal to aim for

No social success to look for

No love which will make me happy

No personal satisfaction worth the effort

Permanent guilt

Guilt at the heart of me

Guilt I don’t understand

The desire to achieve great things without asking anything in return

So let me die

Summary

Come On, Damn It, I’ve Got a Life to Live

I’m a blob, a big ball of flesh bursting its skin

Like the rest of the world, I’m slowing down

I take ages to finish the smallest task

I sleep more than I live

It takes all the motivation I can muster to get myself out of bed

Going anywhere is quite an adventure, it takes so long to psych myself into

Leaving the building, taking the tube, oh God, it’s so complicated

For a head as befuddled as mine

That needs three cups of coffee to function even minimally

I’m a blob when I should be invigorated

Dash out of this bedroom!

Get out and never come back, enjoy life!

Find all possible motivation!

Be inspired for good to live a full and exciting life!

I need to find some ruling passion soonest!

Need to be strong instead of passive!

Full of energy, functioning, productive!

Come on, damn it, I’ve got a life to live!

Summary

Life

I looked for you on the Californian coast where someone had shown me an extraordinary view

I looked for you in TV studios where all our dreams are built up

I looked for you at a table in Caesar’s Palace between two slot machines

And I looked for you in woods, on mountains where I was strangely bored

I thought I’d find you in the most famous tourist spot in Barcelona, flying over an old theme park now in ruins, that inspired me for a split second

I thought my eyes would be opened in front of the windows in the red light district of Amsterdam, but I was more afraid than anything else

Then I walked through the hotel where they hold the Cannes festival, sat on the rim of a toilet which Harrison Ford had probably used before me but I felt nothing

I opened the proceedings in front of 6000 people, that gave me a buzz for about thirty seconds

I let everything drop, I showed myself out this time, for a change

I wanted to speak to the whole planet but no one wanted to speak to me

Suddenly they changed their minds and now the whole planet wants to speak to me

But I’ve nothing more to say to them and what they say is extraordinarily banal

Sometimes you meet magical people and spend wonderful moments with them

I haven’t met any for the last five years and I despair

No one stands out from the crowd, no one has a vision to fulfil

Their zest for life has thrown them into alcohol and drugs

Making them happy for a split second

And making their existence bearable a little longer

But it’s destroying them and finishing them off today

I’ve lost all hope

Summary

Part 2

Rap/Heavy Metal Songs (more extreme)

We may still save humanity in America

Don’t lie

You have always known it

All we need is not love

All we need is money

Money is everything

It feeds your wonderful children

It saves your marriage

Which was doomed from the start anyway

It is the only thing by which you can valorize yourself

How much are you worth?

Do you deserve to be alive?

Has your life any kind of meaning?

Only through money can we assess your worthiness

To be alive

Money is the only thing that can bring you to freedom

Really help you escape your miserable existence

What we call reality

Money is the dream come true

The only dream you ever had

The only answer to all your hopes

Don’t deny it

Money is everything to you

You can never have too much

You can never feel guilty for rolling all over it

Money is the only way to happiness

Trying to convince anyone of the opposite

Can only come from people

Who have accepted their true lack of potential in getting it

Their unworthiness to being part of this society

That we have painfully built for ourselves

For centuries now

Money is everything

Money is all there is

Money is your only salvation

It changes everything

It saves everything

It is the basis of all your values

Protecting your family

That little nuclear family

So ready to explode

As soon as money runs out

Say it after me

Money is everything!

Money is all I need!

Money is my only escape!

Get it

At any cost, any sacrifice

Life demands it

Your family demands it

Your existence, your values, your worthiness

Depend on it

Do it!

Get it!

More money!

Is all you need!

Focus, concentrate, find a way

Find your true way

To the only meaningful thing there is

Money

For everyone, forever

To feel good about yourself

To create happiness all around

This dream existence you have been told

Was your only way out

The only reason why you ever existed

It all comes down to one thing

Saving the world

Making this world a happier place

Get humanity out of its eternal misery

Only one solution

Only one goal

Your only real true independence

Useless to lie

Even to yourself

Deep down you know

No need to be ashamed of it

Our whole society has been built on that one principle

No matter what you have to do to get it

Or how you will go about it

Just keep in mind one single idea

And you will be saved

There’s nothing else in this world

Against your downfall

Learn to love it

Or else you’ll be a slave

Repeat after me

Money is everything!

Good boy, Good girl

As long as you still believe in money

We may still save humanity

In America

Summary

Awareness in San Francisco

Have I gone everywhere in this world

Enjoy my own little awareness once in a while

Alone yet in another hotel room

Wondering about my own individuality

In a sea of billions

How insignificant I can be

Wondering if I can make any difference

And if it is at all important

If I do or not

Maybe there was never any meaning to it

Just a fact that needs to be accepted

We are six billions

I am one

I am aware that I exist

I have my own individuality

Should enjoy it

Go for a walk

Look at the sea in the Bay

Look at the constructions

The bridge

Another symbol of our so-called greatness

The Valley of Silicon

Of artificial intelligence

Wonder if it has any awareness

Individuality in a world of multiplication

Of the same, over and over again

That one voice

At this point

Cannot make any difference

Indulging

Fighting

Surviving

Still have that chance to see more

Explore more than the next one

Reach San Francisco

See that bridge for myself

And wonder

In my awareness

What it all means

If anything

We’ve built a valley of silicon

Like we grew a valley of wine trees

Can artificial intelligence get drunk?

Can it wonder about its existence?

Can it have awareness?

And would my life be better

Without that awareness?

Mindless existence

I’m in San Francisco

And that’s all there is to it

Just go to the sea

Just look at it

Do not think

It is only painful

There is no answer here

To all these questions

Why torture ourselves

Why invent philosophy?

Can I just live for a change?

Forget my individuality?

My awareness?

This intelligence which serves no real purpose

To my own happiness?

Can I not just enjoy being alive?

Without having to put back everything

In its own context?

Can I not just for once

Be in San Francisco

And not be aware of it?

Of anything?

As a meaningless fact

I’m here now

Let’s just enjoy it?

Without throwing me into thinking mode

Of self doubt

That this world could actually be real

Meaningful

With some sort of great purpose

That we just can’t figure out?

I’m sorry

I cannot accept that it is about love and reproduction

Multiplication of more useless existence

Who will one day end up in Silicon Valley

And wonder

Why it is that they are alive

When they see that bridge

In wonder

To what symbol we were able to construct

To give a reason, a meaning

To something that has none

Awareness is perhaps not that magical

A bit of programming could simulate that

Individuality is perhaps just an illusion

We are all thinking the same

We are all the same

We are one

This feeling of individuality

This feeling of awareness

It’s programmed on that carbon chip

Which is my brain

I guess God never knew about miniaturization

Might have been the lack of competition

The lack of a desire to make tons of money

My brain is about to explode

And I am limited in my understanding

To the program

Cannot go beyond

Cannot understand beyond

I’m in San Francisco

No need to think anymore

Just exist

If I can

Reach that bridge

Be in awe in front of what we were able to build

In terms of symbols

And especially

Stop processing

Avoid the only conclusion which seems right

To terminate the processing process forever

Avoid the urge to jump off that bridge

To the great darkness

I tell you

Really worth being aware

In San Francisco

Summary

My Rough Edges

You had one good look at me

You hated me

Then you had another good look in time

I’m likable

Once you move beyond my rough edges

My God!

You have only scratched the surface

You have no idea, do you?

Of where I am

If only you could hear this

If only I could let you hear this

You might have a better understanding

Of how I really feel

Not about you

But about the world we live in

I am at the point where I am wondering

If existing is worth it

And you’re talking about

Am I likable or not?

Am I capable of emotions and sensitivity or not

Of understanding

No I am not

I have other worries

Other stuff to deal with

I can’t even stop and worry

About the details of what you are worried about

I am beyond all that

My rough edges

Whether I do it on purpose or not

Am I likable or not

I could not care less

When I only feel like taking a gun

And shoot you in the head

I do not want to be with you

I do not want to talk to you

I certainly do not want to spend time

Worrying about what you said

What I said

Feeling guilt

For my rough edges

Looking for a liberation

Of the consequences of my smallest action

My smallest word

Which seems to have quite an impact on you

I thought we were the same

You are obviously dying in superficiality

Believing in your own intelligence

When you cannot even think beyond your new found husband

Destiny

And if you are worth it or not

If you should be on a diet or not

No you’re not worth it

You are a pain

You are capable

But you’re more trouble than it is worth

Go back to where it is that you come from

And die there

I never ask you in my life

I could very well exist without you

You’re not worth the pain

Shut up!

Leave me alone!

Get out of my life!

Or I’ll blow up your brain!

How’s that for my rough edges?

Summary

This is a Declaration of War

(chorus:)

I have not started the war

I never do

But I sure

Will finish it

Until none of us survive

You did that to me

You did not think about the consequences

Is that your best shot?

Because look

I’m still here

You perhaps thought

That there would be no tomorrow

That I would not be back to suffer you everyday

That I was no longer your worry

You were wrong

I am back with a vengeance

I have not started the war

I never do

But I sure

Will finish it

Until none of us survive

There is no forgiveness possible

In that kind of mind game you decided to play

I cannot forget what you just did

I cannot try to like you now, can I?

I can only hate you

And do everything I can

To destroy you

Before you destroy me

Man!

You wanna play that game?

You will find out that it is very destructive indeed

Like in any war

There will be no winner

We will all be dead at the end of it

I have not started the war

I never do

But I sure

Will finish it

Until none of us survive

What choice have you given me?

You did that to me

It was unjustified

They saw through your game

Or you were not convincing enough

You could not find the smoking gun

Because there was none

Don’t worry, I’ll find one

I’ll succeed in destroying you

Because I am not like you

I do not play these mind games

Under any slight trifle

I make my move afterwards

In self defense

When I have the perfect opportunity

No trifles

Just plain hard undeniable facts

About your incompetence

And your mind games

To bury your inadequacy

This is a declaration of war

I declare that I am now going to have one goal only

Your utter destruction

I have not started the war

I never do

But I sure

Will finish it

Until none of us survive

You should have thought about the consequences

The end always justifies the means

It’s personal now

I don’t care to die

Do you?

I have not started the war

I never do

But I sure

Will finish it

Until none of us survive

Summary

You can rape me all you want

You can rape me

Violate me all you want

Shoot me in the head afterwards

I’m so beyond caring

Make me your slave

Ask me to suck your dick

Suck your brain

I’m so beyond caring

Tell me all your bullshit, I can take it

Only need to drink myself to death afterwards

To forget that…

I’m so beyond caring

Walk all over me!

Destroy me!

Kill me!

I’m so beyond caring!

What is worst that you could ask from me?

You will think of something

I’m sure

I’m so beyond caring

One day I’ll put a stop to this

One day I’ll be the one dictating

One day I will kill you where you stand

One day…

I won’t be beyond caring

Summary

The World is filled with Backstabbers

(chorus:)

In this world

This is all there is left to do

Backstab happily my friend!

Before they backstab you to death

It is ridiculous

We’re all walking around

With our little dagger in our right hand

We use it all time

To prove how incompetent everyone else is

To prove how great we are

But I am asking you

How great are we really?

If to prove it we need a dagger in our right hand?

If we need to kill everyone else to reach the top

When there is not even a top to speak of?

The world is filled with backstabbers

Never forget it, never let your guard down

If you do not kill them first

They certainly will

Your first ever vibe about anyone tells it all

You are warned the very first second

And yet you think you might escape it

Somehow

Escape your destiny?

In a world full of backstabbers?

You must be dreaming

Be one of those optimistic persons

They always die first

It’s a law of nature

They are so easy to manipulate

In a world of manipulators

If you are not already calculating your next move

You are doomed

In a world filled with backstabbers

You can only yourself become one

In this world

This is all there is left to do

Backstab happily my friend!

Before they backstab you to death

Summary

They’ve been testing me, like a rat!

They dropped me in that little labyrinth

There was nowhere to go

So I bang my head in every wall

I’ve become famous for it

Then they subjected me to the worse treatments

Just to find out how resistant I was

How much I could endure before cracking

I never did

They were impressed

Now they have added a new level

For me to run everywhere into

Somehow along the way

I’ve become aware

That I was just a rat

That I was just being tested

So I decided to stop playing the game

I did not care to bang myself in the walls anymore

I did not care for the second level

Their new testing ground

Soon I will be declared a great disappointment

A rat without any cleverness

Looking at the sky

Hoping for some salvation

Not playing the game anymore

Not eating or drinking anymore

Letting myself die in my corner

I will be judged a failure

When in fact

I saw through it all

And it depressed me so much

That I’d rather let myself die

Than play their game

From my point of view

This is my only success

Summary

You’re not so cool after all

I used to think you were so cool

Being in Los Angeles

Enjoying success and all

And I was nothing

How could I be as cool as you?

Living a miserable existence

Rejected by everyone

You were everything I wanted to be

I wanted to be just like you

As cool as you

I was envious

Jealous

Was I supposed to be born cool?

As it looked so natural on you

But then I started to study you a bit better

I got to know you better

I started to see the cracks

Beyond that cool exterior

There is such a small human being inside

Ten times more worried and frightened than I am

Paranoid, lost, in search for love and acceptation

Not cool at all!

Were you not supposed to be a god?

Stronger than I could ever be?

Not worried about anything

As if everything came to you naturally

Not caring about anything

Especially not small people like me?

What a discovery

I am stronger than you will ever be

Your cool exterior was hiding

Your nothingness

Your tons of psychological problems

You are so small!

You are nothing!

I don’t care anymore for cool people

If anything

I am cooler than any of the cool people

Because I am real, not fake

I don’t care for what people think of me

I’m just trying to survive, all right?

I am myself

And that makes me cooler

Than you

You’re not so cool after all

So just get lost!

Summary

What’s Your First Name Again?

Wasn’t it you who looked disdainfully at me that day because I was only a street ruffian?

Wasn’t it you who pushed me out of the way with your foot when I was lying crushed and dead on the pavement?

Wasn’t it you who danced in all your pride and self-confidence with such petty vainglory that today it makes me laugh?

I remember, it was you who imposed your world-view on me

Your closed and ready-made interpretation of the universe

With its strictly limited horizons and several long, punishing steps to climb in order to get anywhere at all

How wonderful it seemed to me then that you should make me your mirror

I hadn’t realised the terrible potential that was slumbering in me

The infinite energy that was going to inspire the masses

The army that would follow me to trample on you at my rallying cry

But I’m not content with that, it’s not enough

Because I’m not like you, I’ve no need of that

Which you wanted so much, which you thought you had and never will have

I’ve been through the hell you described to me as paradise

And I’m the only one to realise that something other than that life exists

What was your first name again?

Summary

A Gun at Your Head

A gun at your head

To make you understand

The eternal void

The insignificance of our destiny

Now I see there’s nothing beyond the horizon

Nothing to expect from nothing

The irony of our existence

I’ll throw

A bomb under your seat

To make you understand

The darkness of our logic

The violence in everything

Now I see there’s no hope beyond the horizon

Nothing to hope for from anyone

The hell of our consciousness

I’ll start

A world war on your head

To make you understand

The evil in this world

The uselessness of the planet

I see now that there’s nothing to see beyond the horizon

Nothing to expect from space

The illusion of science

I’ll explode

Summary

Have you lost Faith in Destiny?

Sometimes the most fervent believer doubts his own beliefs

Sometimes the most certain person in the world is suddenly unsure

Sometimes the most optimistic people become the most pessimistic

There is no reason to doubt

Haven’t God always been there?

The one up there who will suddenly open the gate

Of money, successful jobs and eternal love?

No reason to live in the dark

No possible way that once again everything will not happen as it should be

To maximize life and rewards and perfection

Oh why the doubts then?

Why allow these questions, uncertainties and despair?

Should everything not happen before these creep up?

Does God always need to test its subjects, its creatures, its bugs?

Has he not got better things to do?

Or is it just a program fulfilling its purpose?

Or perhaps it takes time for a perfect timeline to get all the elements working together?

I don’t have the time for that

Everything needs to fall into place instantly

My future needs to be drawn on the spot without the wait and despair

I need to take on the world right now!

I need to face the ugly face of humanity while it is still hot!

I want to take over the world in my march towards freedom!

God! You are listening right now, aren’t you?

What the heck are you waiting for?

Things need to happen fast

Or else I’m gonna start killing people

There are about 30 desperate persons living in my block

Awaiting their death for being as lost as I am

Doing nothing more productive for society than I am

What the heck are you doing?

Are they supposed to wait there until you find something for them to do?

Am I supposed to rot here until you find me something to do?

Or should I provoke the circumstances

Create my own destiny out of nothing?

I will take over the world by storm

My destiny awaits me

I guess nothing falls from the sky

I’ve got to make it happen

I am preparing my own revolution

And it is going to hurt

I have not lost faith in destiny!

Summary

Drowning in my sorrows

Oh dear I went back to where I came from

I had these memories of where I had been

I could no longer live in my memories

Drowning in my whisky every night

Drowning in my sorrows

I had to touch again what it is that I had experienced

For the one moment that I felt I was alive

In London close to Paddington where I used to live and hope

For a better future without realizing that this was it

Nothing better would ever come

Me dying on these garbage bags on Harrow Road

Writing some useless ideas that will never see the light of day

Oh god I was happy then!

It took me to go back home to understand

A lost song to bring me back there

And I left once again my loved ones

I left everything behind again

To go and live this desperate life

There is no cure to my misery

It is made of romantic and horrible feelings

The memory that keeps me going

Kensal Green Cemetery

Maida Vale and Westbourne Park

This is not me, but it was for just a moment

A glimpse into what we are missing

Something unreachable that I have reached

And now I cannot live without it

Please drive me there

Let me die there

In this memory of a perfect moment of desperation

That meant everything

Summary

Oh please let me be happy again!

I am not sure what makes me happy

I have been the happiest at the bottom of my misery

Though I do not wish to reach the bottom again

But I wish happiness all the same

Oh please let me be happy again!

Whether it would be in the Midi of France, lost

Nowhere to go and nothing to think about

No responsibilities or obligations

Just the where I am now and what to do to think about

Oh please let me be happy again!

I could do with erasing my identity and my debts

I could do with starting from zero once again

I could wish for no possession of any kind

Nothing to my name and no food

Oh please let me be happy again!

When I have nothing and no one to love!

When I am all alone and lost somewhere I know nothing about!

When I am naked to the bone with no past history

I just want to remain innocent

Oh please let me be happy again!

Let me walk on these walls by the mountain

Let me forget that I have ever existed

Let me hope that I never need to think again

I want to be a blank storage device looking at the sky

Oh please let me be happy again!

Nothing to achieve

No dream to pursue

No meaning to life to understand

No one to poison my existence

I want to die here alone…

And then I will be happy!

Summary

I never felt so powerful!

When suddenly I have proven you wrong

When suddenly I realized I knew more than you will ever do

I may be young but old age does not bring this wisdom as it was always thought

On the contrary, you will quickly bring this world to an end

And you dare calling yourself wise

Telling me I have no culture

Telling me I am worth nothing

Telling me I know nothing about this world

I guess you were talking about yourself

Because I don’t feel so powerless

I don’t feel that I don’t know anything

I would feel great anyway for not knowing anything about you and your culture

I don’t care about all that you have learned in your long years on this planet

I wish I never got around learning even the basics of it

I only know because you obliged me without ever asking me

I was too young and too stupid then to tell you that it was all meaningless

You can die happy to know something

It will always be nothing anyway

Because you failed to understand what was truly important

That all that is hollow

I pity you… more than you pity me for my ignorance

I pity you… for your ignorance

Summary

Everyone needs to start somewhere

This is where I started

Mopping the floor

Packing the groceries for you madam

Delivering things to the world

Making club sandwiches and pizzas for the planet

Out of desperation come great things

Out of misery come revolutionary philosophies

Out of hell come big new political systems

Give me a break

I am sick

Great things are never great for too long

Revolutionary philosophies have always been questioned

New political systems always fail the people

Everyone needs to start somewhere

Unfortunately

Everyone needs to end somewhere

This is where I ended

Mopping the floor

Packing the groceries

Delivering things

Making club sandwiches and pizzas

Just how it should be…

Summary

History has got nothing to do with you

Were you there when the first man landed on the Moon?

Yes, I know, you were alive

But have you done anything to make it happen?

No.

Were you there when the chart of rights and liberties was added to the Constitution?

Yes, I know, you feel it to this day and you are proud of it

But have you done anything to make sure it would be respected?

No.

Were you there when the first atomic bomb exploded?

Yes, I know, you enjoyed it and freaked out all at the same time

But have you done anything to stop it from happening again?

No.

Were you there when the world was created?

Yes, I know, you live by the rules of God

But have you done anything to preserve this creation?

No.

Were you there when Hitler was killed?

Yes, I know, you feel like you have won the war

But what the hell have you got to do with the war?

Nothing.

Are you at all alive?

Have you at all changed the life of more than a few people?

Why do you exist?

You have nothing to do with history!

Why don’t you just die?

No one will miss you as you do not make any difference

Your useless routine

Your poor judgment

Your insignificant existence

I’m so sorry for you

You are so small

You have never created anything

You will never change anything on a massive scale

Or even on a small scale

I really don’t understand why we allow you to live

You are useless

At best you’re an annoyance

A parasite

Just like the rest of the world

Summary

Guilty!

Am I guilty?

Of wondering what you would look like with a knife in your back?

Of imagining your bloody face on your computer desk?

Of secretly dreaming of decapitating you on my way to work?

Of thinking about blowing up this place?

Am I guilty?

I would like to be racist for once and piss on you

I hope I could still be respected after that

I wish I could be all alone on this planet

I want to eradicate the human race

Am I guilty?

I am giving you all the ammunition you will ever need

Here is the proof that I am a mental case

You have all you need to put me in prison

Or do you?

Am I guilty?

Do what you want

Believe what you say

You might think I can no longer go into politics now

But you would be wrong

Are they guilty?

Easy to dig some dirt

Does it matter what I am saying here?

Let’s see how far I can go despite my words

People forget, people don’t care

Who’s guilty?

If you’d finally understand that they are worse than I am

Because they don’t only think about it, they act upon it

If I was allowed to try and if I’d care

I would be a very successful President

Summary

Dear God

What am I doing here?

Oh God, I don’t know

I must be lost

God help me!

This is sin city

This is too much

For my poor soul

I’m trying

I’m trying very hard

To remain pure and simple

I must be the most complicated

Human being on the planet

I must be the most impure

Human being on the planet

I am awaiting salvation

Here is my confession

I have lied

I have stolen

I have done much worse

Believe me

Is there no salvation for me?

I’m condemned

To walk around for eternity

Looking for my way out

Nowhere to be found

Repeating the same things

Over and over again

I’m the ghost of destiny

God, please help me

To get out of this nightmare

I never wanted it

I never thought this is where I would be

I was not thinking

I drank myself to death every night

Just to forget

Just to forget to sin

I guess in the end

It is just not possible

To not sin

I guess in the end

It is just not possible

To be as perfect as you are

I guess in the end

It is just not possible

To be God

Summary

Child Suicide

If I had brought into this world

A child as depressed as I am

I would be depressed now

Why would I want to bring into this world

A child?

What is there for him or for her to be happy about?

Thirty years of studying a very specific and boring subject?

Being bullied by other students and teachers alike?

A high paying job in the corporate world?

Being bullied by colleagues and bosses alike?

If that child did not commit suicide after that

I’d be lucky

What hope could I give him or her?

In a better world where happiness exists?

When I know damn well that it is not possible?

That everyone they will ever meet

Will just cause them problem after problem

And sap any kind of energy they might have?

Backstabbing is all there is down here

What has this world got to offer to anyone?

Let alone a new child born with hopes and dreams?

Nothing, you can only drive them all to suicide

It is a very sad story

Just as well

That I am the end of the family line

Summary

Study your symbolism, for god’s sake!

When I say that I want to shoot you in the head

What I really mean

Is that I don’t like what you are doing

When I say that we need to blow up this planet

What I really mean

Is that really we should try a little bit harder to be nice to people

When I say that this country is going to hell and everyone should die

What I really mean

Is that frankly, I need a little bit more money to finish the month

When I am saying that you should go back into the anus of your mom

What I really mean

Is that you could smile at me once in a while

When I say die bitch!

What I really mean

Is, oh for God’s sake, I do mean it, die bitch!

No seriously, I mean, go see a psychologist dear, it might help us all

When I say I had enough and I will commit suicide

What I really mean

Is let’s have sex pumpkin, it has been a week, you know?

When I say that no one deserves to live

What I really mean

Is that, well, I’m not sure what that one really means

Perhaps I really mean it after all

Summary

Desperate for a gun in America

That’s right

I so think that the solution to

All humanity’s problems

Hang with me owning a gun

Believe me!

I need a gun!

Help me get one!

Now!

I could achieve great things in America with a gun

I could finally get that world to work

To think!

I’m sure of it

This is the only language anyone can understand

That is the only language I can understand

Give me a gun!

A big one

I’ll change the world

I’ll make it a success

I’ll make you all the profit you’ll ever need

Holding the planet at ransom

That’s my destiny

That’s what I was born for

I’ll crush them

I’ll crucify them all

To our own advantage

I’ll make them understand the urgency at hand

Got to meet my deadline

Got to make a few millions here

Got to turn you into Jesus-Christ himself

You’ve got it all wrong!

Forget these damned management consultants

I don’t need more processes

I don’t need a new job description

I don’t need a new Manager

And more stuff to do with no time for it

I need a gun!

That’s all I need!

I’ll make your dream come true

I’ll put them all in line

I’ll collect the money

We’ll make it!

I assure you

You’ll be rich

Beyond your wildest dreams

Forget all your bollocks

If you want real and tangible results

Stop spending millions on management consultants

Just give me a gun…

Summary

Let me buy you out just to shut you up

That’s it

I’m annoyed now

I’m no longer amused

We’re in America here

I’ve got a few billions behind me

You better shut up

Or

I might just buy you out

And shut your big mouth out

For good

What the fuck are you talking about?

We’re purer than pure

We define what’s pure here, you see

We define what should be done

Where the money should go

What the government should do

We dictate around here

I’m sorry you didn’t know

You’re about to find out

I’m not sorry to say

I have unlimited powers

I have infinite budgets

Just to shut you up

You’ll never know what hit you

I can tell you that for free

But since you do not listen

You’re about to find out

How much this will cost you

I don’t need to ask permission

I don’t need to consider your future

You’re dead and that’s it

With any luck

I might not even need

To get my big guns out

You’ll die peacefully

Just as expected

You’re such a wimp

You’ll crawl out at the first alarm bell

This is how we do business in America

Shut up now

Or

One way or another

I can assure you

You’re dead

Summary

The Mormon’s Disney Land in Utah

Too late, I’m a Mormon now!

Just as planned

I went to Salt Lake City

Visited the Temple

The Disney World they built

To convince me

That Jesus-Christ was the way forward

Didn’t have to read the Mormon’s Book

Didn’t have to hear their philosophy

Didn’t have to hear the truth

I just had to be guided around

By the most beautiful and pure

Utah girl there is

Sitting down by the Tabernacle

With her Mormon’s blond hair

Want a trip

To this 1.5 billion dollars Mormon’s shopping mall darlin’?

I’ve seen the weirdest dresses there

My God, must belong to Jesus’ mother herself

You would look so pure in this

I tell ya!

Oh dear, oh dear

It was just too much for my poor mind

I fell in love instantly

Ready to sell my soul to whomever

To get her forever and ever

Never mind that divorce is not an option

That cancelling a marriage is an alien concept

I want as many babies to pop out

Of between her two legs

As possible

I’m sold

I’m the biggest Mormon you have ever seen

Where do I pay my tithing or tilting or whatever?

40% of my salary (10% before tax)

And all you needed to convince me

Was that angel

Of a Utah girl

That you have walking us around

Your Mormon’s Disney Land

Summary

Notice of Resignation, The Perfect Sample Letter

Please accept this letter as my notice of resignation, effective today

Finally! I got the courage to tell you to get lost!

This wasn't an easy decision

You bet! The easiest I have ever made

Because I am grateful for the rewarding employment I've had with your company

Ah! One more week, I would have been dead, or I would have killed everyone

But after long hours of consideration

Well, one long second in fact

I have made my decision and it is now final

Don’t you think to do me a counter offer,

you would need to sack the whole office before I even reconsider my decision

I will shortly after return to London

You can keep your Los Angeles all to yourself, I don’t want it

It's been a great pleasure working with you

A fucking nightmare that was

I wish you continued success

Well in fact, I could not care less

Please feel free to call on me if I can help to ensure a smooth transition

Don’t call us, we won’t call you

Sincerely

Go fuck yourself!

Summary

Propaganda

I live in the most beautiful country in the world

The Prime Minister is the most intelligent being on the planet

He’s challenged everything

I now have enough to eat

The economy’s rolling in money

My job pays a fortune compared to what I’d earn elsewhere

It’s elsewhere that people are dying of hunger

While I live in the richest country of all

It’s crazy, money falls from the sky

But the district I work in is dedicated to finance

What does this mean?

It means everything because I have enough to eat

Life is wonderful!

I weep with joy!

Look at me, happiness is written on my face

We live on the most beautiful planet in the universe!

Tie me up, I can’t carry on any more

Joy and happiness are choking me

Everything’s so perfect that it screeches like the tyres of my new car

Aaaaahh!  At last God has heard our prayers

Such a beautiful country!

Such a rich culture!

Such a wonderful system!

It’s too much.  Kill me, someone

I want to let everything go

I want someone to launch me into space

I want to escape way beyond our solar system

With a gun in my hand tonight and tomorrow be no more

Summary

Frontline Terrorism

I’ve got no pity at all for the old granny believing in her God

No pity at all for the bloke in his suit and tie dying in conformity

No pity at all for that woman fighting for recognition

No pity at all for that child who’ll become a monster in our image

I’ve got no pity at all for anyone

Why should I take pity on you?

Why do you deserve to live?

Why is your daughter’s life worth more than the lives of 7 billion other parasites on this planet?

Do you think I give a toss about your dog, your cat or your goldfish?

All you’ve ever done all my life is to make me sick

Oh, you were capable of finer feelings

Of loving your neighbour

But it’s a bit late to prove it

If you haven’t already done it, you never will

You’re incapable of understanding, of good deeds or of love

I won’t be a hypocrite, won’t hide away to say what I think

When the bomb went off, I was on the front line

When the time came, I was the one who lit the fuse

You never wept for my dead, I won’t weep for yours

You are the catalyst of this terrorism

Summary

A Serious Problem with Authority

Ever since I was born you’ve told me what I should do with myself

I’ve never been free to take the slightest little decision

And if I once stood up to tell you I wouldn’t do something

Once just walked away to do something else

That something else soon became your Plan B

I went on doing whatever you wanted me to do

And you wonder why I hate authority

Why I don’t take kindly to criticism

Why I can’t stand people telling me what to do

It’s because you’ve planted these powerful authority figures everywhere

At every level of my existence

Some sort of authority is fencing me in

Checking up on me, spying on what I do

And if I object, however feebly, an army descends on me

An army of parents, teachers, supervisors, directors, priests

Psychologists, policemen, soldiers, agents of all sorts of outfits

What counts is order, conformity’s the thing, total peace without compromise

Well, I’m telling you I’m not the one who has a problem with authority

Too many people have too much authority over everyone else in the world

Don’t be surprised when everything blows up in your face

When someone suddenly pulls a gun and fires it among you at random

You were asking for it and you’ll find it yet

Summary

I’m Going to Find Myself a Whore

Beautiful slave of this world

Preferably blonde

Not too old

Between twelve and fifteen

A virgin if possible

Wearing high heels

Already in a mess

And dependent on hard drugs

Don’t you dream too?

Have an extraordinary longing to get out of your rut?

A destiny to fulfil?

A desire to change the world?

Well then you’ve found me

I’m your whore

Beautiful slave of this world

Still a virgin

I’m a surprise

A romantic dinner before screwing

Candles burning all night long

Fireworks blowing up in your face

I’m going to find myself a whore

She’ll be dark

She’ll be old

She’ll be dirty

You’ve found me

I’m your whore

Beautiful slave of this world

In a firework display blowing up in your face

Summary

I’m Your Inflatable Virgin Mary

Blasphemy!

Screw me!

I give myself to you entirely

Isn’t that what you wanted?

Screw me!

Blasphemy!

I’ll give birth to Christ the all-powerful

That shit will emerge from my guts

To destroy everything it meets on its way

Cause wars in the world

Blasphemy!

That’ll be the fruit of this bottomless hole, endless suffocation

Dead men on top of me, blood all over the universe

Screw me!

So that Christ in his turn can screw

The whole world

Bogged down in this muddy marsh

This thick fog

Blasphemy!

The ways of God are impenetrable

Screw me!

The new improved Virgin Mary

Who spawns hell on Earth

For thousands of years

Until there’s a perfect being

A Super Being

Christ decomposed to humanity’s tune

We’ve achieved the new age

Of a frustrated virgin

Who gave birth to the end of the world

The ways of God are impenetrable

Blasphemy!

Summary

I Know the Name of God

I know the name of God

It’s a good bottle of brandy

That I drink at night in small mouthfuls

Before I come to understand his infinite wisdom

I know the name of God

It’s a good bottle of whisky

That I drink at night in large mouthfuls

Before I come to understand his infinite strength

I know the name of God

It’s a good bottle of Scotch

That I drink at night in large glasses

Before I come to understand his infinite ability

I know the name of God

It’s an endless series of cans of beer

That I drink at night till I can drink no more

Before I come to understand the incomprehensible

Summary

Alien Nation

We’ll all be dead within a few years

It was written in the sky

Every single lunatic predicted it

We will destroy ourselves

How can it be any other way?

We’ve been working at it for years

Everything we do and say

Alienate the whole world

We have forgotten all about diplomacy

For one good reason

Diplomacy never worked

And diplomacy will never work

So what about the sound of my canons?

Or I could just drop a few missiles

And get a few tanks on their way

A nice nuclear bomb with that?

You thought alienation was a problem

We alienate them, they go to war

They alienate us, we go to war

It’s a vicious circle

We alienate them

They freak out

They don’t respond to diplomacy

We eradicate them

So they armed themselves, they become terrorists

They kill us, we are even more alienated

So we go there and finish the job

We might as well finish it for real

Life can be so simple sometimes

We just cannot make the right and final decision

That is required to stop the alienation

Just destroy the whole damn humanity!

So we can finally live in peace

Summary

I Could Pretend To Be The Devil

I could pretend I’m a young lad

Still virginal in every sense of the word

Who has never made love and is desperate

Who cries every night in his room

I could pretend I’m an anarchist

At the head of an organisation about to murder a whole lot of people

Because I’ve never lived and I’m desperate

Plotting alone every night in my basement

I could pretend to be a maniac

Who has raped more than one madwoman

Made love with the entire planet

And could meet you any night in a dark alley

I could pretend to be a madman

Who has killed several important people

Who kills every night, even in his sleep

And every night targets his next victim

I could pretend to be God the Father, creator of heaven and earth

Who plays games with other people’s fate

Letting them be born, controlling them, killing them as he sees fit

And every seven days creating another hell on earth

But as long as I’m only pretending

Can you arrest me?  Imprison me?  Banish me?  Execute me?

You have no proof because there is no proof

I’m just like the boy next door

But with an unbounded imagination

And for you, that’s disturbing

Summary