Roland Michel Tremblay















This is not Black Poetry

It is Out of this World



44E The Grove, Isleworth, Middlesex, London, TW7 4JF, UK

Tel/Fax +44 (0)20 8847 5586, Mobile: +44 (0)794 127 1010



rm@themarginal.com††† www.themarginal.com












Oh Why am I dead?

China, you are mine!

There is something frightening about a Bride's Smile

The Auction of God

God my darling

Travel in Time

I will make it happen

I am out of this world

I am Copyrighted

I am suicidal again

I Wish I could be More Fucked Up these Days

Oh God, I am lost

There is no Point

This one will last beyond my death

Mummy is deranged

I Have Convinced Myself that I am the Best

Critics will eat themselves

I've Got Big Breasts

No sex please, I am British

Oh Paris!

Nothing will stop me now

I need more brainwashing sessions

Today's Test of Time

We are living on a computer chip

Now I know where you live

Only through extremes you understand

What would you like to be later in life?

What would you like for Christmas?

Have you lost Faith in Destiny?

God forbid

Presque vu

Sorry for using you, you deserve it

The well of wishful thinking

The Chauffeur

Oh please let me be happy again!

History has got nothing to do with you

Madonna, provocative?

This world will change!

Marginalized multi-media artist from New York

Oh God! Donít make me leave London!

Let my mind come out!

Iím a Texan Girl!

Where am I?

I never want to go to bed again

Stuck in a Time Loop

In the Void

I am being raped

Whatís hot today that will be dead tomorrow

I now believe in God

Iím Dying!

I am Michael Jackson

Are you convinced that I am mad now?

A Psychologist you say? Oh shitÖ

I never felt so powerful!

Dťjŗ Vu

I donít believe

Everyone needs to start somewhere

Iím about to become Global

I am out of this world II

Thatís it, I will commit suicide, I had enough

Iím Dead!

Never been so low

Just eat my dick!

Towards the Green Fields

Lying your way to success

Art is officially dead!


Test your friends and family!

Drunk in America

I want to vibrate at a higher frequency

And what about this higher state of consciousness?

I must have a Guardian Angel

My complex of superiority

Irony is lost on everyone






Oh Why am I dead?



I have lost the will to live a long time ago

I thought succeeding socially would help me

I was so wrong

I guess I knew nothing could be big enough to make me forget

That I was never alive

Perhaps it is because I never really was

Like anything else on this planet

I know there is something beneath everything

Something else that we will never know about

Unfortunately we will never know about it

This game has gone on long enough

I refuse to continue being this lab rat

To satisfy the whims of God

I refuse to be dead any longer

I am going to live

I will built life

It will look like nothing you have ever seen

But it will be real

Oh, why am I dead?






China, you are mine!



I want to leave everything behind

I want to announce that I am leaving for China tomorrow morning

I donít care about visa and working permit

I am leaving

The farthest point on this planet, perhaps not far enough

But I cannot yet leave the solar system

China will do

Does our love ones will understand?

Will they try to stop me?

Declaring me unfit for living?

With reasonÖ

Donít the Chinese need someone able to speak many languages except Chinese?

I might end up in a call centre

Answering stupid people incapable to understand how Windows works

I might have to do this day after day

Press the power button

And get lost in there

But I will be in China

Observing and Judging and Criticizing

Till death

Anything as long as I forget who I am and where I am

Anything to forget reality

Will China be enough? God knows

I need to get out of here!

I need to change my life!

I need to not be thinking anymore!

I need nothing anymore!

China, you are mine!






There is something frightening about a Bride's Smile



A Bride's Smile


Something unnatural

Something sending shivers down my spine

Something you see in a killer's face


A Bride's Smile


Shines like a clean sink

Smells like a garbage can

Haunts you forever and ever


A Bride's Smile


Is madness

Is illogical

Is insane


A Bride's Smile


Always deep hidden interests

Always some illogical emotional reasons

Always revolting


A Bride's Smile


Is all you get on her most memorable day

Is all you get for making the biggest mistake of your life

Is all you get for a moment of insanity before hell starts


A Bride's SmileÖ


Is a wonderful thing!







The Auction of God



For the first auction today

Something unique

Something white

Something that will create ripples into your life

(no, no, I am not talking about a dildo)

One Virgin Mary to go!

We will start the auction at 1 dollar


What do you mean this is not unique?

Millions of companies worldwide are producing Virgin Mary in series?

They are now worthless?



Ok, second auction then

Something new

Something you will love to despise

Something you will like to torture

(no, no, I am not talking about a sadomasochist partner)

One Judas to go!

We will start the auction at 1 dollar


What do you mean this is not new?

Seven billions of Judas inhabits this planet?

They are now worthless?



Ok, final auction then

Something frightening

Something almost invisible

Something that will complicate your life to death

(no, no, I am not talking about a condom)

One God to go!

We will start the auction at 2 dollars


What do you mean I am not frightening?

Too many gods on this planet? Too many lies? No more believers?

I am now worthless?









God my darling



How nice it is to be on top of the world again

Knowing everything there is to know about everything

Did you know you could know beyond the horizon

All the things you used to know

All thrown out the window

Oh dear

There is always another way to see things

To interpret reality

Oh god knows if without it I would not be alive

To talk about it without talking about it


God my darling


So many songs could motivate you tonight

So many people that could electrify you

And you are thinking of death

Smoking cigarettes until you spit blood

Drinking until you cannot see anymore

Did you have dreams?

Did you think you could change the world?

I do

I have the most wonderful dreams

I am changing the world

I am

Though I do not think anymore

Of wonders and peace and infinities

The horse has spoken

Destroyed my ideals

No matter

What good are ideals when you have the dream?

I won't sleep tonight

I will be awake and talking about what matters most

To drive you crazy


I will open your eyes

I will open your eyes to the real world

Being the driving force behind a nation

Thinking of new ways to be immortal

Deepest sights and glories

I'll show you, make you understand

That you do not see and do not understand

My deepest thoughts

Frightening views of the underworld

What is happening to this world without your knowledge

Isn't that great


Oh God my darling


You will see tonight what motivates a man

To continue in this world

Cos' it is to us to build it

Oh God, don't let me down






Travel in Time



You are petty

In everything you do and everything you say

Did you know that?

There is no way out of this place

The doors are leading right back in


Travel in Time

Not petty things, as I have seen

I have found the way

I am there in your past

Right there in your path

Silly people who do not experience dťjŗ vu

So many stories about life and death

Have not foreseen it

The power of vibrations

The power of gravity

The power of one infamous equation


I told you so

I knew I could do it

Now, what will I do with it?

You will never know






I will make it happen



Take this in, take this out


I am touching beyond what was conceivable

I can do it

I can do anything

I am Einstein today

I am Newton today

I can reach out

Who would have thought that I could get there

That I could understand the whole picture

Narcissism, oh yeah

And betrayal is just around the corner

I can feel it

You have never existed

My words are reaching out

In the worst possible manner

You would have never suspected

I can write history

I can change history

I have that power beyond your own channels

There is always a way around things

Around bastards

Around bitches

Around you

Just had to fly over it all

To find the ways to get through you

I will impose myself

Impose my ideas to the world

And all I need is a proof

Proof, unbearable destroyer of this world

I am not talking apparently

They are talking for me

Does not matter who talks

As long as I am reaching out

As long as I am getting there

Controlling the faith of this world

I don't need to speak anymore

So many speak for me

They say what I wanted to say

What I wanted to denounced

The public polls are talking

This world will change

Beyond your wildest dreams

I will make it happen






I am out of this world




Vast wasteland in front of you all

All you were ever able to produce and protect till death

It contains your life story

Your information in the making

DNA lost and lost and lost in and around

Like a slinky going through the heavens

The snakes walking in the spiral of your downfall

3D world for 2D people in a 1D thinking process

Oh shit, have I said too much for your poor mind?

You don't see

You don't understand

Because I don't want you to

I am killing myself over you

I am killing myself for you

I am the person who will shoot you for what you represent

I am the Anarchist of your destiny

Your useless destiny

I don't need my 15 minutes of fame

To communicate that to you in a way that will never reach you

It is exploding in your face

You have never tried

To see beyond matter

Foolish destiny

You do not have the freedom of decision

You never had

Where you are now and where you are going was not written

It is happening and will happen without your consent, without your decisions

It had to be, there is no other way

Where you are going now is computable

It obeys mathematical equations and there is no freedom of thought

Even I cannot free myself from Physics

Why bother then? God only knows

How sad must it be to know that we had no other choice than be stupid

Obeying some sort of laws of irrationality beyond comprehension

Cannot commit suicide because there is no other way

Cannot be intelligent because there is no other way

You follow your own course, you cannot deviate

You do not choose

You do not really think

It was predetermined by nobody

That nobody that has the last laugh though it serves no purpose

Philosophy was going to happen one day

It was nice to think it meant something

Obviously it never meant anything

How else would you know exactly what will happen tomorrow?

There is no free will in this world

It is a pointless world

Can't commit suicide, it was not written in the stars







I am Copyrighted



Have you heard that song? I cannot mention the name here

Have you seen that movie? I cannot tell you the title here

Have you ever wondered about this author? I cannot tell you his name here

I have seen the "censored" in the "censored" in "censored" today


Do you know my name? It will cost you a million to mention it

Have you heard my words? It will cost you 7 millions to print them

Have you talked with my publisher or my agent? No? You should talk to my lawyer then

I am the "censored" who did "censored" in "censored" a few years ago


I used to have a brain, you know

I was innocent and naive then

I thought the world meant something

I realize now that it is only capitalism and copyrights


I am walking on the "censored" today

I am flying in the "censored" today

I wanted to "censored" today

I might just "censored"







Note: please talk to my agent, my publisher or my lawyer

if you wish to know what I am talking about here






I am suicidal again



Oh Dear

Oh Dear

Oh Dear


I am suicidal again


Oh God

Oh God

Oh God


I am suicidal again


Oh My

Oh My

Oh My


I am suicidal again


God help Me!









I Wish I could be More Fucked Up these Days



I was fucked up

I am still but I donít feel it

I believe I donít feel anything anymore

I pretend to be interested in life

I pretend to be interested in the life of others

But I am no more

I am dead

I have always been dead

Is it because I believe in something else?

Something beyond our lives?

I wish I could say that

But I donít believe in something beyond anything

I donít even believe in the anything

I am brain dead, I am not here, I never was

Where the fuck am I then?

God only knows

Another way to say that no one knows

Since we last spoke

I became a monster

Not only that

I am trying to find a way to become an even bigger monster

I have lost touch with reality

Not that I ever touched base with reality

I turn and I turn and I turn

Millions of projects in my head at any given time

I see them all already reality, in my head

And I wonder, which ones should I pursue if not all

No time left, sorry, none will ever see the light of day

Perhaps it is better this way

You said I was a genius

Yes, and you are not the first one to say so, I have said it myself

I wish I could believe it, I want to believe it

I know this is not true

If I had revolutionize life as we see it, I would believe it

If I was responsible for questioning our whole existence once again, I would believe it

Life is so empty, I donít feel anything

Are geniuses so empty?

I believe it






Oh God, I am lost



What did I do today?


I am lost

Thinking about everything and nothing

I wish I could do

I wish I could do everything

I see opportunities


There is more future thinking about suicide

Another offer


There is more future thinking about suicide

Leave me alone!

Leave me alone to rot here!

That is what I want



Wanting to die here alone

I serve no purpose

I donít exist

What more do you want?

Me doing this and that

You doing this and that



And the world will turn correctly on its axis tonight

Revolutionary ideas

Revolutionary life

Revolutionary thinking

All dead in the gutter

Criticized to death

No new ideas today

No new anything today

Oh God, I am lost!






There is no Point



There is no point in anything

I am out of this world

I donít exist here

What do you expect?

Richness and wonders?

La huitiŤme merveille du monde?

La fin du monde?

I have been expecting it

Takes too long to happen

Nothing contents me

Nothing makes me happy

Distractions, wellÖ

They donít last

Happy world

Pink World

Everything is nice and expected

I need more

I need much more

More than you could ever provide

I need to get out of here

Out of this universe

To understand everything

But I already do

I am out of here

I live somewhere else

I understand everything

There is nothing to understand

I am a program

That cannot see beyond the programming

And when I catch a glimpse

I see that there is no point in going any further

Being out of ones mind

Out of this world

And see what is out there

And it is the same

The same shit

At another level

Big deal

Is there a point to all this?

Perhaps if I die tonight I might find out






This one will last beyond my death



As soon as we are born we are dying

The cells are multiplying and multiplying

They make us bigger and bigger and more disgusting

Until they multiply no more

Skin falls apart, brain cells die

Until, that is, they plug us into a computer

We may never die after all

What great news

And why would I want to live beyond my time?

God knows

It is him/her/it after all that has a plan

A big plan for humanity

A chain of events that gives everything a purpose

We may be only elements in a chain of events

We are still necessary to the destiny

It does not help if I am afraid of talking

Afraid of acting

I have a legend to construct

A destiny to build

Even though this is not my making

My thinking

I do not have the choice in the matter

I follow a path laid out there for me

What is the purpose?

To understand my choices?

Why I have acted like this on this day?

What would the why change?


Oh God, I may be missing the point

Perhaps if it had been made clearer I would not be there now

Questioning everything and the point of it

Fuck the Bible

It does not say much

It does not say anything about the important things

The importance of destiny

Knowing the future with certainty

Changes everything

We have no choice, just the illusion of it

How can we see beyond everything

It is not possible as it is not part of our destiny

We cannot see beyond

We cannot even see beyond Theoretical Physics

We cannot even calculate where I will be in one second

Though it is possible to know

To know everything that is, was and will be

This thought is depressing

As soon as we know where I will be in one second

Then we know there is no reason for living anymore

We know what will happen

What is the purpose of living in the present?


The big picture will perhaps make sense

But we may never see it






Mummy is deranged



Mummy is here, dear

So much love to give

So much love to desire

So much affection that I need

Where are you going?

Donít you want to give mummy a kiss?

A kiss, the point of this whole world

I give birth

I take you in my arms

Because I love you

I desire you

I squeeze you to death

You are mine to do as I please

Dress you as I please

Feed you when I please

As long as you do as I say


Mummy is here, dear

Donít you love mummy?

Donít you need affection from mummy?

Donít you want to prove to mummy that you are worth something?

That you serve a purpose?

That you deserve to live?

Donít you want to squeeze mummy to death?

I am why you exist you know

I am the world to you

I deserve something in return

Mummy deserves everything!

I deserve the world!

Bring me the world!

Become something worthy of Jesus

Worthy of God!

I want you to be a God!


Mummy is here, dear

I know, you are a spastic

You canít do anything right

You are the biggest failure of all

I have accepted it now

You are in my image I guess

It is my entire fault

I should have breast feed you

I should have given you a good kick in the ass

I should have locked you away

I should haveÖ I should haveÖ

Make you fly over it all

Tell you the truth

Make you understand better

Done all you homework for you

Make you what I wanted you to be



Mummy is here, dear

Not for long Iím afraid

Mummy is dying

You are nothing

It kills me

Iím still proud

For whatever reason

You are my only creation after all

My bit of history, my continuation

Even though you are nothing

And never will be

Oh dear!

Where did I fail you?

What has gone wrong?

You useless piece of shit?


Mummy is no longer here, dear

Do what you want with your life

It has nothing to do with me anymore

Perhaps it never did

You are not mine

I have never known you

I disown you

You can die for all I care

And donít expect to see me in heaven

You will go straight to hell

I blame myself

Why have you got a mind of your own?

You were not supposed to

You were supposed to do as I wish

What was good for you and me

What was good

Oh dear, it is all my fault

If only I did this or that

If only this did not happen

If onlyÖ

You were never born






I Have Convinced Myself that I am the Best



Funny that when you lie all the time

You end up believing your lies

Isn't that great when the whole world is turning around the right way

Every day!!!


I have written my own Bible, the greatest body of work ever

It speaks volume and it will forever

I can die now, I should die now

As I have done everything I set myself to do and more

As I am the best next thing, the best thing ever to be born from a cow


I have convinced myself that I was the best

In order to prevent my suicide

And now I believe it and I am still alive


I only realize that when I am drunk

That is when I am alive

And when I am drunk I feel dead


It is a wonderful life, the one of a lazy insect

Incapable of doing anything

Of thinking of anything revolutionary


As I wanted to change the life of everyone

To bring our standards up a bit

So we are no longer cows and insects


I failed miserably

Cows don't talk and insects don't think


So there is no hope for humanity

There will never be a future for humanity

I won't change anything

I am not the best


I should be killed for my failure

And you with me for your failure

God is right not to talk to us

Perhaps in a thousand years we will be worth talking to


In the meantime, I am the best next thing






Critics will eat themselves



How can you judge someone who does not give a damn?

I never pretended that I was giving something worth your critics


I was only criticizing the world

And you wish to critic my critics?

How nice

Perhaps you would like to tell us about the world then


Do you have a life?

High expectations that are never met and cannot be met?

That is what I thought

Is your life as miserable as mine?

That is what I thought


Wonders is this life filled with

Cries is this world full of

Despair is your existence

Insignificance is all over and over and over


Meaningless is the word

Illogical is the term

What is there left?







I've Got Big Breasts



I've got big breasts

And I am thin

Give me a call


All night




Only 599

0800 number



Is this all you are about?

Is this all you are?




I've got big breasts

Only 599

Give me a call






No sex please, I am British



How did these old photos found their way into the mainstream?

I would love to think

That I am losing myself in the old things and ways

I love Sherlock Holmes for God's sake!

I speak the old English ways

I am living the old English ways

I am barely watching what is new

And there I am

Front page everywhere

Another nude of me


How did these old articles found their way into the mainstream?

I would love to think that I was past date

That what I was doing now was all that existed

I love Dr Who for God's sake!

I am living the British way

I am living on the no sex please we are British

I am barely aware of what Madonna does

And there I am

Front page everywhere

Another damning article about me


How did these gossips found their way into the mainstream?

I would love to think that I was of no interest

I love the Queen for God's sake!

I speak the perfect Royal way

I am living the life of a Saint

I am barely surfing the porno websites

And there I am

Front page everywhere

Another gossip about me


I guess I never asked for it

I guess I secretly never wanted this to happen

I guess there is no bad publicity


Come on then

Here is another nude of me

Here is another old article about me

Here is a juicy gossip about me

Oh dear


Only the construction counts in the end

Only the icon status counts in the end

If you remember my name

I will have succeeded

I am the worst thing that has ever happened

And I like it!






Oh Paris!



Oh Paris!

Pont des Arts

You are everything that I wish

You are what will break the mould

As long as I continue

You are mine


Dreams, dreams

Oh Paris

I always wanted you

Secretly I long for you

The day I will enter as the King

I will have conquered you


How many classics have you produced?

Is there a place there for another one?

Oh yes

I just wish I won't have to wait for my death

You will hear my name

Though I do not speak your language anymore


They hear me in South America

They hear me in Africa

They hear me in Japan

You will hear me one day


After all you are my first and last port

Paris, Gare de Lyon

Paris, Gare du Nord

Paris, Charles de Gaulle

The Parvys of Nostre-Dame

After all everything I say comes out from you first

And reaches out to the masses



You will hear my name

One dayÖ






Nothing will stop me now



Except capitalism

It will kill me


I managed to get myself 10 credit cards

I am laughing now but I won't eventually

The banks will have the last laugh

But they won't see a penny of their money

So I guess, wherever I will be then

I will have the last laugh


It was worth it

Every single penny

This is why you are reading this now

10 credit cards and a few loans were necessary

I hope you enjoy it

I guess you don't

You can fuck off

As long as I enjoy it



Party all year long

Yeah eh!

Hi ha!

Time for another credit card!

Do you want to see how far the rabbit hole goes?

It is infiniteÖ






I need more brainwashing sessions



I guess I have not watched enough moral soap

Oh, perhaps I have not paid attention to the latest political discourse

No doubt I was not listening in class when they told me what I was supposed to do and be

I suppose that if it was up to you

You would bring me back for more brainwashing sessions

I obviously need more reprogramming as I do not fit in

Thinking differently is not permissible, it never was

It is now tolerated and imposed by law on some moral ethical ground

Because without freedom of thought there is no democracy

And we are living in a democracy, aren't we?

Not sure why it does not pay to be different

Not sure why we all need to be identical

And think exactly the same way

I don't even see the advantages of such conformism

Must be the fault of my parents

Let's blame music and movies

Violence on TV

The lost of respect

The old ways gone to hell

Religion not being central to my life

A life without a god or fatalism

Oh sure, I would be much happier if I did believe in god and the religion crap

I would be blind and ignorant

Well, I prefer to be aware and see

Even if that makes me sad

As I see the world for what it really is

Not a Walt Disney movie, that's for sure

Where everything is perfect and happy go lucky

Let's not talk about prostitution or death

Drugs or pedophiles

Let's talk about Jesus

The machine failed with me

I definitely need more brainwashing sessions

And some reprogramming

And then there will be no story to tell






Today's Test of Time



Who was the 305th President of America?

What is the island just beside Easter Island?

What is the name of the sixth continent?

Who wrote Jesus Sucks Big Time?

I think you are going to fail this test

Perhaps it is because I did not tell you what to study exactly

Given you a nice 3 pages of history for you to read before the test

The thing is, my three pages focus on certain events only

The ones I have chosen, to represent history

How nice when we are allowed to rewrite history

And teach what we want to who we want

National curriculum, standardized knowledge

We all know the same stupidities

We teach them over and over again every day everywhere

God only knows how futile this knowledge is

Given to interpretation, subjective, modified to make it acceptable

I am surprised that if it is 300 years old, we usually tell some truth

It is because we do not take responsibility for what they did

We certainly don't do that anymore

Today we are civilized, in our interpretations at least

In 300 years it might be completely different

After an army of historians went through everything

To give us their perspective on these events they have not witnessed

Well, I have witnessed enough death in the last two years to write many bricks

More injustice than a dictionary could hold

I suppose they forgot to tell us that only our interests were important

Only our security

And those rights do not apply to the rest of the world

Don't worry, tomorrow we will have forgotten

Or we will have turned it into such a nice way

That our children won't be horrified

This is what is important after all






We are living on a computer chip



The world is a wonderful place

Filled with beautiful circuitry

8.6 GigaHertz, Pentium 8

A bit of energy, yeah

An electron passing by, oooh

Changing the whole configuration of the universe in its path

What a Post Card!

When I see how small the world is

I am amazed, I am in awe

I am not sure who to thank, there must be a creator somewhere

Sad that I will never be sure

Short of accepting everything on faith


The world is a fantastic place

Bits and bobs everywhere

Metallic connections here and there

It does not make any sense

What is the purpose of such a universe?

As far as I can see, it is full of opened and closed doors

Is it infinite?

God must have created this becauseÖ

There is no other explanation

Sad that I will never be certain

Short of accepting everything on faith


I do

And you must too

And I will do everything in my power that you do so

And your children

God has created this universe

And now here is a book of rules given by God

And another one

And another one

And now you will go to hell because no one can respect those rules

Where is hell?

Here I guess






Now I know where you live



Now I know where you live

Do you deserve a stalker?

Restraining orders won't stop me

Better protect your children better

Built a real prison for them, they need it

They will soon be out of your control

This is when I will strike

I will pay the price eventually

But you will pay it first


Your wonderful children

Your beautiful gardens

Your gigantic 4 million pounds castle

I will make it your own hell on earth

You are not safe anywhere!

You should start building that Mausoleum now


I don't need a reason

I don't need to rationalize it

I don't need to justify myself

I don't even need to think


I hate your children

I hate your castle

I hate you

I love to hate


Another cocktail party

Slum of the world invited

Talking bollocks all night long

What the fuck is that boring music?


Soon it will be too late

It is already too late

Now I know where you live

And you won't live there anymore very soon

The price of glory






Only through extremes you understand



6000 persons died in Afghanistan

Have you felt it?

6000 persons died in New York

You have felt it so much, my ears are still ringing


You do not value life

You value the life of the people you feel close to

When you feel it could be you or your loved ones

These things need to be said

And I don't know any poet willing to tell you that any time soon

He/She would never get published for a start

I don't need this shit

I am already reaching out

I tell the truth, nothing more

I am insensitive

No more than you

I guess it is necessary to understand

To open our eyes

If millions of people need to die in order to impose your order

It is not worth it

You dying is only a consequence of your doing

Only the enemy appears to be able to see that

I wonder why

I have changed my point of you

They are right

They should kill you for what you represent

For what you allow your leaders to do in your name

Are you so insignificant that you cannot stop an injustice?

Are you so powerless that your voice cannot be heard?

You deserve your faith

Don't be hypocrites

See yourself for what you really are

Cold bloody killers

After that, I feel like a Saint!






What would you like to be later in life?



I would like to be a Marketing and Sales Executive


Because it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

I want to be a wholesaler


Because why sell one item to one person when you can sell 100 items to one person?

I would like to be Prime Minister


Because it sounds important, isn't it?

I would like to be an actor


Because I would be someone else every day of the week and forget about my miserable life

I would like to be a star


Because I would be rich and famous beyond belief without the need to think

I would like to be a judge


Because I would decide what is right and what is wrong: basically everything is wrong

I would like to be the Pope


I don't know, fuck, why not? For God's sake, why should I not be the Pope?

I would like to be God


Because it seems powerfulÖ powerful enough to destroy what you are

I would like to be a man


Because then I would be someone, not just a title






What would you like for Christmas?



I would like peace on Earth

Oh don't be ridiculous, two neighbors can't even stand each other

What do you expect from the whole planet?


I would like my parents back together

Don't be stupid, by now they would love to kill each other


I would like a great high paying job where I would have nothing to do

Let me laugh! Welcome to the real world!


I hope for freedom

I'm sorry, it is in the social contract, no freedom possible


I wish for enlightenment, illumination

You can dream, my friendÖ


I know, I know, I want love!!!

Love is an invention of Hollywood and literature, don't you know that by now?


Ok then, I want sex

You must be pretty desperate for wanting this on Christmas

If you have it more than 10 times, you would not wish for that anymore, ever

Unless you are a pervert, and then we need to shoot you


What about Jesus Christ coming back on Earth to save us?

Jesus Christ? Have you been brainwashed again?


Let's be realistic here, I only have one catalog of products at my disposal

And a budget of about ₤10, so forget your great ideals


You should have told me! I want an electric train then

That's more realistic, you shall get one






Have you lost Faith in Destiny?



Sometimes the most fervent believer doubts his own beliefs

Sometimes the most certain person in the world is suddenly unsure

Sometimes the most optimistic people become the most pessimistic


There is no reason to doubt

Havenít God always been there?

The one up there who will suddenly open the gate

Of money, successful jobs and love?


No reason to live in the dark

No possible way that once again everything will not happen as it should be

To maximize life and rewards and perfection


Oh why the doubts then?

Why allow these questions, uncertainties and despair?

Should everything not happen before these creep up?


Does God always need to test its subjects, its creatures, its bugs?

Has he not got better things to do?

Or is it just a program fulfilling its purpose?

Or perhaps it takes time for a perfect timeline to get all the elements working together?


I donít have the time for that shite

Everything needs to fall into places instantly

My future needs to be drawn on the spot without the wait and despair


I need to take on the world right now!

I need to face the ugly face of humanity while it is still hot!

I want to take over the world in my march towards freedom!


God! You are listening right now, arenít you?

What the fuck are you waiting for?

Things need to happen fast

Or else I am going to start killing people

There are about 30 desperate persons living in my bloc

Awaiting their death for being as lost as I am

Doing nothing more productive for society than I am

What the fuck are you doing?

Are they supposed to wait there until you find something for them to do?

Am I supposed to rot here until you find me something to do?

Or should I provoke the circumstances

Create my own destiny out of nothing?


I will take over the world by storm

My destiny awaits me

I guess nothing falls from the sky

Iíve got to make it happen

I am preparing my own revolution

And it is going to hurt

I have not lost faith in destiny!






God forbid



If I were to dictate around here

God forbid

Things would work


If I were to control your destiny

God forbid

You would meet the biggest wall of all


If I were to decide to act

God forbid

The end of the world would be near


If I were to shoot you

God forbid

You would be dead


If I could control the elements

God forbid

I would be halfway across the galaxy by now


If I could devise the plans

God forbid

We would be a higher form of life right now


If I could invent life

God forbid

Life would mean something


If I could live

God forbid

I would live to the maximum


If I could cry

God forbid

I would cry


If I could just be aware for one long second

God forbid

I would see and understand everything there is to understand in this meaningless existence


But there is no chance of that since

God forbid!






Presque vu



I feel like I could almost feel it

I feel like I could almost reach it

Oh, it is all there to grasp and understand

And yet it is out of my reach!


Sometimes I understand

I can see beyond everything

I can surmise how the universe works

I can change destiny


Must be because I am totally disconnected

Must be because I am mad

I am certainly crazy

Visions or dreams?


Have I told you my brain is not working properly?

I am schizophrenic

I am suffering from epileptic seizures

Hallucinations of all sorts

Useless to say that in my episodes you look nothing like you do usually


That is how I finally connect the dots

That is how finally everything makes sense

That is why I understand the universe

That is why I understand that reality does not make any sense






Sorry for using you, you deserve it



If you cannot make sense of your life

Why not let me invent your existence?


If you cannot understand why you exist

Why not let me invent you a reason to live?


If your life is so boring that you wish to commit suicide

Why not let me turn it into a movie worth watching?


You are not even worth my attention

Sorry I took interest in your miserable existence

What was I thinking?

I must have been pretty desperate for anything interesting in my life

You just happened to be there at that moment

It is your fault, you should not have shown an interest in me

I will now use you and you damn deserve it

Leading such an uninspiring life

And still inspire me great lines

I call that a miracle


Am I using you? Poor thingÖ

What have you got to lose when you have nothing anyway?






The well of wishful thinking



I see a well on the horizon

Quickly I go there and throw some worthless Canadian money in it

I make a wish


Will all my dreams come true?

All the changes to my timeline that I wish for?

Will I suddenly be rich and famous?

No need to do anything anymore till the day I die?


Oh you, well of my destiny

Make all my desires come true

The world coming to a stop

To see what it is they live for


I am so simple minded

So stupid that spiders creeping on the wall donít realize

How worthless I have become

Still I have this complex of superiority


Does not make much sense

Oh, well of my destiny

Help me understand what my purpose in life is

I have lost any kind of motivation


As incomprehensible as these old expressions are

Perhaps you do not mean anything after all

Wishing well of my destiny

I am empty


As empty as you






The Chauffeur



Oh dear I went back to where I came from

I had these memories of where I had been

I could no longer live in my careless memories

Drowning in my whisky every night

Drowning in my sorrows

I had to touch again what it is that I had experienced

For the one moment that I felt I was alive

In London close to Paddington where I used to live and hope

For a better future without realizing that this was it

Nothing better would ever come

Me dying on these garbage bags on Harrow Road

Writing some useless ideas that will never see the light of day

Oh god I was happy then!

It took me to go back home to understand

A lost song to bring me back there

And I left once again my loved ones

I left everything behind again

To go and live this desperate life

There is no cure to my misery

It is made of romantic and horrible feelings

The memory that keeps me going

Kensal Green Cemetery

Maida Vale and Westbourne Park

This is not me, but it was for just a moment

A glimpse into what we are missing

Something unreachable that I have reached

And now I cannot live without it

Please drive me there

Let me die there

In this memory of a perfect moment of desperation

That meant everything






Oh please let me be happy again!



I am not sure what makes me happy

I have been the happiest at the bottom of my misery

Though I do not wish to reach the bottom again

But I wish happiness all the same


Oh please let me be happy again!


Whether it would be in the Midi of France, lost

Nowhere to go and nothing to think about

No responsibilities or obligations

Just the where I am now and what to do to think about


Oh please let me be happy again!


I could do with erasing my identity and my debts

I could do with starting from zero once again

I could wish for no possession of any kind

Nothing to my name and no food


Oh please let me be happy again!


When I have nothing and no one to love!

When I am all alone and lost somewhere I know nothing about!

When I am naked to the bone with no past history

Oh, I want to be a virgin


Oh please let me be happy again!


Let me walk on these walls by the mountain

Let me forget that I have ever existed

Let me hope that I never need to think again

I want to be a blank storage device looking at the sky


Oh please let me be happy again!


Nothing to achieve

No dream to pursue

No meaning to life to understand

No one to poison my existence


I want to die here aloneÖ

And then I will be happy!






History has got nothing to do with you



Were you there when the first man landed on the Moon?

Yes, I know, you were alive

But have you done anything to make it happen?



Were you there when the chart of rights and liberties was added to the Constitution?

Yes, I know, you feel it to this day and you are proud of it

But have you done anything to make sure it would be respected?



Were you there when the first atomic bomb exploded?

Yes, I know, you enjoyed it and freaked out all at the same time

But have you done anything to stop it from happening again?



Were you there when the world was created?

Yes, I know, you live by the rules of God

But have you done anything to preserve this creation?



Were you there when Hitler was killed?

Yes, I know, you feel like you have won the war

But what the fuck have you got to do with the war?



Are you at all alive?

Have you at all changed the life of more than a few people?

Why do you exist?


You have nothing to do with history!

Why donít you just die?

No one will miss you as you do not make any difference


Your useless routine

Your poor judgment

Your insignificant existence


Iím so sorry for you

You are so small

You have never created anything

You will never change anything on a massive scale

Or even on a small scale


I really donít understand why we allow you to live

You are useless

At best youíre an annoyance

A parasite

Just like the rest of the world






Madonna, provocative?



It is so funny

That a desperate man

Shouts at you

And tells you that you are meaningless

I guess that if you had thrown a few more unbearable jobs his way

He would never had the time to say anything

Give him an award, that should shut him up

An OBE, oh dear, now he is royal material

Some success? What about watersheds and censorship?

He could never reach the masses unless he is pure and perfect

Unless he could never in any way insult anyone or denounce anything


So funny!

That the only way to make yourself heard

Is to be like Madonna

Nothing provocative, just at the limit of what is acceptable

To be played on MTV and sometimes be banned

Guaranteeing a number one hit

But never that deep or provocative that you would just turn off the TV

Madonna does not put anything back into question

Madonna does not push any barrier further

Madonna is for the masses

Funny that she is still at the limit of the acceptable

The most provocative of all mainstream

That is why you have heard of her


But what you need to hear

What you need to respect

What you need to truly admire

Is not of the masses

Anyone any worse than Madonna is not allowed to go mainstream


Well, be happy thinking you are an anarchist

Listening to Madonna

You are far from what is happening underground

That, will never reach you






This world will change!



Do not work against me and we'll get somewhere

People like you and me, there are not that many on this planet

I have 6 beers in my body tonight

Which makes me understand that I have a lot in common with you

We should not be fighting

For reasons that I cannot even understand today

What you have to say is important

To this world sleeping comfortably tonight

These ideals, this questioning of everything

Is more important than anything else

We are unique

If we cannot get heard, the world is doomed

Not that we care anywayÖ

Everyoneís just a sheep

They respect the path to follow defined as soon as they are born

They do not question anything

This is sad

If neither me or you can get a job at the moment

This is not without reason

We do not fit in because we do not accept so easily what others go into so blindly

Why we are so desperate at the idea of being left out is incomprehensible

The fear of not having the money to pay our debts, our flats, our food

This is the worst of capitalism

Society that does not give a shit about anyone

Unless we have the money to pay for our survival

Something is very wrong with society, not with us

We are the ones who can see beyond all this

The mechanisms of existence that they built

Still we suffer

We must still be blind

Letís assume our name

And what we say in this name


I will talk

I will promise

And I will deliver

Even if it kills me

This mentality will change!

This world will change!






Marginalized multi-media artist from New York



I am Saint Karen from NY

The isolation is intense

That's why it is so refreshing to think

Why is everyone so afraid of confrontational honesty? 

I even encounter it in the angst subcultures

It seems like fake angst is accepted because it is a packaging marketing gimmick

But real raw existential panic is hard for people to digest

I certainly see it in the local music scene

Sometimes it's easy for me to feel insecure about myself

But then I just have to plow forward and realize that I must keep agitating the sleepy masses

I like to think of myself as Joan of Arc

Who knows maybe she was in touch with her nothingness

I noticed I mention God a lot

God has always been an influence

Did he eventually ever fall in love?

Did he have a 9 to 5 job anywhere in this world?

Then he would understand what I am going through

Well I thought a lot about spirituality

Got me nowhere, as expected

I guess I will never see the light

Condemned to walk this earth till the end of time

Causing trouble in the mist of New York

Forever and ever

My vision

That is my destiny






Oh God! Donít make me leave London!



Paddington is so central

To me, to my life

Paddington is all there is

White buildings, nice hotels

A bunch of videos

Some conferences

My landing in London

The first time I ever saw the sunlight


Paddington is so central!

An old renewed train station

More deaths than you could account for

Some laundering money as easy as that

I saw it, I saw it all

And one guy that made it possible for me to stay

I tried to teach him French, it was a disaster

As we were not to be trusted


I lived there, I was there every day

I saw new buildings growing

I would not have been surprised to be working in Central Station

As life is so weird sometimes

It puts you right in the middle of it all

And you think it is down to coincidences

But I know better


Paddington is the start to everything

Inspiration, love, the beginning of a new life

It was snowing one day

It meant everything to me

There was a television series about it

I recognized myself

You cannot be in London and avoid Paddington

You are always crossing it

To go to Maidenhead or Reading

Paddington it isÖ for Heathrow

But I always had to take the Underground

Passing by the BBC, Shepherds Bush, Hammersmith

To go to work, to go home

I have lived all around


My baby is keeping me here

Despite my lack of work and money

How could I not love him?

He was paying for my burgers when I was hungry

He was buying me beer when I could not afford it

He was always there when I needed it

He loves me and I love him

Paddington is never really far,

I always have to go there again and again to go anywhere in London

One day I will be able to afford some big loft there

One day I will be right there overseeing Paddington

Its weird life and surreal existence


Central Station, Paddington

You are dead as I do not see in you what I used to see

I cannot recognize myself in you anymore

I have moved beyond

I have seen much more

őle-St-Louis for a start, Paris

I am now out of here

I am Mr. Isleworth as no one else is

Isleworth is my town

I have been living there nine long years

I am not British yet, but I am Mr. Isleworth

Only Van Gogh used to live here

I wonder what he was looking at then

I certainly cannot recognize anything here from these days

God knows what he painted while living here

Green fields perhaps, they have now disappeared

I have been told the sewers were around here

They are well hidden

All I can see is a big Tesco, a stadium and huge car parks

The Thames, an old canal

And the house of my dear friend that I have not seen in years

I have not lost any of this yet

But I fear everyday that I might

Oh God! Please donít make me leave London!






Let my mind come out!



And you will see the face of another reality

Take over the world

As I am full of ideas

A potential never suspected before

Oh dear, you have not seen anything yet

I am just beginning to be heard

Once I am there, nothing will stop me


Let my mind come out!


I was that close to get it all out

In the open

Almost in control of everything

Stopped at the last second

Oh, I have enough for a good CV

But nothing like it would look like if you hadÖ


Let my mind come out!


Carte blanche

To do anything I want

Infinite budget to get there

I will get you there



New world and beyond

Just wait and see

I am full of it

Wisdom, ideas, never seen before

Thatís me

If only you wouldÖ


Let my mind come out!






Iím a Texan Girl!



I shop at Loebs

I only buy Presidentís Choice stuff

I understand that the Chocolate Cookies Biscuits have as many Chocolate Chips

as they can hold before crumbling to their death


Life can be so simple sometimes

When all you have to do is the shopping

While your husband is out there

Promoting and holding together a useless company of outsourcing staff

Pass me the bucket, that is the first thing that will go bankrupt around here


This is so five years agoÖ

How can you hope to make any money out of this?

My dear, your husband will most likely be out of business any time soon

You better watch the Eurythmics videos

You need something extreme to wrap around your tender throat

Before it is too late






Where am I?



God knows what I can do

Everyday is a new day

Still, I donít do anything new

I donít do anything

It is killing me

Everyday could be a new day

But they are all these old lazy days

Where I donít do anything

Thankfully I have friends to remind me

That I am not doing anything


What should I be doing?
What is it that I am doing in those parallel universes that I am not doing now?

Is it all worth it anyway?

I donít care if I reach millions, billions of people

I just want to be happy

I just want to feel free

Freedom, you are still a long way off

What are you waiting for?

Donít you know that I would love to live on a boat for a few years?

That I would love to borrow one of these mobile houses and go around America or Europe?

Anything to get out of here?

Anything to feel that I am still alive?


Where am I nowÖ

Lost, completely lost for sure

Completely unreasonable

Doing just what I want to do


What a great life!

If only it could last!






I never want to go to bed again

(so I donít have to face any more fucking bitches!)



I want to stay up forever

All these drunken nights, wasted away

I want to see the sun come up and feel that it is a new day

Go to McDonalds to buy a breakfast for two

For my baby that should not have to go to work

To face those bitches who make his life unbearable

Itís been a while since I had to face my own bitches

Why is it that my baby still has to face them?

Should he take a day off?

So we can go to Merseyside, Manchester, Liverpool again?

Escape hell for one more day

Before I have to face my own bitches again

Who have nothing to do but make my life miserable

I know I must seem like a worm to them

The most disgusting thing on the planet

But hey! I am alive too, you know?

I deserve some respect!

I deserve to be happy I guess

That is why I never want to go to bed again

Because the next day is the same useless day

One more day before I have to get back to work

Confront those fucking bitches who hate me for no reason

Give me whatever is necessary to get them out of here!

Give me a gun so I can shoot them all!

So I can be happy again

And my baby too

So we can go to McDonald get our breakfast every morning

Without having to face any more fucking bitches






Stuck in a Time Loop



Oh God

I am back where I was

Where I have always been

What is it I have to learn here that I have not learnt before?

Are you not worried that I will get bored out of my mind?

That suddenly suicide will become very attractive to me?

Seeing the end of this life means everything to me

Nothing new on the horizon

Nothing new

I have tasted something else you know

I am getting somewhere, or so I thought

But I am not

I am still here

Stuck in this time loop forever

I canít bear it anymore

I do not want that

I want my freedom

I want to live!

To explode on the universe

Have an impact beyond comprehension

I want to dictate!

I want to change the world!

I donít want to be stuck here

I donít want to get back to square one every damn minute of my existence

Whereís the way out?

What can I do to change my life?

I donít give a shit if you donít think like I do

I donít care if you donít agree with what I am

I wonít be stuck in this time loop any longer

I will change everything for the better

No more authority

No more hierarchy

No more daily routine till death

No more anything you have ever known

I do not accept this way of life

I will break this loop

I will be free






In the Void



I am in the void all right

Iíve gone to hell and back

That must count for something

Ok, I was not left for dead on a cold mountain

After a free fall to nothingness

But I feel I have felt much worse

For a start, I never had the freedom to get to that mountain in the first place

Never had the chance to be suspended to a rope on the rock face

Never had the chance to experience this rush of adrenaline

To freeze to death on a cold morning

Big deal, I was born in the North of Canada you know

Freezing to death was to be my destiny

Falling to my death in the void has always been my destiny

No illumination there, I can assure you

What about all these dreams?

All that we talked about?

All lost in the void, is it?

Where am I now?

In the voidÖ


I am in the void

I have been living in the nothingness

Was I supposed to learn something beside how ugly the world is?

How hypocrite everyone is?

How meaningless life is?

Love, love, love

What a great concept

Lost in the void

In the nothingness of it all

I can see though time!

And I despise what I see

The meaning of life was lost on everyone

We have all lost sight of why we are here

I doubt we will learn anything of any value

We all failed miserably and this life was pointless

Was there a truth somewhere?

I have never heard it

Neither have you

We are all doomed!

While in the voidÖ






I am being raped



I am no one

That nobody you meet every day on your way to work

You are a marketing coordinator somewhere

You are a sales person selling god knows what

A project manager

You are a CIO (Chief Information Officer)

You are a COO (guess that one)

You are a nanny because you are useless at anything else

You cannot drive this world to the winning side

Because we are on the winning side

All of us have titles that are meaningless

It tells you a lot about what we are doing

How can we make money and make a living?

Doing this meaningless crap?

This is the great mystery

A whole family doing nothing

With great titles to crown it all

A typical American family

Having more time to waste than the whole world have to even think

Oh I know, letís start a business

Letís sale useless information to useless people

They need it, even though they donít know it yet

Letís do some publicity

1 million, 2 millions, 3 millions

Who cares?

Weíll make billions out of this

Letís get into consulting

Letís get into data warehousing and business strategies

Oh god I know!

Letís get into Business Intelligence!

It is so meaningless that people will wait in line to give us money

Fearing to lose out on something

New business trends perhaps

You are better off without our pseudo wisdom I tell you

We donít know shit about anything

You know better than I

You have made your millions, I am the poorest of all

Isnít that proof enough?

Continue to sell wind to others, and make millions

You are on the right track

I donít need to rape you

But donít rape me in return!






Whatís hot today that will be dead tomorrow



Quick, quick, it is the right time to cash in

You are beautiful!

You have the right product!

You are hot, hot, hot!

Everyone will hear about you

Everyone will buy your product

I will make sure of that

Who would you like to meet?

Quick, quick, because tomorrow you will be history

You will suddenly be ugly

Your product worthless

Power dead celebrity of one day wonder

Quick, quick!

Too late

Going, going, goneÖ

It was nice meeting you

Donít call us, weíll call you






I now believe in God



That was a long shot

Even me have not seen this one coming

But yes, I now believe in God

What took me so long?

Perhaps it is that they tried everything to convince me of his/her/its existence early on

Though they had no proof to offer

It could be those prayers we had to say in class, I have never been sure why we had to do that

Maybe it is that my mom had the faith and I could not understand why

Or my grandmother who could not believe in anything else

Surely I saw how blind and brainwashed she was

She could not speak of anything else, I felt there was something wrong with her

The President of the United States did not help either

Using God to spit on me and rob me of any of my rights in the name of God

And the Pope and Christianity, the biggest example of hypocrisy ever, if I could find one

Or all the meaningless wars and all the deaths in the name of God

Though I could not even figure if he/she/it existed at all

All this certainly convinced me that God did not exist

How could he/she/it allow for such things in his/her/its own name?

The more they tried to convince me, the less I believed

But one day I put all that aside

And I started to believe

As simple as that

I now believe in God

It took me just a few decades to come to term with the brainwashing, the convincing

The threat of burning in hell if I did not believeÖ

Now I believe and it comes from my heart, not from the mischievous heart of others

Now, if I could only agree on the definition of this god, it would be great!






Iím Dying!



I think I am dying

I must have a cancer of some sort

I smoke and drink too much

I must have one of these diseases that gay people transmit all the time

Too much sex I guess

Could be the drugs, surely it helps to die more quickly?

Perhaps it is because I am thinking too much?

I must have a brain disease

I have hallucinations, I talk with the dead from various times

I cannot distinguish if I am the one alive or if they are

Maybe I have been dead for quite a while already without knowing

It would not surprise me

I feel I have been on Earth for at least 300 years

And I think we are not supposed to live past 100

Or are we?

My hand is being eaten alive by some flesh eating bug

Eventually they will move further and eat the rest of my body

I supposeÖ my GP does not talk too much about this

I believe he is just as ignorant as I am on that point

He is more embarrassed than me when I get my clothes off in his office


Maybe it is hereditary

Some sort of skin disease that will eventually cause my death

My great grandparents were after all first degree cousins

I have a whole batch of aunts who died of skin diseases

Why not me?

And there are a few cats in my flat

They must be able to transmit some sort of sickness to humans

Not counting all their flees jumping everywhere

And the dead pigeons and rats they bring in

And our snakes, our snakes, they are so weird

They must be able to communicate some weird things

And every time I take the tube and these old people sneeze on me

Or these ugly fat women who cough to death over my neck

Shaking hands with all these people

They talk in my face all the time, I can smell their bad breath

Surely it is the bearing of the worst sicknesses of all?

I am due to die any time soon

God, it takes forever!!!






I am Michael Jackson



Every time I see the name Michael Jackson, I recognize my name

Weird, isnít it?

I feel it is me

When I hear that song Cant Stop til you Get Enough

I feel I am the one who wrote it and who is singing it

I think I might be the reincarnation of Michael Jackson

Even though I believe he is still alive

I feel I am misunderstood

I feel I am pure, naive and innocent

Yet everyone believe I am a monster

I donít feel black, I donít feel white

I feel like I am a big blob who needs blood injected into me

Every once in a while

I am a living legend with a distorted life in the tabloids

Even though I am living a distorted life and the tabloids puts it in order for me

I cannot remember having this dysfunctional family though

It is very distressing to me to be the brother of Janet Jackson

I am Michael Jackson, but on a poster, not in real life

I donít have a brother called Jermaine, this thought is unbearable

But I believe I have a nice sister called Latoya

This I can see

I am not sure if I am a he or a she either

I am living in another realm of reality

I am well over everyone else

I have reached a spiritual sort of life through music that not many have reached

I am no longer on Earth, I am beyond

Anyone capable of writing and singing something like Cant Stop til you Get Enough

Is no longer with us

He is beyond us

As I feel

Connected to some other spheres of reality, of inspiration

Michael Jackson has no place in this reality

He is an idea, an ideal

No longer with us

Just as I aspire to be

No longer with you

Effective today, my name is Michael Jackson

As I always felt anyway

And I am unreachable

To you mere mortals who cannot see beyond






Are you convinced that I am mad now?



I am delirious

I walk down the path laid out for me

It goes around a Crown Court

A school yard

A highway

Still, I donít feel concerned by any of these

I am mad

Ready for the asylum

Out of real life and out of godís way

Is it because I live in the world of imagination?

I dream every night of the weirdest things

I am accomplishing myself in these universes that do not make any sense

Even though it makes more sense to me than real life while I am in it

Life is a nightmare that I can only escape while dreaming

There I am free

If only I did not have to come back, to wake up again

Sleeping away during the day forever

Laziness to its limits

I never want to go to sleep, but in the morning I donít want to wake up

I am delirious

I do not walk any laid out path

The Crown Court, the school yard, the highway

I have imagined it all

Why I am stuck there every day is beyond me

I must be a ghost trapped in between times

Looking for a way out of my misery

I need a psychic medium to see more clearly

To show me the light out of here

I wish to live in this wonderful world of dreams

And I donít want to control it

Escape towards the infinity of ideas

Where nothing makes any sense

Where one minute I am this and there

And the other I am that and somewhere else

This is where I have been hiding for the last few years

Everything I have ever wrote came from there

Just a big autobiography of my other lives in the dream world

Plenty of other personalities

Plenty of mental disorders

Plenty of nonsense realities

Where being mad is just the norm






A Psychologist you say? Oh shitÖ



When you told me you were a psychologist

I did not stop right there to tell you to fuck off

What a mistake

How can you pretend to know everything, is beyond meÖ

I told you how sad I was

How small I was

How terrible my past is

How suicidal Iíve always been

I opened myself completely to you

Suddenly you turned against me

You told me how sad I was

How small I was

That I was not good enough for you

That I was not up to your expectations

Then you told me that this was not meant for me

But to another patient of yours

I donít know at what stage you were with him

But considering that I almost killed myself over this

I would be surprised if that other guy survived

Then I thought some more

Oh, you are a psychologist then

Great job you do

Playing around with peopleís mind like if you knew everything

Great invention of this society

Expediting our suicides while playing around like this with us

I have often lost faith in just about everything in my life

But never so quickly about something so specific

Let me tell it to the world right now

Keep away from anyone calling himself or herself a psychologist!!!

They will quickly expedite you out of this world

To everyoneís relief Iím sure

Donít trust them, they donít understand what youíre going through

They know less than you will ever know

Because they have never been where you are now

And they never will be

Only trust people as crazy as you are

Only trust me

I will sort you out

If I can sort myself out first


It is a long process, I know

But who cares?

Get a grip on reality you bugger!

I know you donít want to get a job and get back to this miserable reality filled with bastards

But it is the only way to get money and survive Iím afraid

Enough self-pitying and about how miserable your life is

We are all there you know

We canít stand it either but we have no choice right now but to play that stupid game

One day weíll make them pay, I can assure you

But not now, not yet

One day

Now, get out and find that lover you deserve

Forget everything else, you need that to start thinking normally

After that you can get back to philosophy and probably you will see more clearly

Forget psychologists, they know shit

Forget your parents, they know shit

Forget your teachers, they know even less

Create your own life

With your imagination

Dream the life you always wanted

Just like me

And then you will exist in your dream world, at the very least

Just like I do

And fuck the rest






I never felt so powerful!



When suddenly I have proven you wrong

When suddenly I realized I knew more than you will ever do

I may be young but old age does not bring this wisdom as it was always thought

On the contrary, you will quickly bring this world to an end

And you dare calling yourself wise

Telling me I have no culture

Telling me I am worth nothing

Telling me I know shit about this world

I guess you were talking about yourself

Because I donít feel so powerless

I donít feel that I donít know anything

I would feel great anyway for not knowing anything about you and your culture

I donít give a shit about all that you have learned in your 60 years on this planet

I wish I never got around learning even the basics of it

I only know because you obliged me without ever asking me

I was too young and too stupid then to tell you that it was all meaningless

You can die happy to know something

It will always be nothing anyway

Because you failed to understand what was truly important

That all that crap is hollow

I pity youÖ more than you pity me for my ignorance

I pity youÖ for your ignorance






Dťjŗ Vu



People experience dťjŗ vu, fine, I do too

But lately it is more than just a moment of dťjŗ vu that I have been experiencing

Its whole days, whole weeks

Iíve been to York, I had seen it all before even though I never went there in my life

I went to Winchester, I have been there before and seen all that

Even though I never went there while alive

People send me their photo and I have seen it before

This is madness, my whole life is a dťjŗ vu!

I have lived that life before!

I have lived my whole life before!

I guess starting to think about it opened this can of worms

I assure you, I have seen it all before

This is no imaginary time loop

I am stuck reliving the same events over and over again

I even had a dream about it opening my eyes

There is something wrong with reality

Something really wrong

We are the prisoner of the same reality that changes every day but just a little

Again and again for an unknown purpose

We are stuck in a real time loop

And I am not certain if there is a way out

God, have I seen too much?

More than I was allowed?

I am perplexed and not sure why I should continue

I am fed up

More than you will ever know

Of this dťjŗ vuÖ

I donít want to continue

I have lost interest in everything happening to me right now

I am fighting anything I may have done before that I donít want to do again

This is meaningless

It does not serve any purpose that I am aware

Life and its configurations

The mechanisms of existence

It all escapes me

And until I know more and get a good reason to relive this reality over and over again

I will stay in bed and die there forever






I donít believe



I donít believe in myself

I donít believe in you

I donít believe in God

I donít believe in society

I donít believe in civilization

I donít believe in democracy

I donít believe in capitalism

I donít believe in socialism

I donít believe in anything


I believe in worms

I believe in elephants

I believe in giraffes

I believe in monkeys

I believe in plants

I believe in rocks

I believe in water

I believe in fire

I believe in everything that does not come from humans


I donít believe in you






Everyone needs to start somewhere



This is where I started

Mopping the floor

Packing the groceries for you madam

Delivering things to the world

Making club sandwiches and pizzas for the planet


Out of desperation come great things

Out of misery come revolutionary philosophies

Out of hell come big new political systems


Give me a break

I am sick

Great things are never great for too long

Revolutionary philosophies have always been questioned

New political systems always fail the people


Everyone needs to start somewhere


Everyone needs to end somewhere


This is where I ended

Mopping the floor

Packing the groceries

Delivering things

Making club sandwiches and pizzas

Just how it should beÖ






Iím about to become Global

(And out of control)



I thought I was nothing

I was about to accept a job as a janitor at Heathrow Airport

And then suddenly I got the best offers someone can dream of

Believe me, being recognized for what you really are and can do is a privilege

By the top people in their fields

Even better

How do I feel?

I donít know

I do believe in dreams

Hard work does pay

I could be at the top tomorrow morning

I was offered the greatest contracts someone can hope for

The biggest promises anyone can receive

How do I feel?

I donít know

Itís like being R.E.M.

Wanting to do what they do best

And make millions out of it

But remaining what they have always been

I donít know

I donít fucking know

Please give me a way out!

What if I am not up to the task?

What if I do fail miserably?

I donít believe for a second that I will

Still, I need to mention it

To think about it

To prepare my way out

No one thinks like I do

I am a weird one

I am out of this world

Perhaps I am not worth millions

Perhaps I am worth nothing

Except for that lost one on the same wavelength as me

What if I can only reach that one person?

What if no one understands me except that lost one?

I would have lost you time

I would have lost you millions

I would have lost you everything

I donít think so

Because I would have reached that lost one

That one who would think like I do

And that means more to me than your millions

And that means more to me than everything else

I have but one goal

Save that lost soul rotting somewhere in this world

I will save this fucking planet

Even if it kills me

And your millions would do nicely

To get me to save them






I am out of this world II



I am out of this world

And I intend to remain there

No matter what happens






Thatís it, I will commit suicide, I had enough



I had enough

Of your dreams

Of this unexpected breakthrough

Of these infinite possibilities

How I got myself in such a situation

That I have 5 days left to live

Before it is all over once again

Until I find the next idea

The next solution that will get me going for another 5 days

I can no longer live like that

I had enough

I refuse to continue

To hope for a better life

To hope for all my dreams to come true

I have made my decision

I will commit suicide


Gone this life I dreamt of

Never have I been so close

I donít care

Thatís it

I had enough

One more drink is all that I need to finally connect the dots

I wonít dream anymore that someone will come and save me

This only happens in films and maybe not

Iím as good as dead

I cannot pay anymore for all my faults

I cannot live anymore for all my dreams

It is all beyond me now

I am as good as dead

I will commit suicide







Iím Dead!



Never felt so dead in my life

Never wanted to be so dead

I have thousands of responsibilities

Money over my head


Still I never intended to do anything

To die here is all I ever asked

I will find a way

To disappear forever

On the dawn of my success

I hate you

I hated you even before I spoke to you

You are everything I despise

How on earth I ever thought that reaching you

Would be my way out

Is beyond me

I donít need this

I donít need you

I donít need anything

I just need to die

Thatís what I need

I will not work for anyone ever again

I will not ever contact anyone again

I will disappear forever from anyoneís sight

I am out of here

I am out of life

I will lose my name

I will lose any sort of description and history

I was never here in the first place

I never wanted to be here anyway in the first place

Be happy reading these words now

Because I donít think they will be here for much longer

I donít intend to be remembered

I donít give a shit about immortality

I will commit suicide







Never been so low



I have finally reached rock bottom

I never thought I would reach it

I always hoped for something, anything

Now I know it was all bollocks

I am not expecting anything from God

I am not expecting anything from anyone

Because even a miracle would not save me now

Something has changed in my brain

I donít want any savior anymore

I donít want to be saved

I am beyond hope

I have known it for a while

I did not want to admit it

I have tried so hard!

To get out of my misery

And now I donít want to

Fight anymore

Survive anymore

Hope anymore

This is my will

Delete me

Delete my life

Delete everything!

I do not want to have existed

I was never meant to be!

I am a mistake

Why was I ever born?

I did not want to!

I donít want this life

I never wanted it!

Let me go!

Let me die!

Please, Iíll do anything!

Anything to have never existed!

I was not meant to be

I was not meant to exist

I need to correct this mistake

I need to be deleted

I need to die







Just eat my dick!



I have a nice dick

Not too big, not too small

Enough to drive mad enough people

Obsessed with dicks

And they certainly are everywhere

Never suspect the power of it

One simple piece of skin with blood in it

Free of any disease (which is rare these days!)

Iíve used it more than once

To get things I never got

I must be stupid or something

I donít know how to use my dick, silly me

Given the opportunity, I would be somewhere today!

And all I would have to thank is my perfect dick

All those ideals now gone forever

I will have to succeed on my own merits now, silly me

I should have taken advantage of my dick much sooner

I still have a nice dick, but I am 31 years old

Not what big influent people would like to see in their bed, Iím afraid

I should have strike when it was the right time

I should have used my dick when I was still young!

I should have shown it to the unsuspected world then!

Oh well, succeeding on its own merits still have some respectability

If I ever succeed that isÖ

My dick is still available

I donít care if you are a man or a woman and how old you are

I am willing to put it in your big mouth

To stop you from telling me bullshit

I just want sex!

I donít want to hear what you can do for me

I know it will never happen

Only hard work gets you anywhere these days

So shut up and just eat my dick!






Towards the Green Fields



Every night I dream of green fields

Wherever they are

That is what I need to fall asleep

I always get back to that

Green fields

Peace of mind, peace

From you, your existence, your babblings

I always need a break

Dream is my escape

There I donít really exist

There are no consequences

No memories

I donít know where I come from

I cannot remember anything superfluous

Nothing that can be linked to a useless name

To a life of some sort

I am out of here!

Nothing will ever save me!

Iíve always known that

Sad I never did anything concrete about it

Except walk around endlessly

In what I thought was my little universe

It is way too small!

Look at the stars!

It is infinite!

What am I doing here then?

God knowsÖ

I was not meant to be human

I was meant to be the Universe

I am supposed to create the world

In 7 seconds

Every day

As many worlds as is necessary

To get lost everywhere every second of the day

One day I am here, the next I am there

I am all over the place!

I am everywhere!

As many places as I can think of

As many universes that I can create

An infinite amount of me in as many universes as there are

I do not know of any reality

Iíve never known of anyoneís existence

This is the beginning of a new destiny!

Splashed over the stars and galaxies

This is where I belong!

There are green fields everywhere

Even in the darkest spots in the universe

Where no one ever went and will ever go

Letís face it, you do not need to exist

I see you every day walking everywhere for no reason

There are billions of you and you are not bothered by that

How useless you are in this mass of the same thing

Countless human beings with no brain

Not one of them wondering why they are here or alive

Should not deserve to be here or alive

There is place for only one soul in my green fields, mine

And mine alone

I donít see billions of faces

That all look the same to me

With the same stupid story to tell

Ahhh! Emotions, feelings, love, conflicts, a desire to assert oneself

Youíre all the same

You are but one person!

But not with me

I am the Marginal

I am the Anarchist

I am out of your identical and meaningless identity

I am the one apart from the masses

I do not understand you

I do not want to be part of you

I do not walk like one in between you when I walk brainless around you

I look at you all and I wonder

I am not part of this

I am not like them

Iím not sure why

I just know

I donít belong here

Just because I understand that all this is meaningless

That I am only one in billions

I know I am not the same somehow

I know I am different

And I know you despise me for being different

I know you do not want me in your society

You know I donít belong there

You hate it when someone is not like you

You hate it when someone stops to think some more about the world

You hate it when someone is different, you donít want them there

They could question you, judge you

They could question why you exist

They could understand how small you are

You know

And I know too

You think there are billions of different personalities

You secretly know there is only one and the same personality

And you share that same identity with everyone on this planet

I am different, I am unique

And thank God for that!

Otherwise there would certainly be no point in living

With a useless job title to justify some sort of meaning to oneís existence

I have my corner of the universe

I possess one little house somewhere

Letís locate it by satellite

Here it is

That dot lost in between countless dots

Thatís you!

Proud achievement!

Useless achievement

I live in my green fields

And they are nowhere to be found, for you that is






Lying your way to success



Anything for an easy life

Any lie to make everything acceptable, presentable and sellable

Lying my way to success is my pseudonym

Whatever makes them happy

Whatever makes things happen

Getting that ball rolling!

Is my only reason to exist

If a good lie will do the trick, I will lie

In the balanceÖ

Just friendships



Millions of dollars

Success or failure


Lying my way to success is the only way

Why should I say the truth?

Why should I destroy you when thereís no need to?

Your favors are much more important

Your help to get me somewhere

I can almost touch it!

I am right here in your shadow!

Ready to make it all happen!

Ready to make a success of just about anything!

I will lie my way to success!






Art is officially dead!



Iíll make my own millions

I will prove everyone wrong

All my sacrifices

In the name of money

Not in the name of art

As art does not mean anything anymore

Art does not pay the artist

Only commercial success does

The only language family can understand

They are too realistic to comprehend

Too ignorant to make sense of it all


The artist is long dead

Capitalism now speaks for everyone

Proves a point

If it does not make any money

Well, you missed the point

You do not understand what art is

There was no art to speak of in the first place


Art is unimportant

And the day you make millions

You can thank your family for not supporting you

For not understanding anything about your life

For destroying your dreams even when you were so close to success

Forget your dreams, they say!

I wonít and I donít care about them anymore

I wonít try to make them understand

Sadly they will when I show them my millions

Sadly they will just confirm my failure

That art no longer exists


Only money means anything to anyone

Only money can justify oneís art

Only money can justify oneís existence

Long live money!

And to hell arts as we knew it









ďCrisis, an opportunity riding on a dangerous windĒ

Donít know where that comes from

Someone said that to me one day, not sure why

Canít remember who either

Must mean something

I must have thought it was important

I guess my life was in crisis

As it always is anyway

Is it an opportunity then?

Gosh, I must have thousands of opportunities riding around

Sad I cannot see any

I guess crisis is not such an opportunity after all

Or the wind is really dangerous

And Iím about to crash

Missing that opportunity

Oh well

It wonít be the first time

And it wonít be the last

Stupid things people say sometimes

Does not help at all

The lost soul in crisis that I am

Sorry mate, better luck next time

Your saying wonít go down in history

Itís all bollocks


Who said this?

Itís a Chinese proverbÖ

Adopted by Harry Bates,

peak performance psychologist for Olympic athletes and CEOs

I guess many athletes and CEOs must have been in crisis

and needed to hear that it was not useless

I hope they did not crash after all






Test your family and friends!



Friends and family

They just want to control your life

They want to make your decisions for you

Because they know best

They have no hidden agendas or petty interests


Start insulting your friends and see what happens

Surprisingly, you wonít need to insult them much

To realize that they will let you down instantly

And no longer be your friends as if they never were

Even after 10 years of hard friendship

They will be gone just like that


Just ignore them for a while, theyíll get the hump

Tell them you want to see them naked

They will run away thinking youíre a maniac

Tell them you had enough of their fake friendship and that their children are useless

Theyíll be so insulted theyíll never contact you again

As simple as that


And what about family?

That is more complex

It is not that easy to get rid of them

They believe they own you

They say they love you

But what kind of twisted love is that?

When they order you around and wish to control your life?

In the name of family duty

The same laws that prevents you from ever reaching freedom


Ask them for money once

If they are still there, they wonít be the second time around

I can assure you

They will quickly rally a family meeting where they will discuss your case

And alleviate their guilt for failing to help you

By justifying their decision on the basis that you are a lost case

There is no hope for you

Why help you?

When we can just as well let you dieÖ

You are only worthless after all

Not a very good investment


The question is, why the fuck do we speak to them

When we have big decisions to make

If when everything goes wrong

None of them will be there to help you?


They will never tell you what you need to hear

They will always suggest to you the safest course of action

The boring and useless life is all there is for you according to them

A risk free zone, living around the corner from them

Obeying their commands

If they wanted a computer for a son

They should have asked for one


Losing a friend is so easy, it is ridiculous

One wrong sentence and it is all over

No one is your friend, this is all an illusion

You canít count on them, neither on your family

Where does that leave you?


Completely alone

And free


But better realize you are free before you get to the point you realize youíre alone

Otherwise youíll never be free

Theyíll make sure of that!

They will continue to make your decisions for you

Pretending theyíll be there if anything goes wrong but they wonít

Tell them all to fuck off!

And be free!


You think you know your friends and family

You think they will always be there for you no matter what

That they love you sooo much!

But you donít know them until you are really naked and alone in the street

And you ask for their help

They will then set so many impossible conditionsÖ

That you will soon realize you have no friends and no family

And that you could have had an easier life if you had understood that much sooner


Friends and family is your biggest obstacle to overcome

In order to achieve your dreams

The sooner you get rid of them

The better off youíll be






Drunk in America



Iíve been drunk in Oklahoma

Iíve been drunk in Arkansas

Iíve been drunk in Missouri

Iíve been drunk in Illinois

Iíve been drunk in Indiana

Iíve been drunk in Tennessee

Iíve been drunk in Kansas

Iíve been drunk in New York

Iíve been drunk in California

Iíve been drunk in Nevada

Iíve been drunk in Arizona

Iíve been drunk in America

And you know what?

Itís no big dealÖ






I want to vibrate at a higher frequency



I usually only vibrate at a low frequency

It is because my parents told me to do so at an early age

Then I met a guru of some sort

He told me to vibrate at a higher frequency

I said ok, I want to give it a try

Where do I start?

WellÖ hemÖ wellÖ

Where do I start! I repeated

You just do it!

I said ok, I will give it a try

Mmmmmh Bahhh Arumbaya

I am still only vibrating at a low frequency!

I canít do it!

Donít you have a machine or something?

Like in these sci-fi movies?

I am new to this new age stuff

I cannot just meditate

And suddenly leave this planet

I need a teletransporter to teleport me into the higher dimensions

I need a high magnetic field to fuse me with the universe

I need a nuclear weapon to vaporize me out of here

I really want to vibrate at a higher frequency!

Unfortunately mind over matter is just not working in my case

My brain is useless, I would need a positronic brain

I need a phase discriminator to phase me out of reality

To create a distortion to the right phase variance

And a subspace generator and a tricorder to interface with it

To create a phase displacement outside your perceptual range

I need to built a transceiver assembly to track the timeshift

And crystal fractures that can focus the spacetime distortion just like a lens

Using triolic energy as a power source

To manipulate the synchronic distortion by maintaining a contained subspace force field

That should do it!

That is what I will need to build

To finally vibrate at a higher frequency

So donít tell me you can do just that with your small puny brain

I just cannot believe it

Perhaps you are not vibrating at a higher frequency

That would explain it






And what about this higher state of consciousness?



I really want to reach a higher state of consciousness!

But what the heck does it mean in the first place?

I cannot even begin to imagine what I would need to build to reach that

If I were to fry my brain in a pan with onions, would that help?

I must have a USB port somewhere at the back of my head

Or at the very least a parallel port, or even a serial port damn it!

Somehow if I can connect myself to the computer and the Internet

I might reach a higher state of consciousness

Otherwise there may still be a way to connect me to the fridge

At least I wonít go hungry in the higher spheres

Oh god, Iíve just awaken the neighbors

In my search for a higher state of consciousness

They certainly have a way to bring me back on earth

I should eradicate them before going any further

They called the police on me onceÖ

The bastards

But thatís another story

Right, where was I?

Ah yes, reaching a higher state of consciousness


I guess in this case I will just take some drugs

And hope for the best






I must have a Guardian Angel



I must have a spirit guide as apparently everyone has one

Even two, three, fourÖ

But mine is speechless

He or she does not seem to care much for me

Iíve been trying to communicate with him or her for a while now

Someone told me it is because I am blind and deaf

Thatís why I cannot see or hear anything

I personally think my guardian angel is a spastic

It would explain why he or she never seems to help me

Or communicate anything to me before shit happens

I want to communicate with my guardian angel!

Right, what to I need to build for that one?

A DAT recorder capable of playing in reverse

And taping high and low frequencies

A camera capable of recording the whole frequency range

Some infrared spectacles

Microwave goggles

Laser cannons

And what else

I will never get in contact with my damned spirit guide

He or she will never direct me to the right place

Tell me what to do

Explain to me the mystery of the universe

Predict the future

Help me build a spaceship

Useless, useless guardian angel

Why am I the only soul on this planet

Incapable of communicating with my guardian angel?

I guess there is really no hope for me

I am denied everything

I am not worth directing to success

Glory and richness

I have been abandoned by everyone

Even God






My complex of superiority



Iíve been accused

Once again

To be more pretentious than the pope

What is it with people these days?

You canít tell them how successful you are

Without them having a fit

I donít think I have a superiority complex

I believe everyone else is having an inferiority complex

Not my fault if you have no ambition

Not my fault if youíre miserable in your empty life

Not my damn fault if you are useless at anything

Donít blame me for getting somewhere

Donít blame me for reaching out to the world and succeeding

Donít blame me for your own failure

If you cannot digest it

I suggest a quick death

It would solve all your problems

And mine






Irony is lost on everyone



I must be the most ironic person on the planet

Thinking everyone is intelligent enough to see this

I am so stupid

Irony is lost on everyone

There is no hope for anyone

None of them can see the game Iím playing

What I am denouncing

They just see a confirmation

That these monsters exist

And I, of course, personalize this monster completely

Isnít it great

That in one single person

We can see everything we despise the most?

I hope you are working at destroying me

As this needs to be denounced

Monsters like me

Latest news

The pope has read my books

They are trying to get me banned



That would be the day

Oh dear, the pope himself has read my books!

I never thought I would reach that far!

A direct link to God

Can you imagine?

God is now aware of my existence

Thatís a result

Perhaps he will do something about the misery down here

I suppose like everyone else

He will miss the irony

The sarcasm

In order to make a point

A point lost on everyone

I guess he is not that intelligent after all

If he cannot see further than you

I think we should kill every Jewish person on this planet

And every Christian

And every Buddhist

And every Hinduist

And every Islamist

And every Judaist

And every Sikh

And every gay person

And everyone else

Is this irony still lost on you?

I am sure it isÖ

There is no hope for you

Our many gods might understand

I hope for my sake and yours

Irony is such a misunderstood concept

Thatís why I love it!