Speedy, Meri & Me Martha Rose Crow

 

ACT 15: THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

 

TWO-SHOT OF DIVA AND MERI STANDING AT A DOOR OF A BOAT. A TALL, GOOD-LOOKING GUY WITH

LONG HAIR ANSWERS THE DOO R.

 

DIVA(narrating) Meri and Me went to see my friend Angelo. His computer has internet, so he let Meri and Me learn look up

Renaissance clothes.

 

TWO-SHOT OF DIVA AND MERI LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN.

 

MERI(looking at late Renaissance dresses) What do you think of these, Diva?

 

DIVA(Disapproving) Too heavy. Look at all the underskirts. I wonder how women got through the summer wearing heavy

dresses like that. (Points to a high, starched lace collar). Something like that would choke the shit out of you. I wonder ho w

women could wear something like that.

 

THREE-SHOT OF MERI, ME AND ANGELO LOOKING INTO THE COMPUTER SCREEN.

 

MERI(pointing to a new screen with a picture of a man with a high, starched lace men's collar) Men wore them, too.

 

ANGELO PUTS HIS HAND AROUND HIS NECK.

 

DIVAWe need something a little more earlier. We need to find Romeo and Juliet type clothing.

 

ANGEThe buildings in Amsterdam aren't that old. Mostly Late Renaissance and later.

 

DIVAI'm not going to wear something I can't move in. Most Europeans don't know their Western European history so most

tourists aren't going to know it, either. Few people know what people wore hundreds of years ago. (Moves mouse and types

some words in).

 

CLOSEUP SCREEN OF EARLIER RENAISSANCE CLOTHES.

 

DIVAHere we are! Look, there's a jester outfit that would look great on Meri. Speedy could wear this one (points at a 'Romeo'

type outfit) and I could wear this one (points to a dress with a twin-pointed hat draped with a sheer scarf. (Looks at Angelo) Can

we make print some of this? (Angelo nods yes)

 

TWO-SHOT OF DIVA AND MERI STANDING AT A DOOR OF A HOUSE. A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ABOUT 39

YEARS OLD ANSWERS THE DOOR. SHE IS SMALL AND HAS BLONDE HAIR. SHE HAS CELTIC TATOOS ON

HER ARMS. MERI AND ME WALKS IN.

 

DIVA(narrating) My friend Karin likes to make her own clothes when she has the time. I asked her to help us make our

costumes.

 

THREE-SHOT OF KARIN, MERI AND ME IN KARIN'S SEWING ROOM. DIVA DIGS OUT THE PRINTOUTS AND

SHOWS THEM TO KARIN.

 

DIVA(narrating) After we showed Karin the pictures we took off Angelo's computer, she told us

 

KARN I have some patterns for clothes just like this.

 

ONE-SHOT OF KARIN DIGGING IN A DRAWER AND PRODUCING PATTERNS.

 

DIVA Cool!

 

KARIN MEASURES DIVA AND MERI WATCHES.

 

DIVA (narrating) Karin showed us how and what to measure on Speedy,

 

TWO-SHOT OF DIVA MEASURING SPEEDY. HE'S NOT HAPPY, BUT IS GOING ALONG.

 

DIVA (narrating) Sniper

 

TWO-SHOT OF MERI MEASURING SNIPER. HE STANDS QUIET AND PROUD WHILE SHE MEASURES.

 

DIVA (narrating) and Nakota

 

THREE-SHOT OF MERI AND ME MEASURING NAKOTA. NAKOTA IS BORED AND UNCOMFORTABLE.

 

DIVA (narrating) Then the real work began.

THREE-SHOT OF KARIN, MERI AND ME MEASURING EACH OTHER, PLUS UNHAPPY, UNCOMFORTABLE

SPEEDY, SNIPER AND NAKOTA. SHOTS OF KARIN, MERI AND ME CUTTING CLOTH, MEASURING, PINNIN G

PIECES OF CLOTH TO A MANNEQUIN, AND DIVA SEWING UNTIL SHE REALIZES THAT SHE HAS SEWN

PART OF HER SHIRT INTO THE COSTUME.

 

DIVA (narrating) We worked for three days, but we got the costumes finished.

 

GROUP SHOT OF EVERYONE WITH THEIR COSTUMES ON. THE MALES LOOK VERY UNHAPPY, ESPECIALLY

SPEEDY AS HE KEEPS FEELING THE COLORFUL NUT CUP ON THE FRONT OF HIS TIGHTS.

 

DIVA (narrating) Then it was time to practice.

 

THREE-SHOT OF SPEEDY, SNIPER AND MERI PRACTICING SPITTING FIRE ON THE ISLAND IN ALKMAAR.

 

DIVA(narrating) Speedy and Sniper hadn't spit fire for many years, but they remembered how right away

 

TWO-SHOT OF SPEEDY AND SNIPER SPITTING FIRE.

 

DIVA (narrating) They showed Meri how to make little fireballs.

 

ONE-SHOT OF MERI SPITTING FIRE. SHE TURNS AROUND AND SAYS TO DIVA . . .

 

MERI (smiling) I feel like Xena, Warrior Princess!

 

FIVE-SHOT OF SNIPER, NAKOTA, SPEEDY, MERI AND ME IN SPEEDY'S LIVING ROOM. DIVA HAS A DECK OF

CARDS IN HER HANDS AND SHE HAS SNIPER PICK ONE. SHE PUTS IT BACK IN THE DECK AND SHUFFLES

THE CARDS. SHE PULLS ONE OUT AND SHOWS IT TO SNIPER. HE NODS HIS HEAD 'NO'.

 

DIVA (laughing as she narrates) And I practiced my magick tricks.

 

TWO-SHOT OF DIVA AND NAKOTA. DIVA PULLS A COIN OUT OF NAKOTA'S EAR.

 

DIVA (narrating) At least I knew how to do one trick right.

 

TWO-SHOT OF NAKOTA AND DIVA SMILING.

DIVA (narrating) We picked Thursday for our big debut, but it rained.

 

FIVE-SHOT OF EVERYONE LOOKING OUT SPEEDY'S BIG DUTCH WINDOW AND WATCHING THE RAIN

POUR DOWN.

 

DIVA (narrating) But there was nice weather on Friday, so we got ready to go to Amsterdam and seek our fortune as street

performers. Because it was hot and because we didn't want to hassle with trying to find a bathroom to get dressed in, we decided

to wear our costumes from the house.

 

FIXED SHOT AS EVERYONE LEAVES OUT OF SPEEDY'S FRONT DOOR. SONG 'COME ALONG WITH ME' BY

TITIYO PLAYS. SPEEDY, SNIPER AND MERI A RE CARRYING A BAG. DIVA IS HOLDING NAKOTA'S HAND.

SPEEDY AND NAKOTA DON'T LOOK VERY HAPPY.

 

AS THEY WALK TO THE TRAIN STATION, PEOPLE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD STOP TO LOOK AT THEM. THEY

STOP TO BUY TRAIN TICKETS AND EVERYONE AT THE STATION LOOKS AT THEM. JUST AS THEY WALK TO

THE OTHER PART OF THE STATION TO GET THEIR TRAIN, HASHOE DRIVES BY ON HIS MOPED. HE BEGINS

TO LAUGH AND STOPS.

 

HASH (to Speedy) Starring in a new play called Speedy-O and Diva-ette?

 

SPDYWe're going to Amsterdam to spit fi re. I need to make some money fast or I wouldn't do this.

 

HASH You look good in tights.

 

SPDYThey don't feel as good as they look (he reaches back and pulls the tights out of his ass).

 

HASH (looking at loin covering and laughing) I like your new pants. How do you pee?

 

SPDY Quit laughing. It's not funny.

 

HASHI wish one of the boys was here. They're not going to believe me when I tell them. (Twinkle in eyes) Where did you say

you were going to spit fire.

 

SPDY You don't need to know.

 

HASHI've got to tell the boys. (Laughing-Speedy is feeling very uncomfortable). We'll be there. Expect us.

 

HASHOE TAKES OFF ON HIS MOPED, LAUGHING TO HIMSELF.

THREE-SHOT OF SPEEDY, DIVA AND SNIPER.

 

SPDY(to Diva) This had better work! The Boys are never going to let me live this one down.

 

DIVAWe've got to try this. The money for your taxes is due in a few days. Do you have any better ideas? (Speedy shakes his

head)

 

SNIP(putting hand on Speedy's arm) It's all good, Speedy. Diva is right.

(Looks at Speedy and then looks down to inspect himself) We should have dressed up like this in our glory days. We would

have made more money. (Chuckles) This is kind of fun. Kind of gives me a fantasy and it will give the tourists one.

 

SPDY(looking around) Let's hurry up and catch the train before anyone else I know sees us.

 

GROUP SHOT OF EVERYONE WALKING INTO THE TRAIN TERMINAL.

 

GROUP SHOT OF EVERYONE GETTING ON TRAIN. ITS PACKED, SO EVERYONE TRI ES TO SIT AS CLOSE AS

THEY CAN TO EACH OTHER IN THE SMOKING CAR. THE OTHER PASSENGERS STARE, THEN SMILE AT THE

FIVE. MERI TRIES TO ROLL A JOINT, BUT THE JINGLE BELLS OF HER JESTER HAT WON'T STOP RINGING.

NAKOTA AND SPEEDY LOOK OUT THE WINDOW TO AVOID PEOPLE'S STARES AND SMILES.

 

MERI (taking hit off joint and passing it to Diva) Are you ready?

 

DIVA Sure, why not? All we can do is try. Are you ready?

 

MERI(smiling) I'm going to have fun. No matter what, I'm going to have fun (Sniper smiles, Speedy and Nakota keep looking

out the window).

 

GROUP SHOT AS FIVE COME OUT OF CENTRAAL STATION IN AMSTERDAM. AS THEY WALK TO GET THEIR

TRAM, EVERYONE STOPS TO LOOK AT THEM. THEY GET ON CROWDED TRAM AND EVERYONE ON TRAM

LOOKS AT THEM. ITS HOT ON THE TRAM AND THEY ARE SWEATING. SPEEDY PULLS HIS TIGHTS OUT OF

HIS ASS. AN OLD LADY SEES HIM DO IT AND HE JUST SHRUGS.

 

FIVE-SHOT AS GROUP GETS OUT OF TRAM.

 

MERI(to Diva) Be sure to pick your skirt up so you don't get dog shit on them.

 

DIVA(sees dog shitting on brick street) That's a good idea. (She picks her skirt up as she walks toward Leidse Plein).

 

GROUP SHOT OF COMPANY ENTERING LEIDSE PLEIN. ITS EMPTY OF STREET PERFORMERS EXCEPT FOR A

OLDER HIPPIE MAN PLAYING CLASSICAL GUITAR ON THE CORNER. ONE-SHOT OF HIM LOOKING AND

STUDYING THE GROUP. HE PUTS HIS GUITAR AWAY AND WATCHES.

 

GROUP SHOT OF COMPANY AS THEY SET UP. NAKOTA, MERI AND ME PUSH THE CROWD BACK AS THEY

GET READY TO PERFORM.

 

TWO-SHOT OF DIVA AND MERI.

GR OUP-SHOT OF EVERYONE TOGETHER WITH DIVA AT THE FRONT, MERI ON HER RIGHT SIDE, NAKOTA

TO HER LEFT..

ONE-SHOT OF DIVA

 

DIVAGreetings to one and all. You are about to see some of the greatest fire spitters Europe has ever known. (Signals to some

tourists to her left to move back). Please! Everyone make room! They are going to spit real fire and for everyone's safety,

including theirs, stand back! (Crowd stands a little further back).

 

DIVA (whispering to Meri) Are you ready? (Meri nods 'yes')

 

DIVA(to th e crowd) To warm everyone up, Meri will perform first.

 

ONE-SHOTS OF MERI.

MERI BEGINS TO TUMBLE. SHE PICKS UP FOUR RED BALLS AND STARTS TO JUGGLE THEM. SHE PICKS

UP ANOTHER BALL AND JUGGLES IT. SHE JUGGLES SEVEN BALLS IN ALL. JUST AS EVERYONE STARTS TO

CLAP, SHE THROWS DIVA HER JINGLE-BELL JESTER HAT, RUNS FAST BEFORE SHE DOES SEVERAL

CARTWHEELS. THEN SHE JUMPS BACKWARDS SEVERAL TIMES. SHE WALKS ON HER HEAD. FOR HER

GRAND FINALE, SHE DRINKS A CUP OF LAMP OIL AND SPITS LITTLE FIREBALLS. THE CROWD APPLAUD

AND YELL. MERI BOWS AS IF SHE WON A GYMN AST COMPETITION. AFTERWARDS, SHE GLOWS AS DIVA

HANDS HER A TOWEL TO DRY HER FACE WITH.

 

TWO-SHOT OF SPEEDY AND SNIPER TAKING POSITIONS.

THREE-SHOT OF DIVA, MERI AND NAKOTA PUSH THE CROWD FARTHER OUT.

ONE-SHOT OF THE GUY WITH GUITAR LEAVING.

ONE-SHOT OF DIVA ANNOUNCING.

 

DIVA Now, it is time for the major event.

 

ONE-SHOT OF SPEEDY SPITTING FIRE, FOLLOWED BY ONE-SHOT OF SNIPER SPITTING FIRE. THEY TURN

TOWARDS EACH OTHER AND SPIT A GIANT F IREBALL. AFTERWARDS, THEY SPIT A GIANT SMOKE RING

TOGETHER. THE CROWD MAKES A LOUD 'AH' SOUND. SNIPER STANDS ON HIS HEAD AND SPITS FIRE.

THE CROWD APPLAUDS LOUDLY. SNIPER AND SPEEDY HAVE A 'CONTEST'. EACH TRIES TO SPIT FIRE

BIGGER AND BETTER THAN THE OTHER. IT ENDS WITH SPEEDY WINNING AND THEN BOTH SPIT THE

BIGGEST FIREBALL OF ALL TOGETHER.

 

TWO-SHOT OF SPEEDY AND SNIPER BOWING TO APPLAUSE OF THE CROWD.

 

INDIVIDUAL SHOTS OF NAKOTA, MERI AND ME PASSING BASKETS THROUGH THE CROWD FOR MONEY.

ALL OF THEM ARE FULL.

 

ONE-SHOT OF NAKOTA PUTTING THE BASKET IN FRONT OF A MAN.

 

MAN You don't look Dutch.

 

NAK You don't look Dutch, either.

 

MAN I'm not. I'm an American.

 

NAK I'm an American Indian.

 

MAN You're a long way from home.

 

NAK(stoically while pushing basket closer to him) This is my home now (man puts money in the collection).

 

ONE-SHOT OF MAN WHO HAD CLASSICAL GUITAR BEFORE. HE'S COME BACK AND HE'S WEARING

RENAISSANCE CLOTHES AND HE'S CARRYING A MANDOLIN. HE WALKS UP TO DIVA.

 

THREE-SHOT OF SPEEDY, MERI AND SNIPER WALKING OVER TO DIVA.

 

MINSDo you need a minstrel to illustrate your show?

 

DIVA(laughing) Where did you get this costume?

 

MINSI once acted as Romeo in a play in my old country. The theater was so poor that I had to buy my own costume. I always

wanted to use it for something. Then I saw the beginning of your show (smiling) and wanted to be part of it. I've been staying in

a squat closebly so I ran home and put it on.

 

ONE-SHOT OF PIETER PULLING TIGHTS OUT OF HIS ASS.

ONE-SHOT OF SPEEDY SQUIRMING AROUND IN HIS TIGHTS, HE PULLS THE TIGHTS OUT OF HIS ASS, TOO.

TWO-SHOT OF PIETER AND SPEEDY.

 

MINS (to Speedy) Ja, I know. I never did get the hang of them.

 

MERI(matter-of-factly) Tights never did bother me and I've worn them a lot of my life. You're men, you don't know how to wear

them (Speedy and Minstrel shrug).

 

GROUP SHOT.

 

DIVA (to Speedy and the group) This guy...(looks at him with questions)

 

MINSMy name is Pieter. I'm from Prague. (Reaches his hand out and shakes Speedy's and Sniper's hands, then Diva's and

Meri's). I studied medieval minstrel music at the university. I'm pretty good.

 

DIVA(looking at costume and mandolin) I hope so. (Looking at Sniper, Speedy, Meri and Nakota) He wants to join our little

theater group. He got his costume from playing Romeo. What do you think?

 

SPDYCount the money, then let him sing at the next show (Pieter smiles and nods in agreement). If the money is much higher,

then he can work with us (Sniper and Meri nod in agreement)

 

DIVA(narrating) Pieter from Prague really was as good as he looked.

 

GROUP SHOT OF EVERYONE GETTING READY TO PERFORM AGAIN. PIETER IS GETTING HIS MANDOLIN

READY TO PLAY.

 

DIVA(narrating) He came out strolling and singing to the crowd while Speedy, Meri and Sniper got ready to perform. He sang

some lyrical medieval ballad of such everlasting lo ve that made the crowd spellbound. He played that mandolin like a master and

put everyone in a good mood.

 

ONE-SHOT OF MERI JUMPING AND TUMBLING AND JUGGLING. BEAUTIFUL RENAISSANCE MUSIC IS

HEARD IN THE BACK.

 

DIVA(narrating) Pieter made beautiful background music while Meri entertained. He also made it for Speedy and Sniper. He

had such good timing that he knew when to stop so everyone could concentrate on what they were about to see . . .

 

TWO-SHOT OF SPEEDY AND SNIPER ABOUT TO MAKE A GIANT FIREBALL. PIETER SINGS OF TWO GREAT

FIRESPITTERS AND STOPS AS SPEEDY AND SNIPER MAKE THE FIREBALL. HASHOE AND THE BOYS ARE IN

THE AUDIENCE. THEY CLAP AND YELL THE MOST.

 

DIVA (narrating) We made almost double the money we made the first show. It was the Pieter's music that did this and we

knew it. We hired him for as long as we had to be street performers.

 

GROUP SHOT OF EVERYONE SHAKING PIETER'S HAND AND WELCOMING HIM INTO THEIR LITTLE

GROUP.

 

ONE-SHOT OF NAKOTA. A BOY COMES UP TO NAKOTA AND SAYS

 

BOY Dat was een gave show. Ga jij het vuurspuwen ook leren?

(That was a pretty good show! Are you going to learn to spit fire?)

 

TWO-SHOT OF MERI AND ME LISTENING.

TWO-SHOT OF NAKOTA AND BOY.

 

NAKBedankt. Ik zou het vak graag willen lerne, maar ik denk niet dat he van mijn groot-modeder mag.

(Thanks. I would like to learn how to spit fire, but I don't think my grandmother would allow it.)

 

TWO-SHOT OF MERI AND ME.

 

DIVANakota spoke Dutch ! He just got here and he's speaking Dutch already! I've been here a long time and I can barely string

a sentence together!

 

MERI(shrugging) They must teach him good at his new school. Kids are always smarter at these things than adults.

 

VARIOUS ART SHOTS OF SNIPER, PIETER, SPEEDY, MERI AND ME PERFORMING. ANOTHER SHOT OF THEM

BOWING TO AN ENTHUSIASTIC CROWD AND A THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.

 

DIVA(narrating) We did three more shows that day. And several a day in the following days.

 

TWO-SHOT OF DIVA AND MERI.

 

DIVA I never did work my magick coin trick into the act.

 

MERI That's okay. We have enough tricks as it is.

 

TWO-SHOT OF SPEEDY AND SNIPER SPITTING A GIANT BALL OF FIRE.

FRAME FREEZES AS IF A PHOTO.

 

DIVA(narrating) One time, a reporter came out and took their picture. There were so many people taking pictures that we didn't

notice him.

 

DISSOLVE TO SNIPER, NAKOTA, SPEEDY, MERI AND ME WALKING BACK FROM THE TRAIN STATION IN

ALKMAAR THROUGH THE OLD DUTCH NEIGHBORHOOD. THEIR REGULAR STREET IS BLOCKED OFF. A

PILE OF BRICKS SIT IN A PILE SUGGESTING THAT SOMEONE IS FIXING UNDER THE STREET.

 

SPDY (to everyone) I guess we'll have to go around the other way.

 

DIVA Hey, maybe we will see those neighbors next door.

 

SPDY Let's hope not . . .

 

AS THE COMPANY OF FIVE COME AROUND THE CORNER, THEY SEE A LITTLE WOMAN AND A LITTLE OLD

MAN COME OUT OF THEIR HOUSE. THE LITTLE OLD MAN IS STOOPED AND BARELY WALKING. BOTH OF

THEM ARE BARELY WALKING.

 

DIVA (to the old man and woman) Do you live here?

 

OLD MAN AND WOMAN SHAKE THEIR HEADS AS IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND.

 

MERI (in Dutch) Do you live here?

 

OLDM Ja, we've been here ten years now.

 

SPDY I live next door. I've lived there for two years.

 

OLDM Nice to meet you. (His wife nods in agreement)

 

MERI You don't look like what I thought you would look like.

 

OLD MAN LOOKS AT ALL OF THEM IN RENAISSANCE CLOTHES.

 

OLDM You don't look like what I thought you would look like, either.

 

SNIPER, SPEEDY, MERI AND ME BURST OUT LAUGHING. OLD MAN AND WOMAN LOOK CONFUSED.

GROUP WALKS UP TO SPEEDY'S DOOR AND THROUGH IT.

 

DIVA (to Meri) Did you see how old they are?

 

MERI(still laughing) And they make all that noise! Who would have thought?

 

DIVA (shaking her head as she laughs) Only in Alkmaar. This would only happen in Alkmaar. There must be magick in the

water or something that makes this place so cool.

 

DISSOLVE TO NEXT SCENE.

 

 

 

 

Screenplay Table of Contents	Act Sixteen
Act Fourteen	HOME