of the world united!
don't need to be gay to appreciate this website, you only need to
be weird from the point of view of others. And if you are marginal,
then you are more than welcome to send me your articles and your
life story and I will be pleased to put it online.
Did you use to listen to Morrissey and The Smiths
in college? Have you ever wondered what life was about and always
thought you never really fitted in? It is understandable, traditions
and conservative people are long passed date, but we still live
from their precepts and lost ideals that no longer make any sense.
Perhaps because they forgot the meaning of everything, about why
they do the things they do and why their traditions might have been
wise in a certain time in history. Perhaps it was good then, but
today it cannot be. Not if we want the freedom and the rights every
human being deserves. I agree that only a small percentage of the
population lives in the margin of society, but we cannot deny them
the rights to be happy and to live the way they want. And by that
I mean no mind games, no playing with our feelings, no guilt trip.
It has to be complete, we accept you the way you are, we love you
the way you are, and most importantly, we leave you alone in your
corner if this is what you want.
God, this could be so simple if people could mind
their own business, live and let live. That is something that
never was, they always have this compulsion to mess up our lives,
to give us the biggest guilt trip about every single decision
we make, and obviously it is for them that they are worried. They
are afraid that they will have to pay for this, that they are
to blame for every action we do, that they might be hurt somehow.
This is vanity. They want us to be happy? On the contrary, they
want to be happy, they want every single element of their life
to be predictable and acceptable to everyone. Tell me, what fun
would life be with such perfection in someone's life? Who wants
to be the perfect dad or mom, with the house, the children and
the career? Wouldn't you feel guilty in this huge house? Wouldn't
you feel there is something missing at the end if you are just
the perfect idea of what is acceptable in society?
History has never remembered this kind of perfection,
heroes are usually made of imperfect people, crazy enough to have
questioned everything and rejected just about every single law that
was governing their lives. Dreams are wild, they have no limits,
no laws to stop them before they are born. This desire to live,
to be free, to do something crazy, is not possible if you are conformist.
And I am not saying that we need to be anarchists.
I am the Marginal, I am from nowhere, I have no
purpose in life, I am lost. I never fitted in, I never was part
of society, I never thought for a second that any of their laws
were applicable to me. Oh, but I am morale, I am an ethical person,
I am a good person, I would not hurt a fly, and when I am saying
this, it is actually true, I let them go outside. And if I kill
an escargot by mistake, I almost cry. Still, I could kill the
person who would stop me from living, the person that will take
my freedom of thinking and freedom to move around. There are too
many laws in this world to be stopped by one or two. I have learnt
to be flexible, to accept imperfection, to live dangerously on
the edge. What do I do in life? Nothing, I can't keep a job. Oh
yes, I have some books published, don't worry, they don't pay
enough to pay me anything so I am not a writer neither an artist.
Not a respectable one anyway.
I almost died in a car accident recently and when
I was finally able to get out of the car, what I thought was not:
I'm alive, thank god I'm alive! It was: what, I am not fucking
dead after all that? What does someone needs to do to die on this
fucking planet? This is where sometimes being marginal drive someone
mad. When you think that you have no one, nowhere to go, no family,
no place in this world, rejected by everyone, this is not a Michael
Jackson's song saying "You are not alone" that will
rescue you. Most probably because you despise the kind of rescue
you can expect from others. At the point that I am, I don't care
about anyone, I know that no savior will come, that no savior
should come. Perhaps I just want to meet people like me, perhaps
that would be good enough. And then again, I am not sure. I would
love to live alone at the top of one lost mountain somewhere.
If I have to go live in the North Pole to find that peace, I will.
That's where I am now, looking for ways out of this meaningless
life. It is an existential crisis that might never find an answer
and you are more than welcome to tell me of your solutions or
your own neurotic reality. I am all open there on the road, lying
dead after this car accident. Because this is what should have
happened, I should be dead now. And I am not sure why. Perhaps
you have the answer. If not, through time I might find it and
you might find your own answers here through all these pages.
It's a shame you cannot read French, I wrote 16 books to answer
my existential crisis, I barely have anything in English. Well,
you will have to read what I write here as the days go along,
but at least I have now a translation of my book the Anarchist.
So long marginals of the world united, do something
to make this life bearable!
Roland Michel Tremblay
I received an answer! From Polina. After so many years...
18-year-old girl, named Pauline by her parents, settling in a country whose name is ashamed to be called to foreigners. I want to live. I really want. But I don’t understand what for. And how to. Just now I realized how good and even happy it was in childhood when parents decided everything instead of me: took me to the school, woke me up in the mornings, forced me to invent my future. Normal childhood. Almost everyone had it. Fish in the river.
I graduated from a high school. Perfect marks, wide ambitions. My life was planned for decades ahead. But I stopped everything just one day. Something switched in my mind; therefore I didn’t even try to enter universities. You know, we’re all the same – the same ending is waiting for us. Bang! – and eternal darkness and unconsciousness of selves. And I just thought I didn’t want to become a part of one more social institution, to receive a new “status label”. Yes, I am against all of these stereotypes of a modern person. But it would sound like something childly, this phrase is got used in society so it has been neglected. Anyways, I’m so fucking serious.
Of course, yes, yes, yes, such people are being condemned by others. And I am condemned. And so are you, I think… But we’re not breaking laws! Of any country, of any state. We respect the ethics. Our morals, perhaps, are even much higher than other’s! We are full of love! Agree, love of each of us is enough to cover the entire globe! But hate in us is enough for 3 layers of covering… This fight is sitting constantly in every one of us. I feel it. Every day, when I wake up, 2 completely opposite thoughts knock on my head: “Woohoo, a new day!” and “Oh, shit, again…”.
Right, I am a Marginal. I do nothing, i.e. nothing useful for my country. Sometimes I think it doesn’t know about my existence. Or maybe there’s no meaning in our lives? We must live in order just to be? If so, I feel sorry for the Earth, for nature and for environment! You know, I harm it all the time: walking on the road – killing hundreds of small insects; taking a shower – wasting the most precious fresh water; turning on the light – harming to the atmosphere! These thoughts are killing me.
A misanthrope, a marginal, a hikki – people don’t understand that it is none of their business! This is individual. And what are these “people”? Units of a social system? Hmm. These are fish; they remain fish even in adulthood. Honestly, I envy them. I can’t just jump in the stream of life, so it would carry me through universities, jobs, families… But they can. And they do. Millions of them jump. This stream limits their views, they forgot about true values, about true beauty that surrounds them, they just do not notice it.
I have no friends. I want one, confederate. I want a person who would say to me, “Everything you’re doing is right”, no matter what. Well, sounds disgusting again. Maybe because I still can’t formulate my wishes properly. So I have no wishes. Everyone has dreams. Everyone must have dreams. But I don’t. Oh, wait, there is one – I want chocolate right now. Does it fit?
So the string of relationships with my parents will be broken soon as well. They ruined my psyche. Or I did it myself, I’m not sure. According to old tradition, they supported the statistics of divorces in the country. I don’t want to follow their suit. And what about children? Children… Oh, make one more person worried about the same problems? I do not exclude the possibility that a child can love life so much and would be so grateful to parents for a meeting the world, but my only one doubt about this cancels my dream of children…
So… I am lost, frustrated, bored, tired, depressed, insulted by somewhat, but full of love enough not to fall in hate with life and to make it end up forcibly. I just had no luck to be born in another time at another place. I’m not sure where I should go and what I should do.
I hope for your understanding. Actually, I lost any hope.
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