Working in Westminster

Intelligence not Required





By Roland Michel Tremblay

An insignificant sheep lost amongst the billions



44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middx, London, TW7 4JF, UK

020 8847 5586, 0794 127 1010








Westminsterís Fever Part A

Working in Westminster Part B

Iím a West End Girl

Iím an East End Boy

Westminster No More

You are not Important Enough

Another Boring Day in Westminster

I Graduated, but Just

My Little Cousin

Iím Inspired Tonight

I am out of this world

Iíve become an undesirable

Am I alive?

Just admit it

Go ahead with your dreaming

Being stopped by love

Iím the Brain behind Westminster

Desperate People

Cockpit Steps

We were so naive

Youíre so Perfect

Back Off Bitch!

I Hate Men

Iím a Westminster Icon

Dreaming on my Lunch Hour

Iím Such a Peaceful Fellow

I am not a Citizen

Another Panic Attack

I'm Useless

No Way Out

If alcohol did not exist

Trying to Connect

When I was a little boy

Describing the Heart of London

I bumped into the Prime Minister

Remaining true to oneself

Get inspired, if you can

Making History

Iím your Westminsterís Whore

He slept with a prostitute!

Should I vote Labour or Conservative?


Other White

Lady Di is Dead

Who will remember you in 20 years?

Iím Self-Centred

Iím worth more than any of you

Alien Nation

Love is an overrated meaningless concept

Iím still a Virgin

The Cynicism Paradox

My neighbours are bunkers

Surrounded by incompetence

Blogging things

Election Day

What sort of government would respect the law?

Warning! My fish has died

Iíve reached rock bottom

I am now a Satanist

Youíre such a liar

It will be over faster than making coffee

Tea Time

Letís exploit them all

The Master Bitch of Westminster

The most miserable human being on earth

Dear me, Iím working with Thatcher herself

The ODPM has failed again

Youíre corrupt

Iíve gone mad!

Another Disciplinary

Oh yes, youíre history

King Henry the Eighth

Darkest Moments, Brightest Successes

Ideas of Greatness

Whereís that damn cancer?

Bombs under London

Do you think Londoners will leave London now?

More security in London, are you joking?

Brixton, the Pulse of the Nation

Iím not proud

The Corporation

Am I just fast food?

An insignificant sheep lost amongst the billions

I am in turmoil

My God! Iím a force of nature!

Imprisoned for treason

I want to be God!

Geniuses are killed before theyíre born

I'm moving to L.A.!

I'm out of here!

Fuck Mummy! I will succeed!

Changing our Perspective

My year of hell in Westminster

In Between Days

Itís party time!

Did you ever exist?

I will fall flat on my face

I have resigned from Westminster

Hollywood, here I come!





Westminsterís Fever Part A


Oh Westminster

So much to answer for

I have been seduced

Now I could not picture my life without you

Youíre anything and everything

Symbol of life and hell

For the world to enjoy and suffer

See the end or the beginning of things

I will celebrate you

Forever and ever


Oh Westminster

So much to answer for

Wrong book, wrong time, wrong soul

How have I fell in love with you?

It is beyond understanding

It goes against every fibre in my body

And yet, I am here

To open my eyes and fall on my knees

And pray for your protection

Against the evil of this world

I must have been brainwashed

And yet, I am here every day

Hoping that you will be my salvation


Oh Westminster

So much to answer for

What are you really?

What do you hide behind so much history?

Who else is to come to make you powerful?

And will you ever die?

From you came unhappiness

From you came death

Thereís no denying it

It is recorded everywhere for posterity

Yet, you mean so much to me

I need to be cured from this insane love affair



Working in Westminster Part B


9 Oíclock rings at the Big Ben again

Are we Monday or Friday?

Today, been debating the new Building Regulations Part L addendum

AboutÖ boilers

All day

All week

All month

Seventy conferences

One hundred and twenty workshops

And Iím not exaggerating

Making the life of everybody a misery

Iím just gonna take a gun and shoot myself


12 Oíclock rings at the Big Ben again

Canít tell what day this is

Today, been debating Dispute Resolution, Arbitration, Adjudication

The hell of Construction and Engineering Law

Filled with land mines

Which cannot fail to explode in your face

In every single project

Delays, over budget, gold pot for every solicitor and barrister

Making the life of everybody a living hell

Iím just gonna take a gun and shoot them all


5 Oíclock rings at the Big Ben again

I think itís Saturday

Iím still at work

Today, energy, regeneration, development, environment

Regulations regulating till death

Sustainability! The new buzz word that means nothing

Donít care about Global Warming, Global Dimming

Donít give a shit about Asbestos

Making life not worth living

Free me! Free yourself!

Let me get out of Westminster for good!

Before I become the new law!

Before I start dictating the new regulations!

Before I rule this world!



Before you take away our last dying breath

Iím just gonna take a gun and shoot you



Iím a West End Girl


My Dad came from Africa

Diplomatic things

Iíve been living in Oxford Circus all my life

In a flat paid by the British government

Everything within walking distance

Canít stand working in Westminster

Not even a sandwich shop within a mile

Got to go to Victoria for that

No good for me

Iím a Mensa member, you understand

In the 2% superior race

93% Geek Girl

My brainís about to crack

As Iím so intelligent

Iím the black sheep of the family

Donít believe in religion

Donít believe in the Right

Donít believe in marriage

Donít believe in anything really

Iím a West End girl you know

Proud of all that meaningless crap

Because it gives my life a meaning

Because otherwise Iím worthless

My hair is so shiny

My boobs are crying to get out all over your face

Am I worth meeting or what?

I run this place, Iíve been here for years

And you better understand me

Or Iíll destroy you



Iím an East End Boy


Iím just an Executive

I canít speak

I canít think

Yet Iím trying to impress the boss

Got to try to save my job

Heís the big bastard

About to sack everybody

Iím first on his list

I cannot stop thinking about my next pint

The next party

These never ending meetings bore me to death

Oh, I have to fight so hard to stay awake

God knows how Iíve been able to maintain myself in Westminster for so long

It must be clear to everyone that I donít belong here

Must be because my Manager fancies me

No other explanation

Or else, in Westminster, no need for a brain

The scum of London ends up here

The ones incapable of accomplishing anything all day

No problems, intelligence is not required in Parliament Square

The bastard wonít succeed

Iíll still be working here when heís gone

Mummy, Iíll make you proud

One day Iíll be the Manager

Even though I will still not know what it is

that I am supposed to do here

No problems

Weíre in Westminster

Intelligent people need not apply



Westminster No More


Oh dear, Iím stressed to death

Tomorrow is back to Parliament Square

I would do anything not to go

I would wash your feet and clean your teeth

I would tuck you to bed and kiss your children like a good boy

I would do your dishes and your washing

I would do anything!

But please, please, please

Donít let me go to Parliament Square ever again


Oh dear, my existential crisis has reached a critical stage

Tomorrow is back to the Big Ben

I will do anything not to go

I am quite prepared to stop writing and whinging

I will pretend that I have never existed

I will disappear somewhere

You will never hear from me again

I will do anything!

But please, please, please

Donít let me go to the Big Ben ever again


Oh dear, Iím having a heart attack

Tomorrow is back to Westminster

I must do anything not to go

I must get out of this job

I must move any mountains along the way

I must become crazy

Thatís my only way out, Iím afraid

No more begging

To not have to go back to Westminster

I must do insane things!

So you better watch out

Cos I am reaching the end of my tether




You are not Important Enough


Who are you?

That important, hey?

Sorry Sir, I had not realised

How important you are

The respect you deserve

Such accomplishments

Such a social status

So much money

Is that your car outside?

Were you not on the news yesterday?

Were you not in Iraq last week?

Yeah, yeah, I know you saved the world once again

I have heard of your deal

Common knowledge how great you are

Let me make you a coffee

Let me order you an egg sandwich

Let me wipe your bum

I meant, let me wipe your seat

Please sit here

My boss will be with you in a moment

Tell me, howís the wife, the kids?

How is it going with the Palestine?

Any chance for peace in the next thousand years?

Sorry, yes Sir, I will mind my own business from now on

I will care only for things that are from my level of intelligence

Here is your coffee

Ah, your egg sandwich just arrived

The toilets are on the right, but theyíre broken

No, four floors down for the next one

No time, sorry, my boss is ready for you

Donít worry, so much shit comes out of your mouth most of the time

Perhaps you would care to shit from the right hole this time

It was a pleasure meeting you

Have a nice day Sir



Another Boring Day in Westminster



The Prime Minister babbled some bollocks again about the war, yawn

The Chancellor or something tried to be as eloquent, useless

The Mayor is being accused of being anti-Semite, whatever

The Prince wants to marry his sweetheart, but itís against the law

I thought the day would never end!



The phone never stopped ringing

My boss never left his desk

The whores around me were in full swing

Flowers were delivered to Master Bitch

I thought the day would never end!



The Creative department showed just how they donít deserve their title

The Marketing department confirmed that they are not doing any marketing

The Sales department confirmed that they donít exist

The COO caught me doing absolutely nothing

I thought the day would never end!



A bug crossed my desk in about 10 full minutes

The Big Ben rang for half an hour for no reason

A cloud went across the sky, was wondering if it would finally snow

For a second there, I was certain my computer clock went backward

I thought the day would never end!


Just what I needed

Another boring day in Westminster



I Graduated, but Just


Any idiot could do that

The difference is I never attended any of my graduation ceremonies

Thank god!

But I guess the main reason is

I never graduated in anything worth attending

Letís face it

Literature is worth nothing

A degree in that is the equivalent to a degree in refuse collection

I have about as much worth as a garbage man

Such a worthy title

I wish I could do just that

Collect garbage in Westminster all day long

At the very least I would be outside

Cursing you and your bin

Oh how I wish I was just nothing

I feel just like that anyway

One step further

Make me a garbage man

I have the degree

I have the diploma

I studied in University for 8 years

I must deserve anything I damn want

And what I want

Is to be nothing

With the right title

Your garbage man Madame

Your refuse collector Monsieur

To serve you

Please, thanks, bye bye

Next house

Next bin

Next life



Iím Inspired Tonight


Iím inspired tonight

And that means everything

Cos I havenít been inspired much lately


Blame it on the daily job in Westminster

Blame it on the uninspired people I have to deal with everyday

Insignificant people who are just waiting for their day to die

Making sure they get everyone in their wave

To die with them without leaving any mark on this planet whatsoever


How many times must I fall into these crowds

Of already dead people

Living an empty life

Concerned with only futilities

Incapable of seeing globally

Unless a fucking Tsunami happens

And kills a few people

Oh God, I donít care if it is 3,000 or 200,000 or a billion

I just wish I was in Indonesia when it happened


Life is worth nothing

Best proof were only ants thinking were geniuses

When really weíre nothing more than nothing

Let the wave take us all

And letís enjoy the silence



I am out of this world


I have reached that fine line that no one should cross

I believe I have lost all inspiration

All these books I have never read and probably will never read

Perhaps it is just my imagination

How should I know?

They just basically steal everything

And repeat the same stuff over and over again

And turn it into in such a way that no one could sue anyone

Not that I would sue anyone anyway

My Ego has grown to the size of a small planet

Perhaps I am too out there

But thatís the only way to reach out to anyone

I just have to shut my big mouth

Continue to write forever and ever

I will get there one day

Just have to be careful

Keep my feet on the ground

And continue to inspire people

But who cares anyway

Iíve always said I was beyond all that

Thinking more about suicide than recognition

And thatís so fucking true

Give me a gun any day

That is so much more important to me than anything else

Because Iím so bored with this life

Itís getting me nowhere worthwhile

Successes are short lived

My Ego grows in size only for a few seconds

Until I get back to my useless reality

Iím still the unhappiest person on this planet

Whatever my accomplishments

More than once I wanted to just shoot the persons in front of me

I canít stand anyone anymore

I canít stand anything anymore

The news are killing me

Society is killing me

You are killing me

Damn it!

You are just a useless bunch of people

I donít give a fucking fuck about any of you

If you could just die, it may make me happy

I guess I just want to isolate myself from everything and everyone

And I canít even do that

Useless planet, useless world

I need to get out of here!

I need to breathe!

I donít need you or your recognition

Go fuck yourself, all of you!



Iíve become an undesirable


Employment agencies are afraid of me

They think I want to commit suicide

Employers believe Iím some sort of anarchist

They may even think I am some sort of terrorist

How funny

Because what Iím saying is often what most people think

And yet, by not saying anything, they are somehow off the hook


I wonít shut up!

I wonít stop saying what I believe!

If it costs me a lot, then Iíll just have to assume it

Itís in my nature and we cannot change our nature

Oh sad people of this world

At least I understand you

I talk for you

Since you cannot express anything yourself


Oh god, what am I gonna do?

Is there anything I can do at this point?

I am so tired of lying to everyone

Pretend that I am someone that I am not

Fighting for things I donít believe in


And what is it that I believe in?

In time I have forgotten

Never mind, I have written a lot on the subject

Surely something will remain of what I have written?

And if not, so be it

I donít care

I donít believe in anything

And thatís how it should be



Am I alive?


Am I insensible?

Oh yeah


Am I heartless?

Oh yeah


Am I pessimistic?

Oh yeah


Am I totally lost?

Oh yeah


Am I disgusted by everything I see?

Oh yeah


Have I lost faith in humanity?

Oh yeah


Am I sadistic?

Oh yeah


Am I dead?

Oh yeah


Am I a murderer?



Just admit it


You have debts

You donít love the person youíre living with

You hate your parents and friends

Youíre a psychopath

Youíre a drug addict

Youíre a mental case

Youíre a misfit

You donít fit in

Youíre as depressed as I am

You canít stand anyone

Youíre fed up with life

Youíre that close to tell everybody to fuck off


Just admit it

Youíll feel better

And if not

You are a fucking sad case

Conditioned to perfection

Brainwashed beyond hope

Ready for the asylum

Thereís no hope for you

You certainly canít help yourself

God help you



Go ahead with your dreaming


For what it is worth

To hope for so much

Can only be deceived the day it becomes reality


How I wish I never had any dream

Never succeeded in making them come true

What is there left for me now?


No more dream worth pursuing

No hope that one day everything will fall into place

That I'll be free to do as I wish


If I were to go back in time and decide to pursue my dreams

I would not do anything

Better continue to hope in a better world than be disappointed


You are guilty for making the world what it is

To be powerless in changing it

To not even try


Go ahead with your dreaming, for what it is worth

Hope in a better world is all there is left

Cos' there'll never be a better world



Being stopped by love


Love is no reason to stop you living

Love is no reason to stop you from having friends

Love is no reason to stop you from smoking and drinking

Love is no reason to stop you from living the way you should


Love is a prison

Love is the biggest obstacle to conquered

Love is everything between you and success

Love is not worth it


Letís face it, how many times a month do you actually have sex with your loved one?

Without having to beg for it?

Madness, useless, crazy

Love, overrated, not worth it


How much more whinging must one suffer?

Complaints going on and on and on?

Bitching and blaming and accusationsÖ

Itís a living hell!


Love, is not really love

It stops life

No way

Just get rid of it


Oh, how I wish I could!



Iím the Brain behind Westminster


Look at him!

Parliament Square

Heís the big Minister

He is what we are and what we represent

But donít listen to him for too long

You would soon realize he has no brain

Thatís why Iím here

Iím the brain behind the Mongol

Useless to talk to him, talk to me

Or else whatever you say will not be acted upon

Wasted, wasted, wastedÖ thatís our definition

Thatís us!

Unless you speak to me

Iím the only brain out here

Iím the assistant, you seeÖ

Call my Mycroft Holmes

Without me the world cannot go round

Without me, there is no world

I am it

I am everything

I am the Assistant to the big Minister

Waste your time!

Iím sure it has been taken into consideration in the budget

Letís contact the Honourable Mr. Justice whateverÖ

The Prime Minister or whateverÖ

All goneÖ in more important meetings that will never end

You need the assistant

I will make it happen

I will make it all come true

Iím the power behind the pretence

What have you done for me lately?


Then you can forget it

I donít give a shit about you

Donít even try, I was the one you needed to seduce

To convince

To pay

And Iím not convinced

Your project will fail

No budget allocated to that, I can tell you

See ya at the next party!

Iíll be the one out of control

The one that everyone believes will be sacked

But hey, Iím the brain behind the power

I decide everything around here

Sad it took you so long to understand it

You will be sacked now, any time soon

Because I donít like you

Because you donít like me

It is as simple as that

Better luck next time

Hi ha, hi ho, ya hoo!

Wonderful, I am in control of the country

I am the Assistant, you see

I decide everything around here

And you are not part of that plan





Desperate People


What time is it?

Five minutes past midnight

Can I buy cigarettes and alcohol at this time?

Iím working tomorrow

It would kill me to go out now

Yet, I need to go on

Build history

Tell you of these times where nothing of significance is happening

Never mind the wars

The petty laws that we believe to be the signs of Big Brother lurking in

We are still far away from Defcon 1

Even though I can see that I am dying

Of old ageÖ how sad

At this point, nothing means anything

Iím a desperate man!

I want everything on a gold platter

I believe I deserve it

But I donít

And no one else deserves it

Thatís the problem

Theyíre all desperate

For some sort of recognition

They want to be part of history

To change something on a massive scale

They will all die hopeless

None of them did anything worth mentioning

Desperate people

Will never get anywhere

You see, things happen out of your control

Things will always happen out of your control

And what will humanity remember

Can only come from people like me

And I choose carefully what I wish to be remembered

At the moment, nothing

Iím a desperate man

Nothing to pursue, to admit, to declare

Automated world for automatons

Brainwashed people completely brain dead

What could I add to change your legacy?


Complete success

Weíre all desperate people



Cockpit Steps


My dear Cockpit Steps!

You mean so much to me!

Westminster and all

My dream now achieved

I am here to stay

For the moment

I live here

I am it

I am everywhere


My Cockpit Steps!

All mine!

For all I care

Nothing before me existed

Nothing after me will ever exist

I am history

At the present time

For eternity


My Cockpit Steps

No one will ever steal them from me

I will get them known

I will make sure everyone knows where they are

What they mean to Westminster

They mean lunch time

They mean the sandwich before St Jamesís park

They mean government stuff

Policy, regulation, law


My Cockpit StepsÖ

You just know that anyone of any importance in history

Has climbed those steps

And I am climbing them every day

Am I important to history?

I sure hope I am

Or else weíre all doomed

After my death



The Cockpit Steps

And hopefully it will make sense

Sense of it all

Iím talking bullocks

I hope you understand that

Or else, weíre all doomed for real


No one of any importance has ever climbed

My Cockpit Steps



We were so naive


Canít say I was not there first

Canít say I was not as stupid as you were

Canít say I too thought it would open me all the doors of the world


The thing is that I quickly realised that it was all worthless

And I was there because I enjoyed it

Not like you who could not understand that no doors would ever open


I wonder where you are today

Not that I would want to meet you

I would be quite happy if you were already dead

I canít imagine why you would be happy to hear from me now


We only existed for a fraction of a second

On a timeline already destroyed

Yet, we believed it was the perfect moment in time

That we are now part of history

Of something bigger than we will ever be able to reach on our own


We would talk about it like if there was no tomorrow

Like if anything coming after was just not worth mentioning

Not hard to imagine

Nothing great is anywhere near from bursting into our lives now

The world seems to have come to an end

No imagination or revolutionary idea anywhere

We were it!


On a Friday night, means everythingÖ

Or are we just kidding ourselves?

Was it so powerful?

I just canít tell


Perhaps we were just so naive

To believe that we were changing the world

I certainly felt like I was influencing a few people

I was just as naive as you


I just could not face you now

Youíre probably a solicitor or a doctor

Makeís me want to puke everywhere

God I hope youíre dead!


I was so naiveÖ



Youíre so Perfect


You put me to shame

Youíre the PA of the whole government

And youíre so perfect

I work beside you

With all my neurosis, psychological problems, thereís no end to it

And yet you are made of steel

Everything just rubs over your feathers like a duck in St Jamesís Park

Your sister was Miss World from South America

It might as well have been you

So much intelligence

So much understanding of life

So many ways to defuse every single bomb dropping on our head

Youíre so perfect

Thatís just it

Youíre the government

You are the glue that keeps it all together

How sad that ultimately youíre not the one making the decisions around here

You would certainly solve every single problem this dying civilisation is facing

If only you were not just a PA

If only you were recognized as the person saving the day, every day

Letís face it

You are diplomacy

You are the smile on the face of these disgusting fat politicians with no future

You are the one maintaining them where they are

You are the genius behind the power

Youíre so damn perfect

It makes me sick

Oh, how I just wish I was like you

Not bothered by any fucking bitch around who feels like dictating

Bunch of dictators in the making

And yet you are able to stop them in their tracks

You need to be commended

You deserve an OBE

The Queen herself should hire you

Just sad that your brain is not working

When the time comes to understand anything

Of what is going on around you

I believe you are intelligent enough

Itís just that you have been brainwashed

Fortune, money, fashion

Friday night big lunch in the higher spheres of London

Showing off

You have forgotten you real role in all of this

You are blind to your power

Every time you speak with the brains around here

You just donít understand that, in all your innocence

You are the real intelligence

But I guess that if you understood that

You could never really be the brain here

Or influence the brains around here

You might as well just be the innocent and insignificant PA

And play your role in humanityís destiny



Back Off Bitch!


Back off bitch!

Yeah, you!

Surely you recognise yourself?

Youíve made my life a misery for years

In every job I ever had

Always, you, to bitch around

And give me shit


Back off bitch!

What the fuck is going through your mind?

Thatís so different from whatís running in mine?

Why, oh why, are we so different?

And why is it that you always somehow feel the need to hate me?

What have I done to God to deserve you?

A bitch in every corner, in every country, I tell you


Back off bitch!

Ah, youíre new

Youíre my boss

I know you

Youíre just like the others

A bitch waiting to destroy me

You need a good fuck, thatís what you need


Back off bitch!

Westminster is full of them

Never again will I suffer you

Iíll kill you before

Itís a promise

To all the bitches of the world


Back off bitch!

Could it be that I am the problem?

Have I got a sticker on my forehead?

Warning all of you that it wonít work?

Have I got too many opinions?

Am I trying too much to please you without success?

Or is it just that you cannot share the limelight with me?

I must be a threat to you, no other explanation possible

Well, I better get you sacked and take your place thenÖ


Back off bitch!

Or Iíll get rid of you



My Little Cousin


Sheís done it again

My little cousin was nothing

She was picked up by the Master

Just like I was

She became number one in every country overnight

I became absolutely nothing

I wish I could hate her

But sheís more anarchist than Iíll ever be

Sheís done it again

Her last song is just perfect

I wish I had written that

I wish I was singing it

Itís killing me

Jealousy on a massive scale

How could I fail so spectacularly?

When she succeeds so exceptionally?

Iím dreaming that one day Iíll be there where she is

My little cousin

For now I can take comfort

In the fact that my little cousin is not happy

Success looks so bad on you, cousin

That you talk of suicide for the whole world to hear

Have you lost yourself in misery?

Just like me

What has gone wrong?

That in some easy steps

You'll show us how leadership looks when taught by the best

You perhaps think that I donít know?

Only you can build your life achievement award

And I can tell you that you are getting there

Unlike me

Whoís still stuck in Parliament Square

Forever and ever

One of us needs to be heard

Good luck cousinÖ



I Hate Men


Have I said it before?

I donít think so

But I do hate them

I hate all men

Not too sure why

Perhaps because I am such a feminist

Perhaps because I feel so intelligent compare with any man

(Iím not a man, thank god for that)

(Neither a woman, thank god for that)

(Not sure what I am, I must be an alien)

Not too difficult to understand why

Every single man proves everyday just how stupid he is

One would wonder why the fuck they are in charge of everything

With so small a brain

That they will just never understand anything

About the ways of this world

It is this superiority complex that confuses everyone

Their feeling that they know best

Their high position, high social status, that blinds us

Deep down they know

Deep down we know

Theyíre useless, just useless

They have no intelligence

They donít understand the first thing

Dear me, how can we still trust them as CEOs?

They will bring this world to an end

Quicker than we can even imagine

This has gone on for too long

Only women should have any right to climb the hierarchy

Only women have the brain to get anywhere

Only women can understand this world

Never trust a man again

They know fuck about the world

And yet

Every woman I meet in a position of power is a bitch

I hate women in power

Perhaps they are no better than men

I guess we can only trust women who are not climbing the hierarchy

That poor woman out there whoís nothing

She should be the next CEO

The next Prime Minister

The next President of the United States

The next Head of the U.N.

Letís not give her the choice

Letís get her elected

And finally letís breathe for a while

(Unless she talks religion, then we must shoot her right there)

For Godís sake!

Letís do it

Letís do it now, please!

Only then the world will be a safe place to live



Iím a Westminster Icon


Rats everywhere!

Iím an icon

Dead, shut up bitch!


What you want is not what I want

I am not getting older, whore

Itís just that everything out there is just soooooo much craaaap

That my brain stopped working altogether


Sheep everywhere!

That we all love the same shit

Not meÖ fuck you


Iím the Marginal

Iím the Anarchist

Iím wasted on everyone


Yet, Iím getting somewhere

Iím a Westminster Icon

Iím inspiring the whole planet


Generations and generations of lost ones

Electrified by originality

Big hopes for such a futile civilisation


Donít listen to anyone telling you what to do

They donít know what to do

Or else they would do it


Conformist bastards

How can you be proud?

Unless youíre the only lost one out there


Open your damn heart to different possibilities

Open your eyes to the alternative

Get out and get inspired!


Baby, baby, baby, I Love You

One more time

You wankers

And Iím out of here



Dreaming on my Lunch Hour


In between each bite of my Panini

Sitting on a bench in St Jamesís Park

Iím dreaming that I am the Prime Minister

I talk about unemployment, alcoholism, god, religion, war

I annihilate what remains of the Third and Second Worlds

I am all powerful and threatening and condescending

I am making a huge difference

Then I realise Iím just that little and insignificant executive


In between each crisp

Sitting on a bench by the Thames in front of the Parliament

Iím dreaming that I am a known songwriter

Singing in the biggest alternative band around

I sing about humanityís problems, doing satires

I have a voice, and my God it is reaching out

I roll in millions while pretending that Iím the poorest and most miserable

Then I realise that I am nothing and will never be anything worthwhile


In between each sip of my orange juice

Standing right in the middle of Parliament Square

I am no longer dreaming

I donít want to be anyone anymore

I hear those morons denouncing god knows what

I see business people obviously making a fortune

An army of politicians walking in every direction

Probably wasting their time and collecting their pay check

I see tourists taking photos, so many photos, I must appear in all of them

I have seen the most photographed phone booth in the world

Iím not impressed

Iím quite pleased not to be anything worthwhile


Iím so fed up with everything and everyone

Hear all that crap every single day

Politicians who donít know what theyíre talking about

Meaningless journalists inventing front page stories

Everyoneís lying through their teeth

Everywhere, propaganda

My headís about to explode!

One more lunch hour in Westminster

And Iíll bomb the place


In between each bite of my blueberry muffin

Walking on Westminster Bridge

Iím dreaming that I am a terrorist

I talk about unemployment, alcoholism, god, religion, war

I annihilate what remains of the First World

I am all powerful and threatening and condescending

I am making a huge difference

Then I realise Iím just that little and insignificant executive



Iím such a Peaceful Fellow


Have I mentioned that I was a peaceful fellow?

I pay my taxes every month

I read Sherlock Holmes stories night and days

In fact, I need that to escape the world I live in

I am so polite, itís almost disgusting

Iím such a nice person

Iím always laughing, a big smile on my face

Everyone loves me

I have a magnetic personality

I am successful at my job

I am being recognised for what I am

A valuable and hard working employee

A sympathetic colleague

A happy go lucky and simple minded person

The nicest and softest guy around


How do you explain this then?

How do you explain that when I am drunk

I turn into Mr. Hyde?

I canít

It makes no sense

No one would ever understand

I would throw myself in the Thames tomorrow morning

And no one would be able to explain why

Perhaps thatís the problem

In such a world of hypocrisy

How can you tell if someone is unhappy?

How can you realise that something is fundamentally wrong?

That the whole world is flawed?

You canít

You find the body a few yards away

Itís a mystery

You donít question anything

You donít put back anything into question

For one that commits suicide

A thousand think of it but lack the courage

But what is wrong with society?

What is wrong with you?

I donít know

I just know that it makes me want to depart this world


There must be something wrong

There must be something that could be changed

I donít think so

It must be me

Only me

Alone in a million

Who canít stand anything

The only one who can see the brainwashing

The only one who understands the manipulation

The only one who can see right through you


Whatís wrong with me?

Why is it that I just canít accept everything for cash

Be blind like the rest of the population?

And be happy reading my newspaper every day

Without questioning everything

Without understanding the motivations behind and the artifice


Oh why have I got a brain?

Never thought of disconnecting the few capable of seeing through your game?

I just wanted to be happy in my blissful ignorance

I donít care about power and whoís got it

I donít mind a few wars and genocides somewhere else on the planet

I donít even give a fuck if youíre stealing millions from the tax payers

I just donít want to hear from you

I just donít want to know that you even exist

I donít want to see your corruption right there in front of me

I donít want to hear your miserable stories and your scandals

I just want to live, to breathe, to be happy!

This has not materialised, it has not happened

I am not free to think by myself

I am not free to have peace

I am right there in the middle of it all

And everyday I see stupidity surrounding me

You must think weíre gullible

Iím not

I need to free myself from you

I need to free myself from Westminster

I need to free myself from the modern and uncivilised world

I need to get out of here!


I used to be such a peaceful fellow, you know

I was ignorant

I was empty

And now I am full of your shit

Itís unbearable

So when Iím drunk

I can no longer pretend

Iím no longer that peaceful fellow

Iím a revolutionary guy ready to do his revolution

You have made this place impossible to live

You have only yourself to blame


It could be just me


If more disgruntled people say the same thing

Youíll know that Iím not the only one whoís fed up

Youíll know you have a big problem on your hands

Youíll know itís time for a change

And if not, then others will

And perhaps finally youíll all disappear from my life


Let it be known

I am no longer a peaceful fellow



I am not a Citizen


Sorry, oh dear, I forgot

I am not a citizen

I have no rights whatsoever

I am only a guest in England

At any moment I could be kicked out

Especially if I am a trouble maker

Sorry, just got my Permanent Residency

Will be more difficult to get rid of me now

Better work hard right now to prevent me

From asking for my British Citizenship next year

There will be no stopping me then

Iíll be more British than the Queen

After ten years in London

You would have thought that I was more British than the Brits anyway

But right now I am still immigration scum

With the most basic rights only

And only because of the European Union

If it was up to you, I would have been out years ago

I gain a bit more rights every year

Took a long long time

Came too late in my case but Iím still here anyway

Must have been the most difficult thing ever

Get a permanent residency

Only took ten years, a few solicitors and huge bills that I canít pay

I have finally beaten the bureaucratic system!

Iím allowed to live somewhere else than where I was born

Even though it is limited to this island

So ridiculous when you think of it

I can hear many of you wishing that I was actually gone

No doubt a few critics will say so quite openly

I donít care

I have as much right as any of you to be here

I should be able to live anywhere I want

Or else humans on this planet have no rights whatsoever

The whole chart of freedom and liberties is just bollocks

The Constitution is good for the bin

I understand that if you were more open

The whole of Africa would move instantly on your little island

Iím sure this prospect does not help you sleep at night

Perhaps if you had not made their world such a misery

Perhaps if you had helped them instead of robbing them of everything

They would not want to move here in the first place

Nobodyís perfect

You certainly are not

Makeís me wonder why I want to be here

So many British I meet just donít understand why I want to live here

Because they donít want to live here either

I guess itís just that in Canada itís even worse

People donít seem to have a mind

Must be the proximity of the United States

Nobodyís perfect

They certainly are not

Despite the peaceful image of rightfulness they project

Makes me sick, I could not leave quickly enough

I just wanted to live somewhere else

To escape

And I am ready to do just that again

Next step

I need to get out of the solar system

Iím ready to be shipped on the first rocket

Contemplating the stars forever

Until I die

Without thinking at all

Thatís my dream

One day I will achieve it

Because letís face it

If I succeeded in getting my permanent residency in England

Then I can succeed at anything



Another Panic Attack


That's it, this time I'll be sacked

I wasted so many months doing nothing

Now they have noticed

They called a meeting

We will discuss my no future within the organisation

How I have been doing everything else but my job

How I tried every last trick in the book to avoid working

Why I am always so sick and never at work

The mistake that I am and the mistake of hiring me


Another panic attack

It's coming, I can feel it

I'm doomed

How I thought I could get away with it

I must have been living on another planet

I'll pay the price for my poor track record

My foolishness, my wretchedness


I can't breath

More nightmares, every single night

I still have a professional conscience

How I wish I could work three times harder now

To compensate for my failure

I want to start all over again

I want to take life more seriously

I want to be more ambitious

Right there is the problem

I am the least ambitious man on the planet

I can't take life seriously

I don't want to start all over again

I have failure written all over me

I deserve to be sacked

To be deleted

To have never existed


How I wish I did not care

That stress was not eating me alive

Can't help it

I'm a waste of time

Another panic attack



I'm Useless


I wanted to be at the top of the world

I wanted to be a billionaire

I had dreams of controlling the planet

I thought I would wipe out everyone on my way to success


I am at the bottom of the world

I have more debts than England

I am not even controlling my five cats

People wipe me out on their way to success


I was going to be the best Prime Minister there ever was

I wanted to be a business man with a conscience

I was going to help people get out of their misery

I was different and I was going to make a difference


Politics makes me sick

Capitalism is killing me

I am the most miserable sod there is

I'm different all right, but nowhere near making any difference


I wanted to be a rock star

I saw myself as the best author ever

I would have make movies worthy of the Oscars

I was on my way to revolutionise everything


I can't even play a note

I can't write anything worthy of any attention

I held an Oscar once, and that's about it for that

My revolution has yet to come


I'm hopeless at everything

I'm worthless at even living a normal life

I have failed in all my jobs

I'm useless



No Way Out


Why, oh why!

Why am I so miserable?

Why am I so depressed all the time?

Why can't I have fun like everyone else?

Why is happiness just an impossible goal?

What an injustice that I was born like that

Worrying about just everything

Incapable of appreciating one single thing

Sinking lower every day

No way out


Why, oh why?

Why can't I see beauty?

Why can't I appreciate the simple things of life?

Why is it that I was expecting so much?

Why is it that it is never good enough?

Such high expectations

Standards so high that they could never be reached

It has all gone wrong

A living hell I've made of my existence

No way out


Why, oh why?

Why was I born like this?

Filled with an emptiness larger than an ocean

Dreaming of the infinities while watching the night sky

Hoping I was anywhere else in the universe but here

It's not fair!

To be born different

Unable to live a normal life

Unable to accept reality for what it is

No way out


Why, oh why?



If alcohol did not exist


If alcohol did not exist

I would never have come out of my tree

I would never tell the truth to anyone

I would still have my job


If alcohol did not exist

I would never go crazy

No more splitting headaches

I would not wake up the next day wondering what I have done this time


If alcohol did not exist

I would be living a normal life

I would never be totally out of control and lose my mind

I would have not been beaten up


If alcohol did not exist

I would never wake up the next day asking why alcohol exist

I would not cry over what I said while drunk

I might be happier


If alcohol did not exist

I would have never written anything



Trying to Connect


I'm trying, I'm trying

To connect with this century

To listen to the radio without breaking it

To watch television without be exasperated

To surf the Internet without getting bored out of my mind


I'm trying, I'm trying

To connect to this decade

To today's music

To what they are trying to do with these films

To these plays where nothing worthwhile is happening


I'm trying, I'm trying

To get into this life

To do my job and go home at night

To not eat and drink too much

To not do anything pleasurable, or I might get cancer


I'm trying, I'm trying

To just live this life until I die

To just breathe for a while, while I can

To just enjoy the silence and be peaceful

To not move, just in case something happens


I'm trying, I'm trying

Hard and hard, it's not enough

I can't connect, I just can't

I don't know what's going on, I'm just bored

Nothing will ever make me connect



When I was a little boy


I remember when I was a little boy

I was filled with wonder

I looked at the night sky

I asked questions

I could not understand this universe


When I grew up

I stopped wondering

I looked at the night sky

I am asking no more questions

I still can't understand this universe


When I was a little boy

I watched silently the world around me

I watched TV

I asked questions

I could not understand this world


When I grew up

I stopped watching the world around me

I watched even more TV

I can't even think of a question to ask

I still can't understand the world around me


When I was a little boy

I did not know what to do with my time

I was as empty as the universe

I was waiting for something to happen

Nothing ever happened


When I grew up

I did not have the time to do anything

I was filled with this crap surrounding me

I am waiting for some peace of mind

Too many things happen at once


When I was a little boy

I was innocent

I was ignorant

I was nothing

I was indifferent


When I grew up

I was no longer innocent

No longer ignorant

No longer nothing

But gosh I wish I was indifferent



Describing the Heart of London


Have I showed you Westminster?

There is no description

Have I described the people?

There are all automates

Have I told the History of the place?

History is in movement, it can still change

An aerial view, perhaps from the Eye?

Every single British film or TV series show it

Itís on the news every day, I cannot escape it myself

Have I told you about Buckingham Palace, the Treasury?

The War Museum, Saatchi, the Aquarium?

The little door on the side of the bridge used in James Bond and Doctor Who?

The women giving you flowers and then begging for money?

The pancake booth, orange juice, hot dogs?

The boats and the double deck buses filled to the brink with tourists?

I did not want to mention them: the global conspiracy lunatics?

Where Prince Charles and his kids live?

You tire quickly when you see it every day

Power, politics, poles, policies, police, poor, poets, public, publicity, pubs

That describes it, and yet, you still cannot picture it

You better buy a tourist guide then

Because no book can translate the Heart of London



I bumped into the Prime Minister


Quickly going into a cafť to buy a sandwich, a bag of crisps and a yogurt

I bumped into the Prime Minister

Dropping everything on his nice suit

What a mess I have made, I said

He freaked out completely

He said I was insane

He called the police everywhere around him

In minutes I was inside the famous Parliament

I was being questioned while they told me about the new laws against terror

I was terrified all right

They decided to throw me in prison without judgement

They deported me to Washington to be questioned by the President

They sent me to a weird island

I have been tortured

After months of this treatment

I finally admitted everything

I had sex with Osama Bin Laden, ok?

Can I go now?

And then, they let me go!

I could not believe it

So I went back to my daily job in Parliament Square

Now I stand away from the police and the cafťs

Unfortunately, while walking to the Underground station

I bumped into the Prime Minister again

Do I know you? he said

Yes, canít you even remember me?

I sprang to me feet and ran

Never trust a government ready to take away your rights

In the name of your protection and security

Give me bomb threats any day

I will gladly explode before giving away any information about myself

Even though I have nothing to hide

Who am I kidding?

I know they already know everything

At least, give me the illusion that I still have some sort of privacy

So I donít feel so loudly that I am living in the world of George Orwell

And please, keep that Prime Minister of yours

Out of my way



Remaining true to oneself


No more lies, ever

Can be plastic for a while

If it serves my purpose

But ultimately, there is only one truth

There is only one destiny

I am following it

It does not involved anyone else

And the crap I tell them when Iím drunk

Does not matter

They are all so insignificant

Even my boss, though I will pretend to break my back over his whims

I donít give a shit

My boss, I could not care less

This is not what I want

This is not my life

Shining, being successful, making 10 million pounds

These things are not important to me

This is not me

I have created a whole new universe

I am living in there

Whenever I can, that is

However, this is all there is

Nothing else

Westminster, Hollywood

Iím flirting with them, no doubt

When I can get inspired from it

I should not forget that they mean nothing

They should not take me over

I should not stress over them

I am my only master

Only my freedom counts in the end

Only my happiness means something

And I wonít find that in Westminster

Neither in Hollywood

Neither anywhere

It is a state of mind

To not depend on anything, or any place, or anyone

To get there

And I will get there

If I can recognise this, right here and right now

If I can stop and think

I may lose my way here and there

Forget who I am and what I can do

As long as I can remember my nature

As long as I can disconnect from all of this

And remember what it is that I am and doing


Then there is hope


I wonít play their game

I wonít be part of it

Nothing and no one is important enough

I donít belong to them

I donít belong here

There is another world out there

The dream world

The virtual world

My own creation

At the end of the day

This is all there is

And nothing else


If nothing else

I will remain true to myself



Get inspired, if you can


Not too many things

Not too many people

Not too many can inspire

Energise you

Break the mould

Break out of this reality

Break out!


Why waste time

Why waste a life

Why waste everything

For what is not worth it?


Who cares?

Who gives a damn?

No one

Unless they forgot what was important

And God, there are so many of them

With no life anymore

You wish you could take them in your hands

Shake them

Until they wake up

But they wonít, they could not

They are too far gone


Not important

You is important

I am important

I need to free myself

That is all that matters


I need to get inspired!

I need to revolutionise everything!

Even if it was all and only for myself

In my own little puny mind


I need to feel strong

I need to feel I am over everything else

I need to feel free!

To do whatever I want, whenever I want


That I could still be successful

That I could still be appreciated

That I could still be desired

That I could still be right there in the middle of it all

Is a mystery to me


I should have been cleared years ago

I should have been declared inapt a long time ago

No skills, no talent, no experience worth any salary whatsoever

I am not worthy of working in society

I am not worthy of a job

I am no longer worthy of your attention


Are you blind?

Are you completely out of your mind?

Are you that desperate?

Or am I still worth something despite my convictions that I am not?


I am ugly

I am old

I am worthless

I donít give a shit about anything

I am the last person you would like to hire

And yet, Iím still there playing your mind games

And suffering from it


Is there not a time when someone should not get any job?

Is there not a time when someone should retire?

Is there not a time when someone should die?


God Iím ready

I had enough, more than enough

But we just donít die anymore

It kills me

Because I want to die

Iím ready

I had enough, more than enough


There is nothing else I need to do here

There is nothing else I need to say here

There is nothing else I can do that will make any difference whatsoever

There is nothing I can say that is worthwhile

Iím already dead in my mind

Why canít you see that?

Is it not obvious?

I canít get inspired anymore

You have killed any sort of original idea I could have

Nothing is worth it anymore

Not that it ever was

I wonít reinvent the wheel, I know that now

I have accepted it

I donít care


Get inspired while you can

While you feel you can still be inspired

I certainly canít

I donít remember a time when I was

I certainly cannot inspire anyone

I might as well retire for good

I will declare bankruptcy and disappear forever

Thatís what Iíll do

I donít even have that courage

You have made a miserable human being out of me



Making History


You can only make a difference

At one specific point in time

Surely enough

You wonít see it at that time

You might even be annoyed at trying to make it happened

Because you wonít believe that you are actually making history

Surely enough

Years later, once everyone has forgotten about you

Or never even known you

They will get back to that moment in time

They will live for that moment

They will wonder who it is that made history on that day

Where they are now

You will then be long gone


Do you have a passion?

A passion for what you do?

You must have, or else, how could you have made history then?

Making history is independent of anything else

You just do your thing in your corner

With love and passion and all your heart

And thatís it

There is nothing else beyond that

Making history or not is independent of your control

Of anyoneís control


Just do your thing and donít worry

It will happen or it wonít

It does not matter if you get to know about it or not

Thatís what it is, making history

You cannot make it happen

It just happens



Iím your Westminsterís Whore


I donít even have shoes to wear, god damn it!

Iím naked all the time, right there in Parliament Square

Iím being picked up

Iím being used, Iím being raped, Iím being spit back

Not even one word of appreciation

Was it good for you too?

Do you want to do it again one day?

Farewell then, and fuck you too!


Iím your Westminsterís Whore


Here to serve

What do you want

What do you need

Here you are

Take it, swallow it, eat it

I donít care

Iím tired

Iím shaking

Iím dead

I want out


Iím your Westminsterís Whore


Iím your puppet!

I move to the right

I move to the left

I will not move if you ask me to

I will shut up eventually, maybe

Oh dear, I donít respond anymore

I must be broken

It must be you!

You have broken me

Whatís happening?

I have lost my mind by the Big Ben

At 3 am, you would think the tourists would be gone

Ah! They just wonít get lost

No matter, Iím their whore and I love it


Iím your Westminsterís Whore


How much money have you got?

Mmh, ok, thatís fine

Where do you want to do it?

Here is fine

Iím beyond caring

Letís do it right here

In Parliament Square

This is what it has become

Nothing else


Iíll be your whore!

Go for it!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Yes! Yes! Again! More! Yes! Ah!

It was my pleasure

I want more

Never enough

I want to screw you all

Until none of you remain


Iím your Westminsterís Whore

And I love it



He slept with a prostitute!


Big deal

Itís not like he was not a human to begin with

Being a politician, you can never be certain

They lie so much to get where they are

Their PR campaign tells nothing of who they really are

They are family men

They care for the people

They will do everything they can to help you

Who else on this planet is still that dumb to believe that crap?

The same ones that canít believe that he is an alcoholic

That he never cared for anything else but his own ambition

The same people that will ask for his resignation

When they learn he has slept with a prostitute

Itís even worse than that

Everyone knew who he was

Everyone knows he does not care about anyone

And suddenly, it is so nice to pretend to be scandalised

To get rid of him forever

Heís no longer fashionable

He did not help sell newspapers

But now he does

It was so boring on this Monday morning

A deep and juicy gossip is what our miserable life needs

Letís destroy the man

The one that lied to us from the beginning

Even though we knew and did not care

Even though we asked for it

Since only pure and innocent people should go into politics

He deserves it

Sleeping with a prostitute, what was he thinking?


A life in politics, is like being castrated

No more sex life

Dedication to the people is what we expect

Because weíre so stupid

We cannot see beyond what is human nature


Well, if you wanted to elect a Saint

If you wanted to elect the Virgin Mary

If you wanted God as your MP

Then you should have gone into politics

You hypocrites



Should I vote Labour or Conservative?


Is there a difference?


Tell me then, I have a few years to waste

Is there another party I can vote for?

Is there any other party that people can vote for?



I donít understandÖ

I have another few years to learn, tell me

We should get rid of these parties

Everyone should be independent

Thatís what I think

Letís get the best person elected

Letís not vote for a party

We will elect a bunch of fools and opportunists

What? How many billions will these parties spend on their election campaign?

How many hundreds will these independent parties spend on their campaign?

You see the problem, right there

They should all be allocated a budget from the state and make do with it

No more, no less

Then perhaps it would be fairer?


Sorry I even asked

I wonít vote, once again, I donít see the point, really

It makes no difference

They are all incompetent because they all won for the wrong reasons

We have all been manipulated by the media

Brainwashed by the billions they spent

I am no longer listening

I have never listened anyway

None of them will make the world any better

None of them can

Perhaps it is time to move away from politics

Nothing good will come out of this

It is on an individual basis that something good might come out

That maybe we will make the world a little better

But I donít hold my breathe

As I donít trust anyone

Neither should you





Am I guilty?

Of wondering what you would look like with a knife in your back?

Of imagining your bloody face on your computer desk?

Of secretly dreaming of decapitating you on my way to work?

Of thinking about blowing up this place?


Am I guilty?

I would like to be racist for once and piss on you

I hope I could still be respected after that

I wish I could be all alone on this planet

I want to eradicate the human race


Am I guilty?

I am giving you all the ammunition you will ever need

Here is the proof that I am a mental case

You have all you need to put me in prison

Or do you?


Am I guilty?

Do what you want

Believe what you say

You might think I can no longer go into politics now

But you would be wrong


Are they guilty?

Easy to dig some dirt, republicans are excellent at that

Does it matter what I am saying here?

Letís see how far I can go despite my words

People forget, people donít care


Whoís guilty?

If youíd finally understand that they are worse than I am

Because they donít only think about it, they act upon it

If I was allowed to try and if Iíd care

I would be a very successful Prime Minister or President



Other White


In this politically incorrect world

Iíve got a new label

When applying for a job

Iím not Indian

Iím not African

Iím not Palestinian

Iím not Iraqi

Iím not a spastic

Iím not White, British white that is

Gosh, I guess Iím not red or blue either

I must be White, Other

Thatís it!

I am Other White


It has a nice ring to it, donít you think?

What can I achieve with this?

Can I get a job?

I am allowed to be alive?

Do I have special needs?

Do I fulfil your statistics of non-WASPs requirements?


Could have been worse

I could have been classified

As a first class imbecile

Then I would have definitely got the job


Other White is not good enough

Iím still white

Their quota of aliens is not reached with me

Iím just another plain and boring White guy

Nothing to write home about

Nothing to complain about

Surely I cannot suffer any sort of discrimination?

Thatís what you would think


And now there is that White British guy

Heís running for the elections in my county

He hopes to win in Hounslow

A place filled with aliens, if ever I saw one

He says he will tackle immigration

In other words, heíll try to kick me out of the country

Nice move, my neighbours canít stand aliens taking over

He might win, though I know thereís nothing he can do about immigration

Well, I might as well vote for that Indian guy instead

At least I know he wonít try to get rid of me by tackling immigration


Immigration, such a nice concept

I wonder who invented it

Probably a racist

Well, no racist has ever been so successful


He wonít get my vote

Not that he cares anyway

Not that I care anyway

Other White might as well translate as: Undesirable

And White British who wishes to tackle immigration: the enemy


Letís start the war!



Lady Di is Dead


I got into trouble again at work

I said innocently that Princess Diana was dead

Simple enough, stating a mere fact

What I did not know

Was that the Princess of the People

Is still alive in our heart

Not in mine, I said blandly

Instant crisis, you would have thought I killed the Princess myself


Then I went on, saying that Prince Charles was right to marry Camilla

The poor guy was already in love before they arranged his wedding with Lady Di

Oh dear, I should have shut my mouth

All hell broke loose

What about the poor Diana who was in love and was rejected by the prince?

What about that? I said

You have to be pretty blind and stupid

Not to know the first law of arrange marriages

The first law is that you are allowed to have your mistress or lover on the side

But Lady Di did not know!

What? No one told her?

She never read a bit of history about the British Royal Family?

Has she not seen Dangerous Liaisons?

Was she stupid or what?


At that point I thought I was going to lose my job

Already the gossip was going around the building

I am an insensitive bastard

Who believes the poor Charles suffered enough

And that he should happily marry his girlfriend that everyone hates

How could I see her as a nice and normal person?

When clearly she is a bitch that destroyed a royal marriage?


Well, I never cared for the Pope or Mother Theresa when they died

Iím certainly not going to see Diana as a Saint

Because she visited a few hospitals and a cleared land mine

With an army of journalists on top of it


If she had not been so beautiful

And if Camilla had not been so ugly

It would have been a totally different story

In fact, replace Diana with Camilla

And I bet you would have been happy that Camilla was gone


Lady Di is dead, get over it

Long live Charles and Camilla

And hopefully future King and Queen of the United Kingdom

And if I have to lose my job over this

Then Iíll gladly resigned from Westminster



Who will remember you in 20 years?


Who do you think you are?

Who will remember you in 20 years?

If youíre still alive

No matter how successful you are

No matter how important you think you are

In 20 years you will not even be history

It will be like if you never existed

Thank god!


Not sure if I could live in a world where you would never die

Not sure what I would think of a world

Where in 20 years time

You were still famous

Such a world would not deserve to exist

Just like you donít deserve to be successful

I guess so many millions pumped into the PR machine

And with a bit of luck

Is all you need to get there


Read your negative critics carefully

Cos theyíre right

Youíre an impostor who bought his way to success

You have no talent

You have no personality

Youíre only first page because newspapers donít know what else to talk about

Surely they donít do their job

Or else why would they waste their time on you?


Oh well

Letís just hope that tomorrow

You will be old news

As Iím sure you will be

So drop the pretence



Iím Self-Centred


Me me me

Look at me!

Acknowledge that I exist!

Itís all about me

I want, Iwant, Awwant!


Yes, I am self-centred

I only talk about myself

I want this and that

I am this and that

Who cares?


This book is all about me

All my books are all about me

Why should I talk about you?

Do you deserve it?

Why should I not talk about myself in every single line?

Is there a law written somewhere preventing me from doing so?

Is this annoying you?

I guess I should then speak even more about myself


And yet

I donít feel like I am talking about myself

I donít think I am talking about what I need and want

And I am talking a lot about you

It is just that it is so negative that you think I am not


Have you ever thought that perhaps I was playing with you?

That really you still know nothing about me?

You think you can bring a psycho-analyst in

And he will tell you all my neurosis

I have read many psycho-babble analysis of my work

They were all wrong

And I was being objective, believe me


Is that all you were able to come up with to destroy me?

I am egocentric?

Only me exist in my universe?

Perhaps it is the truth after all

I donít acknowledge anyoneís existence anyway

I am alone in my world that I have created

No one is here over my shoulder telling me what to write

I am always alone here

You only exist from my point of view

From my own frame of reference

Thatís Relativity for you

Here, only me exist


So I guess I am damn right to be self-centred

I am right to be egocentric

You only exist in my imagination

You are puppets that serve a purpose

The purpose of my learning process


I need to push the limits and finally understand

What it is that you are all about

What it is that you are actually doing

In my mind you are nothing and not doing much

Nothing to impress me, thatís for sure

Nothing remarkable about you

Though I admit this world is quite remarkable

Only because I still donít understand anything about it

I see the universe for what it is

For how large relatively speaking it is

In there you are insignificant

And I am so insignificant that I donít see the point in living


Sorry for being egocentric

Iím just trying to figure out what it is that Iím doing here

And when I really look at it

Iím depressed because Iím not doing anything worthwhile

Just like you


Sorry for not turning my beam on you and only speak about you

I guess you just donít deserve it

Or else I would not be so unimpressed

By everything you do and say



Iím worth more than any of you


Yes, I am pretentious

I believe I am more intelligent than you

I think I am better than you

Iím sure I am


I know it is not true

But it sure helps me stay alive

Or else I would just commit suicide

Not even think twice about it


A few beers is all I need to reach that state

Note that nothing here has been written without it


In real life, I am humble

I am stupid

I am useless

You would not recognise me

Iím a poor shadow of my personality here


Evasion is the word

Sorry you have to judge me on that which is not me

I am the most miserable thing that ever lived

The difference is that I can recognise that fact

While Iím pretty sure you believe you are still worth something


We are all meaningless

A life is worth nothing in the eyes of any government

As long as they believe it is good for the masses

I wonder why we try to save that astronaut

When we killed a few millions on the side over the years


You will admit that being miserable and nothing

The only thing that can motivate a man

Is for him to believe that he is worth something

That he is better than the next man

To shit on humanity and think he is the most intelligent person alive

Great therapy


So I am pretentious

I am more intelligent than you

I am worth more than any of you

And you can go and screw yourself



Alien Nation


Weíll all be dead within a few years

It was written in the sky

Every single lunatic predicted it

We will destroy ourselves


How can it be any other way?

Weíve been working at it for years

Everything we do and say

Alienate the whole world


We have forgotten all about diplomacy

For one good reason

Diplomacy never worked

And diplomacy will never work


So what about the sound of my canons?

Or I could just drop a few missiles

And get a few tanks on their way

A nice nuclear bomb with that?


You thought alienation was a problem

We alienate them, they go to war

They alienate us, we go to war

Itís a vicious circle


We alienate them

They freak out

They donít respond to diplomacy

We eradicate them


So they armed themselves, they become terrorists

They kill us, we are even more alienated

So we go there and finish the job

We might as well finish it for real


Life can be so simple sometimes

We just cannot make the right and final decision

That is required to stop the alienation

Just destroy the whole damn humanity!


So we can finally live in peace



Love is an overrated meaningless concept


In all my babble I have forgotten something important

Canít quite put my finger on it

I have it on the tip of my tongueÖ

Of course! Love!


For some weird reason love has never been an inspiring concept to me

I guess I never really found true love

Or if I did, it lasted for such a short amount of time

That it left no impression on me at all


Yet love means everything to this world

97% of all songs and books and films are about love

If love is missing from your art

You might as well kiss your career goodbye


Is there an army of people out there dreaming about love?

A concept so alien to me?

What is it that they feel and live that I am missing?

I feel I have been left out of such an odyssey


I wish I could just demand to feel it

And it would be offered to me on a platter

I wish I could find out what it is that they are talking about

Must be quite something


I know what sex is

Iím already fed up with that concept

But falling in love?

Ready to kill and die for it?


Iím sorry, it goes right over my head

What I observe right now are

Divorces, law suits, whinging kids, money problems

Not exactly love and so-called perfection


Is it possible that love is just a vague idea?

Well past its sell by date?

An invention without meaning

Just for the heck of having something to talk about in art?


Dear me, oh dear

I have missed a boat larger than the one I though Iíd missed

I still know nothing about love

Or anything remotely linked to it


Canít imagine what it is

Must be pretty serious though, frightening actually

If the consequences are any close to the truth

Fasten your seat belt, you might not survive it


Or perhaps love is just an overrated meaningless concept



Iím still a Virgin


How can I be that old and still be a virgin?

I can hear your mind going in overdrive

There must be some deep psychological problem

At the root of this neurosis

Perhaps I was abused when I was young

Perhaps I am dying of jealousy inside because of my perfect sister

Must be something even worse, but what?


Being a virgin today is unconceivable

Though never having found true love

Is quite acceptable, normal actually

Since everyone has just turned into Master Bitches


Iím still a virgin

Iím about to die

Have I missed something important?

Something I needed to experience before I die?

Should I be forced into it so I can find out?

To satisfy your morbid ideas about normality?


I sure need a girlfriend

I certainly need to marry the bitch

Children have to pop out of her vagina

That is the most basic law of nature

From what you have been told by the Pope

Supposedly transmitting the laws of God


Iím still a virgin

I think God would be proud

I believe I should never have sex

Isnít this his message?


The Virgin Mary never had to have sex to have a baby

Jesus, as far as I know, never had sex

They both died virgins

So I should also die a virgin

You should all die virgins

If we become pregnant

Then it has to be the action of God alone


If you ever had sex

You are no longer pure

You need to be executed

You will go straight to hell


Thank God Iím still a virgin!



The Cynicism Paradox


You must be wondering why I am so cynical

I thought that perhaps it was because I have three full time jobs

Could be also the fact that I am in the process of declaring bankruptcy

Could it be that I donít even have a pound to buy a sandwich?

Or that my sex life is completely inexistent?

There is also the fact that I am surrounded by a bunch of ass holes

Iím stuck most of the time in trains or undergrounds going nowhere

Reading so many stupidities in the newspapers everyday does not help

Nothing about me or my life is acceptable to anyone over 50

They have such weird opinions about religions and creation

That sometimes I think we were not born on the same planet

What else I find unbearable in this world

Frustrating me and angering me until I canít think no more

Hypocrisy is everywhere, politicians lie blatantly to get elected

Fashion, media, television, radio, is just about commercials and money

There is not even one song on the radio that I can actually stand

There is not one television programme worth watching

Ah, the publicity, everywhere, must be the worst of all

Contraventions, I am collecting them

There is a policeman or a parking attendant at every 5 metres

You have to pay a fortune just to breathe

What else?

Is it really why I am so cynical?

I donít even think so

I believe I was born that way

There is no cure for me

Pills and drugs have no effect

Alcohol makes me worse by opening my eyes even wider

I wish I could just walk over all of this

Be happy go lucky

Smiling all the time

Find happiness if this is at all possible


The real question

The real mystery

Is not why I am so cynical

It is

Why are you not more cynical yourself?



My neighbours are bunkers


I live in a mini council estate of 12 flats

At B I have a fat old woman who reads 15 newspapers a day

Drinks 5 bottles of wine a day

Whinge all the time about the council policies and bills

At F I have a family of morons

They spend the day cutting my trees and abusing me verbally

They called the police on me

They said I destroyed their car

Weíre still fighting this and it might end up in court

At H there is the fluffy girl

She is completely gone

She says my cats are aliens and she can see their antennas

They radio broadcast messages that only her can hear

She broke everything in her flat, including all the windows

She somehow managed to throw her TV out the window

And blames my cats and me for her long depression

She is also a sex addict

Before her, living there, was that fat woman who could not stand up

Every time she needed to go to the hospital

The firemen had to come and take out the fence

Use a crane to lift her and then forget to replace the fence

At J there were a few refugees from Kosovo

They were four in there always naked

They too managed to destroy everything

Even the whole back wall

To this day we still donít know what happened

At C we now have a couple of lesbians

They seem ok, the only normal neighbours I ever had

But before them

An even weirder couple

Drug addicts

The girl dying of aids

Linked somehow to the worse Mafioso in Italy

They were stealing more and more stuff

Until the whole backyard was filled with crap

After she died

And after the guy did everything to alienate us by lying to everyone

He took his guns and created a panic involving over 100 policemen and other squads

He had grenades and was about to blow up the place

A long night indeed, the police finally fumigated all the flats to get to him

They used a teaser gun on him just before he killed a few of them

My neighbours are bunkers


Makes me wonder if perhaps I am too

Without even being aware

Makes me wonder if perhaps everyone else is too

Without being aware

Thatís it, that explains it

Weíre all bunkers!



Surrounded by Incompetence


Just finished writing half a dozen reports

It went bad, really bad

Turns out I did not have all the right information

I screwed up badly

I have proven how incompetent I am

Tomorrow is my big review meeting about my first six months

After that I am either permanent or out the door

Iím considering wild ideas

To stop thinking about all this

Must look good that I worked all night rewriting my reports

Contradicting everything I said before

Proving that I have no clue what we should do

Canít blame them

Even if it is the incompetence of others that led to my failure

Itís no excuse, I know

Everyone knows that in Westminster

No one is reliable or knows anything

How could have I trusted them?

It would have been better to invent numbers instead

Hide the fact that I screwed up big time

Maybe Iím not cut out for this

Perhaps I am more stupid than I first assessed

Maybe the time has come

To admit that I am not intelligent

That I have no great potential

That I should find a job at my level

Car driver for example

Iím considering it

An offer is on my doorstep

Maybe thatís what I need

A job where thinking is not a requirement

Where I donít depend on anyoneís incompetence

Was easy when I arrived in London

I could not speak the language

I was working on a till in a shop at the airport

Surrounded by what people would call the lower class

And even then, they were more practical and intelligent

Than me or all these others with their diplomas

Worth trusting a system that fails society


The further away you are from Westminster

The more you find intelligent life forms



Blogging things


Iíve been blogging for years

So Iím told this year

Suddenly my blogs are no more interesting

Than the million others out there writing about their uninteresting life

Fair enough


Thatís my last blog

No more after that, I know that now

I was a bit tired anyway

Being the first blogger and all, you know

Iíve been waiting to retire for a long time

Of course I am more than happy to just have an uneventful life

Routine is all Iím asking for, believe me


I need to move into fiction

Science fiction, Iím being told

If I still want to be respected in the next decade

Iím all out of stories now

Robots and brain transplant and all

Parallel universes and time machines

Sure, the next generation always wants more


Thereís no point unless I re-invent science fiction

Unless I re-invent science

Iím quite prepared for that

I have re-invented science actually

Just need a fat pay check to write fiction around it

And time, oh time, I guess I should invent that time machine after all

In the process

Which is feasible with a fat pay check, I suppose

I know where to start

I can do it

A few billions ought to do it

Iím very resourceful

When comes to time to find solutions

To blogging even more


Blogging things has been my life

20,000 pages at least in the last 15 years

And I am not exaggerating here

Pretty good for my miserable existence where nothing happens

Do it then if it is so easy

Do it, write 1000 pages in the next 6 months

If it is so common, that all commoners can do it


Fuck you!

How dare you compare me to a simple blogger?

You canít even write three lines yourself

If you were actually blogging I could at least respect you

But youíre not, youíre nothing


I have more integrity than you give me credit for

I might be a simple blogger

But Iím ďTheĒ Blogger

And Iím proud of it

So shut up and read

You might learn something

You mad diseased cow



Election Day


Iím I registered to vote?


Why should I?

There is no point

Iím not a citizen anyway, so who cares?


I could vote

I could even vote for you

Despite your lack of enthusiasm

Despite your lack of determination

Despite being unable to reach me in any way with your ideas


Iíve heard the East End Boy

Mumbling something about voting for someone

Who apparently will bring down the taxes

Adding quickly that he knows nothing about anything

How sad

I guess telling the people that they wonít pay any more taxes

Still works

Good for you if that gets you elected

We all know it is a lot of bullshit

You liar and opportunistic bitch


You may still win the elections

You wonít deliver, we all know that

Who cares anyway?

Not me, I know better


Simple people still exist, lucky for you

Blind people still exist, lucky for you

They want to be raped, theyíre asking for more

What are you waiting for?

Just take advantage of them

Of their simple minded life

No need for brain in this world

To win an election


With such an uninspired campaign

Lack of convictions of any sort

No idea about what to do to sort these lives out

Letís just continue the way it has always been done

Letís call for committees and reports

And in the end do nothing

Or even worse

Pass a few hundred laws to complicate everyoneís life

Letís do it!

Who will stop you?

Not me, thatís for sure


Thank god Iím not voting

Thank god Iím not taking sides

Thank god I remain innocent

To your crime against humanity



What sort of government would respect the law?


I should not be writing thisÖ


Why should I not be writing this?

Because it is scandalous?

Because you canít bear it?

Because it is just too much for your poor mind?



I should not be writing this

Because I have decided today to stop writing

A bottle of wine and a few beers

Seem to tell me otherwise


All right

I wonít stop writing

As long as it is to denounce things

To denounce you

Your hypocrisy, your lies

People need to be reminded, you know

Thatís in the nature of things

You canít be so corrupt and get away with it

It might take a few years to make everyone understand

But weíre getting there, donít worry

You will pay, donít worry

Even if I have to die in the process

I donít care

You have made this life unliveable anyway

Iím not prepared to be happy under those conditions

I just canít


I should not be writing this

I might be killed

Suffer some sort of accident

Itís no secret that Iím under surveillance

And Iím not being paranoid

What sort of government would not be watching its anarchists?

Even better if they are suicidalÖ

Should be easy to get rid of them, right?

I wish

If I was a martyr it would at least mean something

Iím far from that

Iím even far from being an anarchist

Iím still being listened to

Iím still under surveillance

Even though it is against the law

What sort of government would respect the law?

Or make them as they go along to suit their fancy?

Terrorists is the perfect excuse

To torment nice people like me


You asked for it

Thatís what you get

Turn normal people into revolutionaries

Donít question yourself

You are on the right track

Just ignore the consequences


I should not be writing thisÖ



Warning! My fish has died


My great porcupine fish has died!

Now Iím in a fowl mood

Iím going to denounce everything and everyone

Government, hospitals, taxes, rubbish collection


Thatís just common sense, you understand


Iím so fucking alienated

I just canít think anymore

My dead fish is all I need

To start a crusade

To make sure you lose everything

To get you all killed


I can no longer connect the dots

I canít see what makes my angry

I turn everyone I know to despair

Because my damn fish has died

Thatís common sense these days

When every single simple thing is just too much!

Unrelated problems become the problem of humanity


I canít even sort myself out

My personal problems are taking over

I canít pay my bills

Iím spending too much

Though Iím not spending on anything

Interests, interests on these credit cards and loans!

My income is way under the inflation

I canít see clearly anymore

My rage is destroying everything


You better watch out

Because if my star fish dies

I can assure you

You will all die with it



Iíve reached rock bottom


Iíve reached rock bottom

Just like everyone else on this planet

What a great civilised society we have built here

Something to cherish and be proud of


Depression, anxiety attacks, zombies

Dysfunctional people

Mind tricks, psychological abuse

The world we live in


Welcome! Welcome to the new neuroses


Never thought we could be living a harder life than my ancestors

They were labourers, tree cutters, their garden was their survival

I thought I could not do that and be happy

Now I wonder how happy they would be living the life I lead


Letís face it

The pioneers of the new world had it easy

Compared to us

Who suffer from just about every new mind disease our generation has brought


That we can suddenly be called crazy

That we need some psychological help

And every new pill on the market

Tells a lot about who we are as a society


Mind disease is the new norm

We canít deal with it anymore

Exasperation is the word

Poof! Another disconnected oneÖ

A new diagnosed one every minute


Canít blame management

Canít blame capitalism

Canít blame policies

It must be you then

Taken individually

You are responsible for these neuroses

Yes you! Donít look away


You are making the life of everyone a nightmare

And you donít even realise it

Time for a check up

Some soul searching

And you better come back with a better attitude

You are driving the rest of us mad

And surely you are driving yourself crazy in the process?

If not then you enjoy it, you masochist bastard

And we need to get you out of here

And we will eventually


We will identify you as the problem

Itís a question of time

Once we try to find the problem and the solution

Youíll be the first one to go

Your successful track record speaks for itself



I am now a Satanist



How at first glance

I can look like anything

Even a Satanist

Is it just too much to ask

From any fucking passer by

To pay one second of attention

Enough to understand

That I am not a Satanist?

And what the fuck is a Satanist anyway?

I wonder

I guess there is just no hope

For any desperate person

In this world

Theyíve all been brainwashed

None of them would even raise their head

To look at you in the eye

And understand what you might actually

Be all about

An anarchist

A satanist

A lost one

Thereís no coming back

Iím responsible for my mistakes

Canít make them understand anything

And perhaps it is better this way

Fuck you

Fuck you all!

I donít give a fucking shit about you

Believe what you want

I donít have one more second to lose with you

I am beyond that point

Leave me alone!

I donít care


Just want

To be left alone

(Hey, I sound just like a Michael Jackson song!)



Youíre such a liar


Not sure if I should admire you

Youíre the richest person I have ever met

The richest person in the world in fact

And yet, you pretend to be a nobody

To make it even more convincing

A lesbian nobody

But I know better

And Iím not the only one

You were followed

They know who you really are

Youíll be on the news

Poor you

Iím starting to understand

Still, you could not do anything without looking at me

Did you feel judged?

I am so nobody

Why would you care?

It was nice

For a moment

To feel that power over you

Yet, you could not enjoy yourself

Or did you?

What was more striking was not you

It was your girlfriend

I could have married her you know

She seems to have more to tell than you will ever have

And yet, she will never go anywhere

She will never be recognised

She will never be anything

Just like me

Sometimes though

I can be pretentious

I can feel I am more important than you will ever be

And you certainly did not help

You admired me for my insignificant accomplishments

I felt strong

I felt I was bigger than you will ever be

Forgetting your fortune, of course

She was something

She was more than you




She deserved all my attention

And yet, I know nothing about her

I want to know everything about her!

You are nothing next to her

The world will never know

She was just a decoy

But what a decoyÖ



It will be over faster than making coffee


Thatís all I fucking want!

To be left alone

To write

When Iím fucking inspired!

Thatís all

Thatís all!

Iím not asking for much, am I?

After 10 years

I would have thought you would understand

Come here and give me a kiss

You still donít understand

You say I need to be nice

If you were not so fucking cute

I could ditch you here, right now

But I canít


Youíre certainly nothing special

Youíre certainly the most annoying person

I have ever met

Why is it so difficult to ditch you?

It should be instant

Like making coffee

Youíre history!

Thatís how it should be!


Or else it will be over

Faster than it takes

To make coffee



Tea Time


The weirdest thing

Is you

I still cannot make head or tail

Of what and who you really are

Youíre just so weird!

There isnít another one of you on this planet

Thatís for sure

Yet, this is not why I love you

In fact, I despise you for all that youíre admired for

Impossible to explain why

Is it because I know you better?

Is it because I know you can be a bastard?

Must be

Yet, youíre so innocent

Youíre so stupid

Always had a soft spot for dyslexic people

They are not responsible for what they do

They donít know better

Easy excuse Iím concocting on your behalf

To justify why I love you

Such innocence

Can only be admired

At the cost of a living hell

It looks like Iím ready for a new bail

Another ten years of hell

I must be crazy

Where will we be in ten years?

God only knows



Letís exploit them all


That was me

Ten years ago

I was so cute

I was so presentable

I was everything

I was it

Iím no longer that cute little thing

You could exploit

Youíre exploiting other cute little things now

And I feel so sorry for them

Iím sure theyíll feel bad about it in ten years time

A decade is all you need

To finally understand how everything works

How youíve been manipulated

How youíve been brainwashed

Beyond all their hope

At least I was aware then

Most are not even aware now

They might not even understand ten years later

This is how the world goes

Thereís no hope for anyone

Theyíre all blind as far as they can see

What an opportunity!

Letís seize the moment

And exploit them all



The Master Bitch of Westminster


My Master Bitch

Sheís so cruel

Yet she looks so understanding from the outside

Sheís so human

So many principles,

you just donít know where they come from

So many opinions,

you wonder if sheís not a mistake of nature

And yet, sheís my Line Manager

Overlooking the whole of Westminster

Isnít she lovely?

We all dream of killing her in our sleep

Well I do anyway

She wonít stop at anything

She patiently waits for me to leave

And since Iím not leaving

Sheís doing everything in her power to get rid of me

Itís just not working!

Poor Master Bitch

Iíll still be here after youíre gone

Iíll still be here after your dead

What the fuck am I talking about?

Iíll be the first one out that door

You will still be rotting here

After Iím long gone

Maybe youíll make it as a director one day, bitch

How many lives would you have destroyed by then?

How many people would you have walked all over?

People who just did not share your idea of this world?

Reason enough to get rid of them, isnít it?

I just canít stand so much hypocrisy

Youíre so artificialÖ

You could be a statue in Parliament Square

Youíre my top Master Bitch

Overlooking Westminster

It has been an honour to be your lap dog

I had never met such a master

Top of your league

I curse you

I hope you live to regret it

Master Bitch of Westminster



The most miserable human being on earth


Weíre the new ones on the block

Weíre the commercial minded ones

Weíre the ones supposed to show them

How to make millions

The poor souls have only been able to lose millions for years

I was supposed to work night and day

And I did

I was supposed to forget my family

And I did

I was supposed to make millions

I was to create the biggest storm ever over Westminster

And I sure did

I was to be an example to all those people you sacked

I failed

In the end

I am just like them

It kills you

Iím sorry

No I am not

You fucking bastard

Youíre the one who needs to learn about life

Youíre the one who needs a social life outside of the ODPM

Youíre the one who needs to fucking leave the office

And witness your children grow

Have a fuck once in a while

It might make all the difference

I wonít be part of your plans

You wonít turn me into the most miserable human being

That ever walked the earth

You wonít turn me into you

Youíre too professional for my taste

You poor miserable bastard



Dear me, Iím working with Thatcher herself


No more pity for any of you

You are trying hard to get me sacked

You are recording every single word I am saying

Every single word I have written

You are using all this against me

To paint the worst nightmare Westminster ever saw

Iím not that bad, really

Once you get to know me

Of course you never tried to get to know me

You have those old colonial ideas

Iím Canadian

Iím talking the language of the colonies

Iím not worth much in your eyes

I donít deserve to run myself

I donít deserve to make any decision without your guidance

Like if I give a fucking fuck about what you think

Iíve seen enough corruption around here to write 20 bricks

All best-sellers to be, Iím sure

Thatcher is not dead

She is surviving in all those zombies Iím working with

They have identify me as a problem

Theyíre trying hard, so hard, to erase me

No more of you here are needed

Youíre long past date

Why donít you just accept defeat and die?

Iíll make sure it does happen

I will denounce you all

Iíll show to the world what you really are about

I will come back in few years time

I will walk all over Parliament Square

You will then be long gone

Iíll be the king of the place

My name will resonate through the walls of Westminster

Mark my words

This battle is not over

It is just beginning

Iíll be the one who will bring your downfall



The ODPM has failed again


The ODPM has failed again

Do Wah Diddy Diddy


Full of such incompetent people

It is not surprising

The place is run like a tip

Letís make sure all the pigs have been fed

And that they are all fat

Up to the point of bursting

And letís forget about everything else

They will be ready to eat soon

We will start shipping around November

Just in time for Christmas


The ODPM has failed again

Do Wah Diddy Diddy


Iím not surprised

They think like in the last century

Theyíre only there for prestige and money

None of them ever hoped to make a difference

To change the world

To accomplish anything worthwhile

I would not trust them with my lunch money

Why should you trust them with anything else?


The ODPM has failed again

Do Wah Diddy Diddy


Bad system

Very bad system

Everything needs to be changed

Starting with everyone working at the ODPM

They feel so self important

You would think they were the Prime Minister himself

They think they are the Queen

And unfortunately, they donít get replaced every four years

Youíre always ran by the same useless cunts

None of them deserve to be alive, thatís for sure

I would pass a new law

Obliging the government to exterminate them every once in a while

We would all feel better for it

Things might actually work better for a change

Things might actually happen for a change


The ODPM has failed again

Do Wah Diddy Diddy


We should turn that into a song

Itís a leitmotiv in Westminster

It comes back again and again

No wonder

The ODPM is filled with the most stupid people

You could ever find

Result of our wonderful voting system

That fails the people


The ODPM will fail again and again

Do Wah Diddy Diddy



Youíre corrupt


It will take more than that to get rid of me

I can tell you that now

I have a mission

To destroy you all

And I will

At least I will make you look so ridiculous

That the result will be the same

Never suspected that I could be the one



Denouncing you

You would never have hired me in the first place

Just to say

You never know who you really are dealing with

Make me angry

And theyíll be no mercy

I donít give a shit anymore about any of you

I donít care about losing that job I never wanted

Iím only here to study you

Like a fish in a fish bowl

Iím not impressed by you

Iím not impressed by any of it

In fact you confirmed everything I already thought

Youíre useless

And you hide that fact under such pretence

That just does not suit you

Youíre sad

Youíre ugly

Youíre corrupt


Gosh, where should I start?

Thereís so much to say

I could destroy you all in one hour

The time it takes me to write an article

For The Guardian

And they would probably not publish it

Youíre well protected, thereís no two ways about it

It wonít last

It cannot last

Youíre rotten at the core

Everyone knows

Or am I the only one who knows?

Iíve got to tell everyone

Iíve got to tell the world

Before you get rid of me

Or else, it will look like revenge

But who cares anyway?

Iíll be the one denouncing you all

Youíre corrupt



Iíve gone mad!


Mister and gentlemans

I canít speak the language, no matter

You donít deserve to have authors that speak your language,

they all write crap anyway

None of them would denounce Westminster for a start

Here is a book that will open your mind to the reality of London

It is the biggest black hole Iíve ever seen

A nightmare

So much so that 75,000 professionals leave it every year

They just canít stand the damn place,

and theyíre the only ones who can afford to leave

Or else it would be millions flying away to freedom

If I could, I would leave too, right now

But I canít, Iím stuck here

It has been so for the last 10 years

Iím so full of bullshit it comes out by every pore I have

I canít see any solution

I canít see anyone coming to my rescue

Iím stuck here forever

I need to leave the place!

I need to get out of here!

I need to radically change my life!

I need to leave these brainless people far behind

Tomorrow morning!

Six weeks notice is far too much

Which imbecile will hire me now?

With six weeks notice?

You play your game very well

We are your prisoners

Might be made of gold

In the most significant place on earth

It is still a prison



Another Disciplinary


Every fucking human being is now freaking out

It looks like I have fucked up big time

In reality they all fucked up

It is clear

They did not want it

They did not want any of what you are trying to accomplish

I have been your scapegoat for far too long

They have sabotaged all your projects

That unfortunately became mine

I had to explode at them

They all complained

Now I look like the black sheep

None of them ever had any intention

Of doing their job

So everything is now a failure

And if you wish to see it as my failure

I just need to find a way out

But I canít

I have to stick around in Westminster for much longer

We cannot on demand erase our life

Be destroyed completely

And start anew the next day somewhere else

I have to go through hell

And you too, Iím sure

Better blame me I guess

It makes you look whither than white

We all know whoís to blame

Another disciplinary

Against me

I was just trying to get them to do their job

They were already happy not doing anything

Why should it change? They wonder

I wonder too

Better hire someone as incompetent as them

Iím sure you wonít have any disciplinary to do for a while

But no results either

Let it all crumble to dust!

Let it all be a big waste of money!

Not calculating time


And letís blame me for their incompetence!

Even better

Maybe Iíll just leave and everything will look good

Iíll take all the blame

It wonít happen

It will fail

Iíll be there to explain why

Iíll get you all fired

You fucking bunch of useless people

What can one expect?

Weíre in Parliament Square after all

This is how it has been working

For more than 1000 years



Oh yes, youíre history


Oh yes

I was expecting it

Oh yes

I knew it would happen

Oh yes

It was written in the sky

Oh yes

I was so certain of it, thatís why I took the job

Oh yes

It was so obvious, I knew it before I arrived

Oh yes

I needed to see first hand

Oh yes

I needed to write a few books about it

Oh yes

It is all done and finished now

Oh yes

It will look bad on you, not on me

Oh yes

You have proved my point beyond hope

Oh yes

Youíre not fit to run this country

Oh yes

It is now recorded for posterity

Oh yes

Now I guess you should suffer

Oh yes

Try to justify yourself now, itís too late

Oh yes

Youíre gone

Oh yes

Youíre history



King Henry the Eighth


How I wish all of this

Went way over my head

But it does not

Iím right in the middle of it

I feel for it

After all

My reputation, my credibility

Is on the line

I have to justify that failure

Dear me

One has to be egocentric once in a while

What do I get out of this?


I know it too well

The pressure has been mounting up

I need to escape

If only in ideas

Iíve built myself quite a kingdom

In my mind

Every night Iíve got to get back to it

Wonderful kingdom

Where Iím the master or the servant

Depends on the scenario

Iíve got the most wonderful ancestry

Iím the king

I rule this place

I sort out this terrible environment

Compensating for the damning reality

Where I am nothing

I believe I am a poor little Project Executive

Who could live in Westminster with such a title?

When you read about the great accomplishments

Of King Henry the Eighth?

That was someone of great capacity

Never mind that he killed everything and everyone

Along the way

He was someone who got things done

Who changed everything on a massive scale

And Iím starting to believe

Than thatís the only way

Eradicate all these small people

Remain the master

And get things done

Thatís who I am after work

I am Henry the Eighth

I live in Hampton Court Palace

I kill every single bacterium along the way

I get things done

You want results?

Here they are

You parasite



Darkest Moments, Brightest Successes


Is it possible?

That from your darkest moments

Will come your brightest successes?

Oh I wish I could believe it

I donít

Iím realistic

It just does not work like that

Darkness remains in the shadow

Success never comes

It is a law of nature


Or so it seems

Success is something that only happens to others

Perhaps from people who never experienced darkness

The ones who ever accomplished anything

Are the ones that were there at the time

No need for brightness

They just went down in history by mistake

For being there at the right time

It is a law of nature


Greatness is an illusion

The biggest bastard saw an opportunity at the time

And took it

He brought darkness

It was qualified as brightness

Since no one ever accomplishes anything worthwhile

That accomplishing anything is worth mentioning

And becomes greatness

It is a law of nature



In my darkest moments

I feel I am creating brightness

It is only an illusion

I must be that biggest bastard

Taken this opportunity

To destroy everything

In order to reach some sort of immortality

You do not need to worry

It wonít happen

It is a law of nature


In my darkest moments

I have only succeeded

In reaching darkness

It is a law of nature



Ideas of Greatness


How could have I thought

For one second only

That I was reaching for greatness?

It is so laughable

That I am ashamed of it

My poor little cousin is looking at me

Laughing with me, Iím sure

If not laughing at me

That I could pretend to this title


Iíve been brainwashed

Like so many before me

Like so many after me

We were led to believe that Greatness

Was within our reach

It never was

It is a sad story

It took me only 30 years to understand it

So, let me break it to the new generations

You will never achieve greatness

You will never be anything worthwhile

You can forget your dreams of grandeur

You will only fall flat on your face

What the fuck did you think?

Have you been watching too much Hollywood lately?

Welcome back to reality

There are no more ideas of greatness

You can only hope for less than nothing

Useless to think you will ever be greater than the Earth

You will never

Better start becoming that engineer

Your parents always dreamt for you to be

It is perhaps your only way out



Whereís that damn cancer?


It comes a time when someoneís will find

That he or she is suffering from some sort of cancer

It happens to the best and worst of us

The statistics donít lie

If we can believe them

We will all get it

We might be cured for a while

It might come back

It most certainly will

And take us all in its wave

We have no choice

Thereís no cure for it

And perhaps it is just as well

Who wants to live forever?

Is life not painful enough?

Oh, Iíve been looking for years

For where that damn cancer was hiding

Iíve never found it

Neither my doctors

Iím too young I guess

Isnít this just unfair?

Whereís my damn cancer?

Iíve got a right to it!

If statistics are not lying

And we have no reason to believe that they do

Where the fuck is it?

I have lived long enough!

I have denounced you all long enough!

Thousands would be pleased to see me go!

Where is my cancer?

I deserve it!

I want it!

I have a right to it!

I have done everything I had to do

Just like everybody else

I have breathe that air

I have been smoking none stop for ten years

I have been living in the most polluted city in the world!

What is it that someone needs to do

To get that cancer?

Iím out of solutions

I just canít get that thing

I feel left out

Life can be so unfair sometimes!



Bombs under London


What a bunch of incapable terrorists

Four bombs at least

And not one of them capable of reaching me

To tell you how disappointed I am

Would be an understatement

I did not feel a thing

I did not even know it was happening

I got the rest of the day off

And the next day

Which I had off anyway with or without the bombs

Great timing!

Well, it was not totally useless

I have, after all, been the star of the event

I have been talking on the news in Canada

Coast to coast

They needed someone speaking French

Who knew his way around London

They distorted everything I said

So much so, you would have thought I saw the bombs explode

And that I witness the blood everywhere

That I was that close to die!

And they certainly did not miss interviewing my mother

Crying all over Canada because she thought I was dead

I only wish

Oh well, at least now, they know I exist

Like if I care

Life is so boring

This is the only thing that could really

Change my life

And at the moment I need that so badly

That only suicide would do it

I still have my appraisal on Tuesday

Nothing will change that

No impact whatsoever

And they call that being at war?

What a bunch of incapable terrorists!


Do you think Londoners will leave London now?


I sure hope so

I would be damn pleased to be able to move around every day

Without the 12 million others

Hovering over me

However I'm afraid

That a few bombs won't convince

Any Londoner to give up its 3 million pounds home

To go and breathe the fresh air everywhere else

They are more likely to leave because of

The stress

The overtime

The psychological games of their direct Managers or Directors

The terrible transport system

That makes the life of everyone a real misery

And the fact that no Londoner

Will ever smile back at you

They are more likely to tell you to fuck off if anything

That is why none of us can stand London

Not because of bombs or terrorists

That, we can deal with



More security in London, are you joking?


I work in Westminster

Where there are always at least 10 policemen

In my field of vision

I can't get the car anymore without getting a ticket

Passing on a yellow light does not forgive

Do it three times in a day

And you're banned for life

Don't spit your chewing gum

Don't throw that cigarette away

Instant prison sentence

Going at 32 miles an hour in a 30 zone

Is punishable by death

You want more security?

None of the 100 policemen in Parliament Square

Would have the first clue about how to stop terrorism

Or even spot the first signs of it

They are totally clueless

We can only expect them

To give us tickets for whatever stupid reason

And make our life a terrible living hell

More security does not prevent terrorism

It guarantees us being arrested

And be punished for no good reason

Have more security and policemen in your own garden if you wish

But keep them off London's streets!



Brixton, the Pulse of the Nation


Nothing comes to mind now

Brixton Academy

Nine Inch Nails

Full of ideas


Now Iím empty

Couldnít denounce a thing

What happened?

Was it not sufficient to suffer so much today?

It was an oven everywhere I went

That is usually enough to bring you to the brink

Of Brixton anyhow


I was so full of it!

Motivated like you would not believe!

Have I not got enough to denounce?

A few bombs and now no more freedom or liberties?

No more privacy and rights?

No one cares, why should I?

What we are losing now

Will be forgotten tomorrow

No one gives a shit

Why do I?

It is a damn good question

Why should I fight for you?

You useless people who do not give a shit anyhow?

Because you donít

You witness it

And yet you donít care

You agree

A few bombs is all you need

To convert you to the biggest sheep

The world has ever seen

So be it then

I donít give a shit either

Let it all go away

All that you have been fighting for, for so long

We do not need rights

We do not need freedom

There is always someone with you

At all time

Is this not reassuring?

Until you deviate slightly, that is

Then you will understand

Then you will lose everything

There will be no hiding

Finished, you are finished

This is what you have been asking for

You did not realise it

Fuck you

Blind one day

Blind forever

Iím done fighting for you

Get that Big Brother state you always wanted

No bomb will ever explode

But youíll end up in prison for sure

We will all do

No one will be spared

A few bombs is all they needed

To change all the laws

The Big Brother state has come into our lives

We will all be guilty of something

And no one cares

So be it

Iím getting out of here

Because this is more frightening than the bombs

Iím telling you

And one day you will understand

But it will be too late



Iím not proud


Iím not proud

Of being a human being now

I donít think I ever was anyway

But now I have a damn good reason

While all my fellow citizens are losing their mind


Iím not proud!

Iím not proud of any of you

You have given up

To the terrorists

You have given everything you had

You are asking for less

Standards have gone out the window

You deserve what is coming

This is a governmentís dream

And you let it happen


Iím not proud

Of the human race

Of what we have achieved

Of where we are going


Who could be proud?

No one

We do not deserve to become great


Iím not proud

Iím not proud of you

You appear to have no intelligence

You cannot see beyond the next hill

You cannot see what is coming

You are doomed

And yet you donít care


Iím not proud

Of being who I am

Because I cannot make a difference

I cannot tell you

I cannot change anything

I witness it

And thatís it

That is why I can only say

You deserve what you have


Iím not proud of what we have become

And neither should you



The Corporation


My god, how easy it is to influence me

How easy I can be brainwashed

That watching one documentary

I have already sold my soul


Kill the corporations

Since they are entity not respecting the law and democracy

Kill these companies

Since they are irreversibly polluting the environment


And then, oh dear

Iím right in the middle of Parliament Square

I can actually influence things

My next conference will be about sustainability


Pass me the bucket

The large one

I need to puke all that I have inside

Not sure if there are enough buckets around here


What I really need to do

Is find a corner of the planet

Not yet identified as exploitable

And retire there


Iím hoping to die

Before this piece of land becomes a target

Exploitation until thereís nothing left

They do need to make a few bucks out of everything


Iíll just pay, pay till death

Iím not allowed to have children

So no problems left to the next generations in my case



I just need to survive, you know

I just need peace, you know

I just need one remaining green corner

Clean of corporations and governments


This is too much to ask today

Corruption is everywhere

The last grand-ma has fallen down

How can I hope to make this life achievement dream a reality?



Am I just fast food?


I write poetry like Iím talking

Good medium to denounce things

To say what I think

In the end

This is not immortal stuff

It is not grandiose

I could write that kind of stuff

I did

I know how, Iím capable

Didnít go anywhere

Not too worried about my life achievement award

After my death

What I might be remembered for

Took me a stupid video game

To throw my life

Into full existential crisis mode

Typical me

Should I not be writing to the gods?

Should I not be only mentioning immortal things?

Esoteric stuff?

I know, I know

Mystical philosophies

The darker side

Impossible to understand

1000 years from now

You would still be debating

What it is that I was trying to say



I donít have the time

I donít have the resources

I donít have the backup

Iím sorry

Only fast food is available

In the here and now

It is a sign of the times



An insignificant sheep lost amongst the billions



I canít make any difference

I cannot change anything

Letís face it

You bastard

You make belief

No one can change anything

We cannot change one thing

Takes forever

Takes billions

Cannot rally the people

And when we do

By an extraordinary set of circumstances

It makes no difference

The government still do what it wants

The corporations still do what they want

I should be talking about luv instead

I would stand more chance to reach

A few lost sheep

About to commit suicide

Over their first ever experience

About luv

Much more important than

Political ideologies

Saving the world

Greener places to breathe

There are enough squares in London

Everywhere a German bomb fell in fact

There are more trees

Than I have minutes to live

What are we fighting for exactly?

A few whales and a few seals?

I donít give a shit

I am just an insignificant sheep

Lost in billions

My words are not going anywhere

Iím not following the right path

I should be writing for big newspapers

Read everything there is to read about one subject

And contribute to that subject till death

I would quickly become an authority on the subject

Even if I cannot choose anything I feel is important enough

What would I be talking about?

What would I be inventing?


A monster?

Sure enough

Frightening people

About where their life is going

In the dumpster

Iím sure they already know

Iím sure they feel as powerless as I am

Let it happen

Letís cry afterwards

It is sad

When weíre just

One lost sheep

Amongst billions



I am in turmoil


How one single e-mail

Received amongst the 5000 I receive every day

Can send me in complete turmoil

Change your whole way of life

The whole way you thought

How everything was working

Suddenly life is not what you thought

You have confirmation

That you were not paranoid

A complete nut case

Dear me, I could have been right!

I could be right

There is always someone around the corner

That has more experience than you

Who saw further down the line

Who knows more than you could ever had

Learn on your own

Je suis dťtraquť

Iím in turmoil!

Could I have been wrong?

All those years?

Believing stuff that were pure bollocks?

Basing my whole life on hypothesis?

Making decisions wrongly?

I have been a fool!

How could have I believed all that crap?

How could have I wasted so many years?

It will change

From now on

No more idiocies

I wonít believe anything anymore

Life is what you make it

Your destiny, is what you make of it

You are more in control than you think

In fact, you control up to the last detail

Of everything that is happening

And that you get to learn about

And you can make it even larger

You can learn more and influence more

Iím no longer in turmoil

I will change my universe

And I will change the universe with it

It is within my powers

Just like it is within yours

The misery I have seen

I have let it happen

I wanted it

Or else it would not exist

It was my decision then

It will no longer be my decision


Here we come!



My God! Iím a force of nature!


Funny how small one can feel

How useless

And paranoidÖ

And then I read my CV

My God! Iím a force of nature!

Really, I have done all that?

Are you sure this is not someone else

Lost on a different timeline?

Wonderful how we can turn

Our small achievements

Into top notch bollocks!

First class breed

I am something

I am someone

I am so powerful

I have all the contacts you will ever need

I have done the impossible

Barely unbelievable

And yet

I have not done enough

I have not done what really needed to be done

I have not achieved anything that really mattered

I sometimes feel the need to touch myself

Feel if I still have a dick

Wanking at least once a day

You would think I had one

With big balls

I sometimes wonder

It is never enough for my taste

Never enough for my highest standards

I have not yet escaped this solar system

I still have a lot of work to do

Then I will truly be a force of nature

And Iíll get there

Just watch me!



Imprisoned for treason



I read the newspapers this morning


I have a read the new line of the government

Against terrorism

Sounds like Hitler

It is Hitlerís stuff

Thank God we had Hitler

As a bad example of what not do to

To point it to the governments

To identify clearly what they have become

It burned me to the bone

I havenít said much

It is enough

I will be charged with treason

It is worse than being a communist 40 years ago


For the first time

I thought

I need to censor myself

I need to delete my texts

I need to make them forget I even wrote them

There is no more freedom of thought

Freedom of speech

All gone with the last bomb

That did not even kill anyone

It was design to frighten the people

It only resulted in frightening the government

I was not afraid

Even when the bombs were going off

I am now very afraid

Of the policemen

Of the government

Of losing my freedom

Of losing everything

And tonight

Being drunk

I thought

I wonít delete anything

Let them prosecute me

Let them imprison me for treason

Let them do whatever they want

Letís make a point

Even if I die in the end

This is more important than anything

Our freedom

They will be judged badly in time

I hope they realise that now

Before I pay the price

I feel secure

I feel I am right

I wonít stop

On the account

Of a frightened government

If a few bombs is all they needed

To turn themselves into monsters

Then we have bigger problems

Than terrorism

It needs to be dealt with

And I will willingly

Give my life for the cause

See ya people!

I will go to prison for your freedom

Hope you remember it one day



I want to be God!


What am I doing here?

Oh God, I donít know

I must be lost

God help me!

This is sin city

This is too much

For my poor soul

Iím trying

Iím trying very hard

To remain pure and simple

I must be the most complicated

Human being on the planet

I must be the most impure

Human being on the planet

I am awaiting salvation

Here is my confession

I have lied

I have stolen

I have done much worse

Believe me

Is there no salvation for me?

Iím condemned

To walk around for eternity

Looking for my way out

Nowhere to be found

Repeating the same things

Over and over again

Iím the ghost of destiny

God, please help me

To get out of this nightmare

I never wanted it

I never thought this is where I would be

I was not thinking

I drank myself to death every night

Just to forget

Just to forget to sin

I guess in the end

It is just not possible

To not sin

I guess in the end

It is just not possible

To be as perfect as you are

I guess in the end

It is just not possible

To be God



Geniuses are killed before theyíre born